JT0626

As I am on this journey to recovery, I am learning new things about myself (with the help of my fellow SR brothers & sisters). Today, it hit me that my alcoholism is my best kept secret. You see, I am strictly an in-house drinker. I never drink in social situations, parties, etc. I only drink at home. The only other person that knows the extent of my drinking is my husband, but he was also my drinking partner.

Since my husband also is an alcoholic, he can't recognize MY alcohol problem. He does know that I don't drink around my family, so he never brings it up when we are around them. His idea of "fun" is us getting drunk together.

I don't face many of the challenges that my SR friends do since drinking is my best kept secret. No one tries to convince me to drink. My family aren't much drinkers, so at family gatherings alcohol is not around. If we are out with friends, I am always the designated driver because I know my husband can't help himself.

You see....bars, clubs, restaurants, pubs, etc. don't trigger me because that is not MY drinking spot. My drinking spot is at home after my 3 year old goes to bed. That's my trigger....when the clock hits 7pm.

My family & friends have no idea that I have a drinking problem. Hell, no one does because even my own husband can't tell!

So there you have it....my alcoholism is my best kept secret. I still get triggered at 7pm, I guess old habits die hard. LOL! However, I am noticing my cravings are subsiding more & more.

Can anyone relate?

Nonsensical

No one outside my house knew either. It was quite a shock to the ones who have since found out.

Glad you're feeling better. keep it up!

ScottFromWI

Absolutely, I was mostly a private drinker too. I don't really feel the challenges are all that different though - in the end we are all alchoholics - and we all face the same problem that we cannot control our drinking once we start. Where we drink, what we drink, how much we drank, who we shared or hid it from doesn't really change how we approach sobriety in my book.

least

I only drank at home alone but my teenage daughters knew it and hated it. So glad I'm sober now and have earned back their trust.

LBrain

I still remember telling one of co-workers I was an alcoholic. He said, "No you're not."
Many people still don't believe it. And that's okay. Because now, I just don't drink.

Soberwolf

I only drank at home but i was popping out at 7am & popping out late at night

apart from family no one else knows but my doctor, my next door neighbour and some folk at diffrent recovery sources

ScottFromWI

I have actually had a good friend who is in long term recovery tell me that i'm "probably not " an alcohoholic. Thank goodness I realize now that i'm the only one who can make that determination!

SoberLeigh

Most of my drinking was done at home, also. But I also drank at restaurants, bars, cafes, and the homes of family and friends. Even though I drank in many 'locales', home was the most difficult place not to drink. Home is supposed to be our safe place; when it is the scene of our crimes, it adds an acidic element to our recovery.

I really feel for you, JT, as your husband has been your drinking buddy and alcohol is so available in your home.

You are doing so well, JT, despite all of that; I am so proud of you.

I hope you continue to stay close to SR and lean on us whenever and as much as you need to.

JT0626

Thanks for the responses! I feel like I am always in good company here at SR!

Rachinator

I hear you. I'm in a similar situation. Yes it does feel kind of hopeless. I know after my slip, I took a good long look at my husband and my daughter. I see the rough shape that he is in. He denies it, and also says it is not an issue. I know my daughter needs me around, and I need her around. If we see my husband go into the drinking abyss, that will be rough but we won't go in after him. I'll I can do is give you big hugs and I can relate to your situation. We can do this together.

mns1

I can definitely relate. I am the only one who knows about my drinking (as far as I know). I somehow manage hide it from my family.

I also never drink outside of my home. I don't much care for the bar scene and I don't really go out much in general other than work. Somewhat of a hermit I suppose.

Finally, I can relate to getting "triggered" every night. For me it's around 9 PM when my family is asleep. As soon as I know I'm "alone" I start pouring myself a drink.

Glad to hear your cravings are subsiding. Hopefully come tonight mine will too!

LBrain

mns1 - that was the difficult part for me, the people, places, things for me was; me, myself and I, at home and alone with my mess.
I rarely if ever went into bars.

phoebe64

My heavy drinking has been done at home. But I bet if I told a few closer friends that I was alcoholic, they would not be shocked. They might say, "Oh you are not." But I have had too much in front of people several times in my life. But, typically at a time when everyone else was also imbibing rather heavily.

My husband is also my drinking buddy and I was his. This is a constant struggle. He will certainly have several tonight as we watch TV, he has a few last night. He drinks 7-9 beers every weekend night. He also has no problem with my drinking and would get me a beer if I asked. He does not encourage me or try to talk me into it, because he knows I try to not drink for stretches at a time. At the same time, he does not support or encourage my sobriety. I think, when I decide to drink, he is secretly relieved and relaxes and has a bit more than if I do not drink.

It makes it hard to stop, but I have to. It is so unhealthy.

luvmygirls

I drink at home, too. As far as I know, the only person who knows I'm an alcoholic (and definitely the only person who has ever suggested that I stop drinking) is my husband. However, I've also had plenty of drinks at parties, bars, friends' houses, etc.

Jipsee

I too imprisoned myself in my home. Locked in, phone off. My husband knew who the crazy babbling lady was, ugh

We were at the market today and I saw the look on his face as I looked a little to long at the wine. Heavy sigh, nothing to buy here people keep moving!!!