thinking i'm ok but not.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: US
Posts: 81
thinking i'm ok but not.....
This is my first time here. I was in recovery for about 8 yrs. In the beginning I was attending both AA and NA meetings. I hit a pretty bad bottom and after numerous treatments stayed clean and sober for 8 yrs. I attended the meetings the first 5 probably. Anyway I honestly thought I had changed. I felt in control of my life and felt I had "grown" to a better person who would never again be tempted by drugs or drinking. I ended up having a few drinks one evening and then went a long time with no more. BUT about a yr ago I ended up taking pain meds for a physical condition. I have now been on them for the entire yr, I started drinking more and still thought I was under control. Before I knew it though I'm looking back and now I've added another drug to my list. So now I'm taking pain meds, drinking and using another drug. I don't even know if this is an ok place to write this. I know this is about recovery and I feel i'm starting to really lose it BUT I am not in the place yet I can go back to any meetings or talk face to face or even on the phone yet with anyone. So I thought maybe i'd start here. I battle most days now with thinking "I'm just fine and handling life fine" to thinking "i'm not far from where I was 8-9 yrs ago! So anyway I thought i'd start here and see what happens. Things are just kind of a mess but so far I'm the only one who knows it.
thanks for leting me at least get this out.
thanks for leting me at least get this out.
Gold Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: It's raining again!
Posts: 2,494
Hi Still me. Once the seed is planted you can never drink or drug sain or insainly again. Thank you for posting here and welcome to SR! it's a great place to be. I'm not much of pills or wha they can do,but we do have a NA board here for those issues. You can find lots of listings for rehabs here as well. Pick a topic any topic and someone will direct you. Congradulations on your first step twards recovery. After all that's why you came here for right?
Headed in the right direction.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Las Vegas
Posts: 257
Welcome still me,
This is a really nice place to come from time to time. I hear your thoughts of, '"I'm just fine and handling life fine" to thinking "i'm not far from where I was 8-9 yrs ago."'
I'm not sure if it is the same, but I feel like, "I'm fine right now, because I'm sober...but the threat of being not fine is lingering right there, just as it was on my first day of sobriety. But I think that is just the disease lurking. It will always be there. As you know, there really isn't a "cure" like... "take these magic pills, and in 10 days you can drink like an average person again." or "talk to a special counselor and in three months, you an drink like an average person again." If that were the case, we'd be doing that and not writing here!
That just isn't how this disease works. The struggle is there and always be there. The temptations from society are there, and aren't expected to go away any time soon. That is why is it so important to stay focused on your program, staying sober. Like they say "one day at a time." If you've come this far, you are doing something right in my opinion!
If you mean that you are not reaching your goals....then, I can only think that in time, you will find motivation or define your goals more precisely and develop a plan to ...I guess.... "be further along than you are now." (???)
I do wish you strength and courage to get where you want to be (or maybe I should say, 'I wish you the strength and courage to get where you NEED to be.') ;-)
Glad you are here for now though.
This is a really nice place to come from time to time. I hear your thoughts of, '"I'm just fine and handling life fine" to thinking "i'm not far from where I was 8-9 yrs ago."'
I'm not sure if it is the same, but I feel like, "I'm fine right now, because I'm sober...but the threat of being not fine is lingering right there, just as it was on my first day of sobriety. But I think that is just the disease lurking. It will always be there. As you know, there really isn't a "cure" like... "take these magic pills, and in 10 days you can drink like an average person again." or "talk to a special counselor and in three months, you an drink like an average person again." If that were the case, we'd be doing that and not writing here!
That just isn't how this disease works. The struggle is there and always be there. The temptations from society are there, and aren't expected to go away any time soon. That is why is it so important to stay focused on your program, staying sober. Like they say "one day at a time." If you've come this far, you are doing something right in my opinion!
If you mean that you are not reaching your goals....then, I can only think that in time, you will find motivation or define your goals more precisely and develop a plan to ...I guess.... "be further along than you are now." (???)
