How do I tell My Parents?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 2
How do I tell My Parents?
Hi, Im 37 years old. I started using opiate painkillers roughly 7 years ago. I have spiraled slowly downward to roughly 6 weeks ago injecting heroin and also cocaine. My parents are aware that I have had addiction trouble. They currently are still suspicious that I am using although I tell them Im not. I am newly single and living with my dad. I knew from the first time i injected I was in big trouble. I hate it. I dont know why I do it. I want to quit and be clean NOW!! I want to tell my parents everything but Im not sure how to do it especially since Ive lied to them recently about my use. I just need some tips on how to start the conversation. I have a plan to get medicare as I currently dont have insurance and check into a rehab center immediately but getting the insurance is taking a while and I dont know if I can hold out much longer. Also, what are your views on suboxone programs? Please help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Hi and welcome Yorker 
I think at 37 it depends on your motivation.
Is your motivation help getting help to stay clean?
Do think about it tho - if this won't change the situation much other than unburdening yourself and will only upset them, maybe you're better to lean on places like us, NA, AA etc?
Ultimately, if telling them is what you want to do, then honesty is the best policy, I think.
There's no nice way to come clean.
I don't know plaything about subs and while I'm sorry for your insurance delay, we really can't give you medical advice here under our rules.
You're way better off discussing your treatment options with a qualified professional.
D
I think at 37 it depends on your motivation.
Is your motivation help getting help to stay clean?
Do think about it tho - if this won't change the situation much other than unburdening yourself and will only upset them, maybe you're better to lean on places like us, NA, AA etc?
Ultimately, if telling them is what you want to do, then honesty is the best policy, I think.
There's no nice way to come clean.
I don't know plaything about subs and while I'm sorry for your insurance delay, we really can't give you medical advice here under our rules.
You're way better off discussing your treatment options with a qualified professional.
D
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Good on your willingness!!
Telling / asking your parents you've gotten to a place that you realize you need help is fine IMO - but perhaps some broad strokes is all that's required for now.
Confession is an age old practice and indeed good for the soul, but consider this vs. burdening them with the knowledge.
I support Dee's advice about NA immediately well waiting for treatment. You'll most likely want the support of NA post rehab so why not start now = action!!
Congratulations on your decision - Willingness is a key!!
FlyN
Telling / asking your parents you've gotten to a place that you realize you need help is fine IMO - but perhaps some broad strokes is all that's required for now.
Confession is an age old practice and indeed good for the soul, but consider this vs. burdening them with the knowledge.
I support Dee's advice about NA immediately well waiting for treatment. You'll most likely want the support of NA post rehab so why not start now = action!!
Congratulations on your decision - Willingness is a key!!
FlyN
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Welcome, Yorker 
I hope you find a way through this time of uncertainty. I would second Dee in getting some professional medical advice about your options.
It's great that you want to be clean.We are always here to talk to.
As for telling your parents, you know them better than we do, it's a very noble thing that you want to come clean with them though. There's no easy way to start a conversation like that. Just being honest is all you can do.
When you are in treatment, it might be easier to discuss things with them as you will be getting help for your recovery.
Glad you found us.
I hope you find a way through this time of uncertainty. I would second Dee in getting some professional medical advice about your options.
It's great that you want to be clean.We are always here to talk to.
As for telling your parents, you know them better than we do, it's a very noble thing that you want to come clean with them though. There's no easy way to start a conversation like that. Just being honest is all you can do.
When you are in treatment, it might be easier to discuss things with them as you will be getting help for your recovery.
Glad you found us.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
Sounds like you are backed into a corner. The 'rents will have to know if you are going to get clean- you live with them. If not they will eventually know anyway by continued use. I think coming clean with your earnest desire to be clean is the best option--then following through. Even the most enabling parents get tired of deception. Best wishes on detox.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
hm. I wouldn't tell them. I didn't tell them. It was my burden and mine to solve. I couldn't do that to my parents and have them worrying. I caused this. I also didn't want the helicoptering that would have happened if I told them. I can't imagine how hard it would have been had I been living with them.
Treatment is the answer. I told my parents afterward - in broad strokes, not all the horrible details; just, "I had a problem," (this was in the 80s). I was living 3000 miles away and had been out of their house for a long time so it didn't really affect them - and I was out of that lifestyle. My life was going well, so they didn't have to worry.
Treatment is the answer. I told my parents afterward - in broad strokes, not all the horrible details; just, "I had a problem," (this was in the 80s). I was living 3000 miles away and had been out of their house for a long time so it didn't really affect them - and I was out of that lifestyle. My life was going well, so they didn't have to worry.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Originally Posted by ms980619 
I have to tell my parents my driniking is out of control! What the hell do we do sad hopless drunks and drug addicts. I give up.
Maybe hopless - I am getting older
One day, one step at a time. My experience in group has demonstrated that the lowliest of the low with willingness - or at least a start of willing to be willing, desire and a plan of action can turn their life around!!!
Self pity is simply pride in reverse, I learned. I cast it out - pick myself up, ask for help and MOVE forward.
Perhaps you may consider this as an option, please friend!
