Eviction letter was a wake up call
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 47
Eviction letter was a wake up call
Hello everyone.
Thanks for this forum, its a godsend when you don't know where to begin.
i feel like a wreck...
I am binge drinker...I drink alone to overcome intense boredom, Love addiction, disconnection,apathy, and bouts of depression, and more than anything, to avoid reality!!and then feel terribly ashamed about the silly things i do when drunk. anyway,
I haven't had a drink since the 11 november, and for the life of me i cannot go through with another binge episode, after recieving a letter of eviction 2 weeks ago, which i somehow managed to turn around after burrying my head in the duvet until today, now i have finally waken up to how unmanagable my life has become and wanting to change....but i am still addicted to using stuff to relieve the emptyness and shameful self so I took some codeine to relieve the shame pain and feel light headed whilst posting here.
For the last few months all i want to do is sleep, and i have no interest in anything. Anything i think i might enjoy i end up feeling no joy doing it. it's like i am a blank screen. zoned out for the most part.
My eldest daughter who has just left school is all i have to live for, and even that is taxing as i feel i have nothing left to give.
Hopefully, tomorrow,at my first AA meeting, something good will come of it and i will meet friendly supporting folk dedicated to turning their lives around and finding esteem.
i am truelly now at rock bottom and no one would think it as i can just easily make a switch to the land of denial, taking nothing seriously except a hatred of life for not being how i would like it to be.which wouldbe "EASY"!!
i feel so ashamed right now...
thanks for reading
Thanks for this forum, its a godsend when you don't know where to begin.
i feel like a wreck...
I am binge drinker...I drink alone to overcome intense boredom, Love addiction, disconnection,apathy, and bouts of depression, and more than anything, to avoid reality!!and then feel terribly ashamed about the silly things i do when drunk. anyway,
I haven't had a drink since the 11 november, and for the life of me i cannot go through with another binge episode, after recieving a letter of eviction 2 weeks ago, which i somehow managed to turn around after burrying my head in the duvet until today, now i have finally waken up to how unmanagable my life has become and wanting to change....but i am still addicted to using stuff to relieve the emptyness and shameful self so I took some codeine to relieve the shame pain and feel light headed whilst posting here.
For the last few months all i want to do is sleep, and i have no interest in anything. Anything i think i might enjoy i end up feeling no joy doing it. it's like i am a blank screen. zoned out for the most part.
My eldest daughter who has just left school is all i have to live for, and even that is taxing as i feel i have nothing left to give.
Hopefully, tomorrow,at my first AA meeting, something good will come of it and i will meet friendly supporting folk dedicated to turning their lives around and finding esteem.
i am truelly now at rock bottom and no one would think it as i can just easily make a switch to the land of denial, taking nothing seriously except a hatred of life for not being how i would like it to be.which wouldbe "EASY"!!
i feel so ashamed right now...
thanks for reading
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome DarkLife! I'm so glad you found us - you are never alone.
I drank for escape too - but I never imagined I'd be creating a horrible life for myself. It all started out innocently enough - but I found myself out of control every time it got in my system. I tried to manage it for decades, but never admitted I couldn't ever drink again. When I found SR I learned so much - and made friends who truly understood what I was going through. Glad you are with us.
I drank for escape too - but I never imagined I'd be creating a horrible life for myself. It all started out innocently enough - but I found myself out of control every time it got in my system. I tried to manage it for decades, but never admitted I couldn't ever drink again. When I found SR I learned so much - and made friends who truly understood what I was going through. Glad you are with us.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome to SR DarkLife. Know that you are not alone and we understand where you are coming from. There is a better way, glad you have made the choice to seek it. A meeting sounds like a great plan too, and you can always come here any time of the day for support.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by DarkLife 
Hopefully, tomorrow,at my first AA meeting, something good will come of it and i will meet friendly supporting folk dedicated to turning their lives around and finding esteem.
I have found my sober friends in AA to be a blessing.
PS -- This site also helps to keep me fresh.
Bob
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
welcome, sorry to hear you are down, be assured that very many have recovered from much worse. not to lessen what you are going through of course.
Now is the time to surrender. Not to drugs or alcohol, but to yourself. Know that you can turn your life around if you truly want to. Go forward with confidence that you can and will overcome this.
Don't be afraid to talk to people before and after the meeting. Get numbers and use them.
Now is the time to surrender. Not to drugs or alcohol, but to yourself. Know that you can turn your life around if you truly want to. Go forward with confidence that you can and will overcome this.
Don't be afraid to talk to people before and after the meeting. Get numbers and use them.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,294
Welcome and congrats on the first step to a new life. Many of us had to hit bottom to realize how bad our drinking had become. I too drank to escape "intense boredom, Love addiction, disconnection,apathy, and bouts of depression, and more than anything, to avoid reality!!" as you put it.
Lots of support here, on line chat meetings 2X a week and many helpful topics.
Wishing you the best.
Lots of support here, on line chat meetings 2X a week and many helpful topics.
Wishing you the best.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Welcome...Yea those eviction notices can be sobering. I found that one out last year. I lost mine to drugs a VOP.
Im not a drinker but grew up in an alcoholic home. My dad will be coming up on 28 yrs sober through AA. He was in and ou of prison behind his drinking when I was little.
That's a good start. Good luck
Im not a drinker but grew up in an alcoholic home. My dad will be coming up on 28 yrs sober through AA. He was in and ou of prison behind his drinking when I was little.
That's a good start. Good luck
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
Welcome, Darklife. I can completely relate to the numbed-out feeling when you're completely listless and joyless. The short amount of sobriety I've had has shown me the glimmer of hope I've been missing all these years. Take care, and please keep posting. We're here for you. 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Hi there Darklife - you'll find that your life can get sunny again. It takes time, hard work, and most of all you need some support! We're here to help. Feel free to share, read, and post some more about what's going on. There are so many who have been helped by SR and I hope you join us!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome to Sr, DarkLife! It's good to have you with us. It sounds like things are in a bad spot but there is hope. You are taking the first steps necessary to reclaim your life. When I found SR I was at the end of my rope, too. It's amazing how much better things are now.
Hang in there! You'll find love and support here, DarkLife!
Hang in there! You'll find love and support here, DarkLife!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 47
Thankyou all for the wonderful encouragement.
Unfortunatley i felt too guilty to phone in work sick. and with xmas around the corner....excuses i know!
However, i am off work next friday, and every friday thereafter. so next friday will be my first day of supporting progress. until then i am just focusing on step 1.
step one, to me, is my life is unmanagable...and getting out of bed is an effort.
And guess what...truth be known, part of me is relieved that i don't have to go tonight, because being sick is a preferable comfort zone!
what is it about change that scares the BeJesus out of me? iwilllevae that thought to fester into somemore hard hitting truths.
thanks guys
may the power of your god point you in joy
I must go shopping now
Unfortunatley i felt too guilty to phone in work sick. and with xmas around the corner....excuses i know!
However, i am off work next friday, and every friday thereafter. so next friday will be my first day of supporting progress. until then i am just focusing on step 1.
step one, to me, is my life is unmanagable...and getting out of bed is an effort.
And guess what...truth be known, part of me is relieved that i don't have to go tonight, because being sick is a preferable comfort zone!
what is it about change that scares the BeJesus out of me? iwilllevae that thought to fester into somemore hard hitting truths.
thanks guys
may the power of your god point you in joy
I must go shopping now
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