I do wish you strength and courage to get where you want to be (or maybe I should say, 'I wish you the strength and courage to get where you NEED to be.') ;-)
Glad you are here for now though.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 24
hi still me
i have battled pain pills for the past four years, i too have a medical condition where i have chronic pain. have decided to try just tylenol or ibuprofen. most days i end up taking 16 to 20 but at least i am not play a very dangerous game with pain pills. i was really having a hard time trying to function with the pain pills. so i decided that unless the pain is unbearable to the point where i can't function i will try everything else till i can't take it anymore.
i take one day at a time. on days when i have no physical pain i am very grateful and try to remember to thank my Higher Power
my prayers are with you
i have battled pain pills for the past four years, i too have a medical condition where i have chronic pain. have decided to try just tylenol or ibuprofen. most days i end up taking 16 to 20 but at least i am not play a very dangerous game with pain pills. i was really having a hard time trying to function with the pain pills. so i decided that unless the pain is unbearable to the point where i can't function i will try everything else till i can't take it anymore.
i take one day at a time. on days when i have no physical pain i am very grateful and try to remember to thank my Higher Power
my prayers are with you
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Hi Still Me
I am glad you found SoberRecovery
My name is kel and I am an alcoholic who is grateful to be sober today.
My disease has proven to me again and again that it is progressive.
Have you thought about going back to AA meetings?
I am glad you found SoberRecovery
My name is kel and I am an alcoholic who is grateful to be sober today.
My disease has proven to me again and again that it is progressive.
Have you thought about going back to AA meetings?
we're all mad here!
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: a padded room with bars
Posts: 1,681
Hi Still Me
You've found a great place to start in SR. Go check out the Narcotics and NA boards.... alcohol is a drug, so all your addictions would be welcome there. Or stay here in newcomers. But do get back to those meetings when you can. We have online AA and NA meetings..... check out the chat forum
I can't take pain meds for even migraines..... I learned that. I did so about a month ago and the cravings returned. Had to pitch the bottle. Once we have the disease of addiction, we have the disease. No getting away from it. No getting "better". We just stay, we hope, permanently in remission.
You've found a great place to start in SR. Go check out the Narcotics and NA boards.... alcohol is a drug, so all your addictions would be welcome there. Or stay here in newcomers. But do get back to those meetings when you can. We have online AA and NA meetings..... check out the chat forum
I can't take pain meds for even migraines..... I learned that. I did so about a month ago and the cravings returned. Had to pitch the bottle. Once we have the disease of addiction, we have the disease. No getting away from it. No getting "better". We just stay, we hope, permanently in remission.
In Memory Of
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
Welcome to SR . I relapsed after six years and it took me 10 yrs of pretty much pure hell before I surrendered to aa again . I resisted aa and na because I was not finished and the elevator just kept goin down . The same results over and over again . I encourage you to go back to your meetings and hopefuly you will get to the point where you WANT to stop using . I am pullin for you ..prayers ^ trish
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beaver, WA
Posts: 1,346
((((((((StillMe))))))))))
I'm glad your "thinking" about coming back into A.A. I'm still me, and I'm still here as well. Being me, includes me being an alcoholic. I'm honestly not trying to be rude here in this reply, but I am always very grateful when others come back and let me know the facts about their relapses.
A good friend in early sobriety suggested that I grasp the Circle & Triangle like only the drowning person would seize a lifepreserver. He suggested that I let others test the alcoholic waters for me instead of trying to beat the game alone. So frequently, relapse itself becomes the cycle for real alcoholics not given the whole truth.
Accepting his suggestion has paid great dividends for me personally, my family and many other friends. Your post transmits what I hear in A.A. meetings quite frequently -- Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Switching seats on the titanic started with the first drink again for you from what I read. Over the past few years, I've seen plenty of friends(who had decades plus in sobriety) prove this too me time and again.