FlyN
I will NOT drink to that!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Baltimore MD USA
Posts: 634
Hi Yorker,
Like previously suggested go to your local NA meeting. At least there you can get the support you need until you get medical insurance. You may want to look into your state's social services department, you may find out about some state funded recovery programs too.
Keep your head up & your desire to quit up. We are here for you & you are worth it!
Like previously suggested go to your local NA meeting. At least there you can get the support you need until you get medical insurance. You may want to look into your state's social services department, you may find out about some state funded recovery programs too.
Keep your head up & your desire to quit up. We are here for you & you are worth it!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 465
I could only get help when I made others aware of my problem, first and foremost family.
While my drug of choice is alcohol, I'm sure the way to go about it is the same: sit your parents down, admit to your problem and your wanting to stop, and your need for help to get through this. Rarely can this be done alone, you'll need real life support.
As for insurance and Medicaid, I don't know. It really depends on what state you live in. In my case in MA, I was set up with insurance while in the detox unit and it was taken care of. Look into what the options are in your state and go from there. Maybe even call a hotline?
Best of luck to you <3
While my drug of choice is alcohol, I'm sure the way to go about it is the same: sit your parents down, admit to your problem and your wanting to stop, and your need for help to get through this. Rarely can this be done alone, you'll need real life support.
As for insurance and Medicaid, I don't know. It really depends on what state you live in. In my case in MA, I was set up with insurance while in the detox unit and it was taken care of. Look into what the options are in your state and go from there. Maybe even call a hotline?
Best of luck to you <3
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Toronto
Posts: 27
I decided to come clean with all my love ones in the last few days about my drinking problems. I admitted to the lies and didn't held anything back. My wife is very hurt and I don't know she will ever trust me again. My parents have been wonderful. I found it help to verbalize my issues.
Good Luck!
Good Luck!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi and welcome Yorker
I think at 37 it depends on your motivation.
Is your motivation help getting help to stay clean?
Do think about it tho - if this won't change the situation much other than unburdening yourself and will only upset them, maybe you're better to lean on places like us, NA, AA etc?
Ultimately, if telling them is what you want to do, then honesty is the best policy, I think.
There's no nice way to come clean.
I don't know plaything about subs and while I'm sorry for your insurance delay, we really can't give you medical advice here under our rules.
You're way better off discussing your treatment options with a qualified professional.
D
I think at 37 it depends on your motivation.
Is your motivation help getting help to stay clean?
Do think about it tho - if this won't change the situation much other than unburdening yourself and will only upset them, maybe you're better to lean on places like us, NA, AA etc?
Ultimately, if telling them is what you want to do, then honesty is the best policy, I think.
There's no nice way to come clean.
I don't know plaything about subs and while I'm sorry for your insurance delay, we really can't give you medical advice here under our rules.
You're way better off discussing your treatment options with a qualified professional.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 64
in early recovery, i tried to avoid telling people that i was getting sober because i didn't want to be accountable for it...i wanted to be able to change my mind and drink in front of them and not have to explain myself.
so once i did tell begin to tell people, it was an added layer of protection against a relapse. for once, pride helped to me keep me out of trouble.
when i told my parents, they already knew that i was in trouble and they were grateful to be included in the conversation. just being honest with them was a way of bridging the gap that my destructive behaviors had created. it also raises the stakes, though, because relapse would undo all of that goodwill. for me, that's an extra incentive to avoid relapse -- which i never consider to be an option.
i'm not saying you ought to tell your parents, just reporting my experience.
so once i did tell begin to tell people, it was an added layer of protection against a relapse. for once, pride helped to me keep me out of trouble.
when i told my parents, they already knew that i was in trouble and they were grateful to be included in the conversation. just being honest with them was a way of bridging the gap that my destructive behaviors had created. it also raises the stakes, though, because relapse would undo all of that goodwill. for me, that's an extra incentive to avoid relapse -- which i never consider to be an option.
i'm not saying you ought to tell your parents, just reporting my experience.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 2
I want to tell my parents because they are my only source of support right now. I have tried many times detoxing on my own secretly, but failed. Now I am broke and living with my father and I need to let them know whats going on. I dont have anyone to help me through this. I am very alone in this fight so far. I just need someone to be aware of what Im going through and help me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
If you need the help and telling them is going to facilitate getting help, I think you just spit it out. I wouldn't say anything if it'll end up with you getting booted out into the street, but if that's not in the cards then, what, you have to deal with their disappointment, en route to them helping you with your problem? Probably not a pleasant thing, but what can you do? You go down the hole, there ain't no elevator, the only back is a slow climb.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
Originally Posted by Yorker
I want to tell my parents because they are my only source of support right now. I have tried many times detoxing on my own secretly, but failed. Now I am broke and living with my father and I need to let them know whats going on. I dont have anyone to help me through this. I am very alone in this fight so far. I just need someone to be aware of what Im going through and help me.
What about you taking responsibility instead, Yorker?
They are not your only source of support right now. There's this and other recovery sites, AA and a plethora of other recovery groups, your Dr, counselling, and inpatient and outpatient rehab programmes.
You're 37 years old.
If you're simply looking for support I don't think that's enough reason to bring in and worry your folks, Yorker.
D
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