Bummer is... Not all make it back. Only a few were alive to make it back into our increasingly revolving door. Pride might be part of the problem but I see the fatality of our malady losing focus. Sometimes it appears to be clouded with an increased focus on outside issues instead of looking to practical application of our Three Legacies within our fellowship.
Recovery (our 12 Steps) Unity (Our 12 Traditions) & Service (Our 12 Concepts)
Try my friends suggestion if you will ...
Tap into our full Circle & Triangle and let others test the waters for you. Let them try beating the game alone this next go round. If its not an option, I still look forward to chatting with you and reading your posts in the near future on this communities message forums.
((((((((((stillme)))))))))) Kiss Heart of Spirit
In Love & Service,
Three Legs
I'm glad your "thinking" about coming back into A.A. I'm still me, and I'm still here as well. Being me, includes me being an alcoholic. I'm honestly not trying to be rude here in this reply, but I am always very grateful when others come back and let me know the facts about their relapses.
A good friend in early sobriety suggested that I grasp the Circle & Triangle like only the drowning person would seize a lifepreserver. He suggested that I let others test the alcoholic waters for me instead of trying to beat the game alone. So frequently, relapse itself becomes the cycle for real alcoholics not given the whole truth.
Accepting his suggestion has paid great dividends for me personally, my family and many other friends. Your post transmits what I hear in A.A. meetings quite frequently -- Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic. Switching seats on the titanic started with the first drink again for you from what I read. Over the past few years, I've seen plenty of friends(who had decades plus in sobriety) prove this too me time and again.
Bummer is... Not all make it back. Only a few were alive to make it back into our increasingly revolving door. Pride might be part of the problem but I see the fatality of our malady losing focus. Sometimes it appears to be clouded with an increased focus on outside issues instead of looking to practical application of our Three Legacies within our fellowship.
Recovery (our 12 Steps) Unity (Our 12 Traditions) & Service (Our 12 Concepts)
Try my friends suggestion if you will ...
Tap into our full Circle & Triangle and let others test the waters for you. Let them try beating the game alone this next go round. If its not an option, I still look forward to chatting with you and reading your posts in the near future on this communities message forums.
((((((((((stillme)))))))))) Kiss Heart of Spirit
In Love & Service,
Three Legs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: US
Posts: 81
Thank you to all that responded. I'm still here and reading. I'm having quite the inner battle going on but i'm going to continue to hang around and read. I guess I'm sitting on that fence right now not willing to commit to either side even though part of me obviously wants too since I keep coming back here.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,504
Hi Still me,
I think you're making a good start by coming here and reading. You will decide when you've had enough and want to be free. There's lots of support and information here and I hope you keep hanging around and get to know us.
Love, Anna
I think you're making a good start by coming here and reading. You will decide when you've had enough and want to be free. There's lots of support and information here and I hope you keep hanging around and get to know us.
Love, Anna
we're all mad here!
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: a padded room with bars
Posts: 1,681
Hey 3 Legs...
Gotta love that quote! THankyou!
Still Me...
Listen to that. Reread it time and again. When you feel like drinking, read that again.
Maybe, just maybe, you won't be sitting on the fence for long. I'm hoping you come over to the sober side! I'll be pulling for you
Switching seats on the titanic started with the first drink
Still Me...
even though part of me obviously wants too since I keep coming back here
Maybe, just maybe, you won't be sitting on the fence for long. I'm hoping you come over to the sober side! I'll be pulling for you
Rest In Peace
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
Hi Still me.
Glad your reading. Dont stop. And post as often as you can. I must share something with you. I first skipped right over your post. Was about to post somewhere else and something drew me here. No,No Im not getting all
weird on you.
Im Bob it's nice to meet you. I think you have had a rough time 8 yrs or so ago that led you to NA/AA. You did it once. You can do it again.
Hang tough. again post as often as you can, even if dont stop!!
Love and prayers
Bob
Glad your reading. Dont stop. And post as often as you can. I must share something with you. I first skipped right over your post. Was about to post somewhere else and something drew me here. No,No Im not getting all
weird on you.
Im Bob it's nice to meet you. I think you have had a rough time 8 yrs or so ago that led you to NA/AA. You did it once. You can do it again.
Hang tough. again post as often as you can, even if dont stop!!
Love and prayers
Bob
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: US
Posts: 81
Hi ------yes I am still reading. Thank you for your posts. Things are just kind of really messed up for me right now and I feel completely lost and out of control of what I'm even feeling, so.........still reading I guess.
Rest In Peace
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
Still me, Glad your still reading. Dont stop ok Just stick around and post
as often as you like. Keep the ideas of what you read on this site in your
head.Maybe a mental shift will just naturely come about.
It's worth a shot isnt it? Your worth it.
Hey, I used to spend some time around Salem this time of year.
Is it still nice out there this time of year?
Bob
as often as you like. Keep the ideas of what you read on this site in your
head.Maybe a mental shift will just naturely come about.
It's worth a shot isnt it? Your worth it.
Hey, I used to spend some time around Salem this time of year.
Is it still nice out there this time of year?
Bob
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
((((((Still Me)))))) Welcome. I hear that you are still hanging on to something about drinking which is keeping you from wanting to stop. Have you thought about what that might be? If so, maybe it would help to put it in writing and post it here. If not, maybe it wouldn't hurt to think about it!
Wishing you well, wishing you strength, but most of all, wishing you surrender....
Wishing you well, wishing you strength, but most of all, wishing you surrender....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: US
Posts: 81
I don't know what is keeping me from jumping back into recovery. I will definately think on it. Even though I have been in recovery before I almost feel like a newcomer. I know how the program works but can't get past that part of me that won't fully accept it. I have a function this evening and I am totally obsessed with "I won't drink" and "A few drinks doesn't hurt anything" So then my head tells me to use before leaving then I won't want to drink orrrrrrrrrrrrrr drink tonight and maybe I can go to bed tonight without using and only drinking. It is like a newcomers war all over again and I fought hard the first time around and don't know I have that in me again. But i also can't go any lower than before. At my bottom it was only due to the emergency room that I am still even alive so I can't go any lower except death. You'd think that would be enough to stop me now but the mind game of I'm ok alot is pretty strong. I know I'm rambling but I hope it's ok. I hoping hanging around here will let things start changing for me even if slowly. thanks to all who are here.
oh and Bob.........Yes it is beautiful here right now...cloudy today but has just been gorgeous. I am a big fan of fishing(not good at it though) and do alot of it in the lake near here and have really enjoyed the nice weather (of course now even one of my fav. things to do is being tainted with drugs/alcohol)
oh and Bob.........Yes it is beautiful here right now...cloudy today but has just been gorgeous. I am a big fan of fishing(not good at it though) and do alot of it in the lake near here and have really enjoyed the nice weather (of course now even one of my fav. things to do is being tainted with drugs/alcohol)
Rest In Peace
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Southern Cal
Posts: 408
Originally Posted by still_me
I It is like a newcomers war all over again and I fought hard the first time around and don't know I have that in me again. But i also can't go any lower than before. At my bottom it was only due to the emergency room that I am still even alive so I can't go any lower except death.
Glad you cam back. Keep on coming back.
Ive said this a few times around the boards but it still rings true. About how fragile life is and how we so freely abuse it. It's totally amazes me. I think Still when we use or drink again we are instant newcomers no matter how long it's been. You know I think your really struggling with the
"laws of the heart". That is, deep down you know what's right and whats wrong. You know what you need. Your just having a hard time pulling it from the unconcious to the concious. You did it once, you can do it again. Your worth doing it again. Think about that. And think hard on the "Laws of the heart"
Fishing, I love to fish. I dont actually ever CATCH fish. But I like that act
of fishing. Whenever my son and I go fishing it's always the running joke,
We are going fishing but we dont actuatly CATCH fish. Makes me laugh
just thinking about it. Boy you really needed me to share THAT with you
didnt you Stillme!!!
Laws of the heart.
Love and prayers
Bob
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