I'm proud of him
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 537
I'm proud of him
I know he has a long, long way to go, as do I....but he's seven weeks sober tomorrow, and I'm feeling very proud of him!
He was very committed in rehab, and he's been following his release plan to the letter. I was very worried when he left rehab...the day he left he got a call his dad was dying. His dad did pass away, and all AH's siblings flew back to Australia...siblings with whom he has immensely difficult relationships with and usually cause a lot of pressure and precipitate a binge. They're also big, big drinkers. He also had confirmation that he's lost his job. But his behaviour has really been beyond reproach.
I'm in shock really...there's no way I thought he'd get through this...thought he could *maybe* maintain sobriety when things were all fine and dandy...but knowing his dad was sick I fully expected him to relapse when things got critical. He hasn't...despite lots of drunken family antics around him.
The funeral is Thursday...he is admitting he's going to find this very, very challenging. There is a massive booze up AT the funeral.....300 people will be attending and all are alcoholics, massive drinkers, big drinkers or just drinkers!! But we'll see.
I'm feeling quietly hopeful...but also with that hope goes nervousness too. It's nice having him be sober. But with that brings some emotional investment...the more I hope, the more I have to lose. I haven't been to therapy as the weeks been mad with dad dying. But I'm trying to go about my business and be happy regardless. Im not sure I know how to do that. I found it easier to detach when things were bad...the 'badder' they got, the easier detachment was. But seeing the man I fell in love with in front of me...well this is harder.
I'd love some tips on how to handle this!!
Anyways....just wanted to check in......
ETA I know it's 'only' seven weeks...I know....it's early days.
He was very committed in rehab, and he's been following his release plan to the letter. I was very worried when he left rehab...the day he left he got a call his dad was dying. His dad did pass away, and all AH's siblings flew back to Australia...siblings with whom he has immensely difficult relationships with and usually cause a lot of pressure and precipitate a binge. They're also big, big drinkers. He also had confirmation that he's lost his job. But his behaviour has really been beyond reproach.
I'm in shock really...there's no way I thought he'd get through this...thought he could *maybe* maintain sobriety when things were all fine and dandy...but knowing his dad was sick I fully expected him to relapse when things got critical. He hasn't...despite lots of drunken family antics around him.
The funeral is Thursday...he is admitting he's going to find this very, very challenging. There is a massive booze up AT the funeral.....300 people will be attending and all are alcoholics, massive drinkers, big drinkers or just drinkers!! But we'll see.
I'm feeling quietly hopeful...but also with that hope goes nervousness too. It's nice having him be sober. But with that brings some emotional investment...the more I hope, the more I have to lose. I haven't been to therapy as the weeks been mad with dad dying. But I'm trying to go about my business and be happy regardless. Im not sure I know how to do that. I found it easier to detach when things were bad...the 'badder' they got, the easier detachment was. But seeing the man I fell in love with in front of me...well this is harder.
I'd love some tips on how to handle this!!
Anyways....just wanted to check in......
ETA I know it's 'only' seven weeks...I know....it's early days.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Im sorry for the loss of your FIL... sounds like a very challenging situation with the loss, plus the other family and friends.. my prayers will be with you and your husband..
I think you should be proud of him.. I personally don't think you need to detach, just work on dealing with your own emotions regardless of what comes your way... and I think you can call him RAH now if you want..
I think you should be proud of him.. I personally don't think you need to detach, just work on dealing with your own emotions regardless of what comes your way... and I think you can call him RAH now if you want..
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Of course there are no guarantees - but I think one of the things that click with an A is when they are able to view their drunken behavior sober i.e. the drunken antics that are going on right now with the funeral, siblings and friends. I hope that RAH gets this experience, and that it affirms his desire not to be like that.
He is RAH. The day someone enters recovery they become an RA.
He is RAH. The day someone enters recovery they become an RA.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hi Jarp,
That is good news. The death of my XAH's mother is what sent him into a tailspin. It sounds like he is applying all he learned, which is a great thing.
The thing about recovery is there are no guarantees. So just be still and be in the moment, and at this moment he is sober.
Of course you have to have a plan, but beyond that, it's his to accomplish.
Tight Hugs....so sorry for all you and your family are going through.
That is good news. The death of my XAH's mother is what sent him into a tailspin. It sounds like he is applying all he learned, which is a great thing.
The thing about recovery is there are no guarantees. So just be still and be in the moment, and at this moment he is sober.
Of course you have to have a plan, but beyond that, it's his to accomplish.
Tight Hugs....so sorry for all you and your family are going through.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,423
When my RABF was in the early stages of sobriety I made sure I focussed on my recovery & let him focus on his. It is important to take a step back from the relationship & let each other deal with their own issues. That's not to say you can't support him where need be but don't make him the be all & end all.
So glad to hear he is doing well despite a very hard time.
Best of luck.
So glad to hear he is doing well despite a very hard time.
Best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 64
I am SO happy for you Jarp! Good for your RAH for sticking with his aftercare plan especially during this difficult time...those are ACTIONS showing that he is committed to his sobriety.
My AH has been very committed during his inpatient treatment too and I finally get to pick him up tomorrow! I have a lot of the same feelings you described but I am very excited.
And thank you for asking about the "RAH" vs AH question. My "RAH" is sober 32 days today
I will pray for you guys!!
My AH has been very committed during his inpatient treatment too and I finally get to pick him up tomorrow! I have a lot of the same feelings you described but I am very excited.
And thank you for asking about the "RAH" vs AH question. My "RAH" is sober 32 days today
I will pray for you guys!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Jarp,
I think your RAH is doing great. He is still committed. I'm also wishing the best for both of you. Advice? I think we both know here that we are talking about 2 different problems. So my advice may come across as really strange here. Validate his feelings but not to the point that you lose your boundaries.
I am so sorry to hear about your FIL. My deepest condolences.
((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
I think your RAH is doing great. He is still committed. I'm also wishing the best for both of you. Advice? I think we both know here that we are talking about 2 different problems. So my advice may come across as really strange here. Validate his feelings but not to the point that you lose your boundaries.
I am so sorry to hear about your FIL. My deepest condolences.
((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
And remember . . . WE are here for YOU.
So . . . . You take care of YOU.
He has his Sponsor, His Program, His HP, His follow on Therapist. on and on.
One thing my sponsor told me . . . and our whole group . . . at the end of the Steps Program. "You Will Be Tested." [some folks say that is not so, but it was true for me.] I was tested . . . AND I failed. I was horrified and enraged. Which turned out ok. It meant that Hammer could not make it on Hammer's own.
That is Step 1, Redux. We Fall Down. We Get Up Again. By God's Grace and Mercy.
Same with your Hubby. He cannot make it on his own . . . He will need ALL those -- Sponsor + Program + HP + Therapist, etc. But NONE of those are YOU, so NONE of those are YOUR Problem.
So . . . . You take care of YOU.
He has his Sponsor, His Program, His HP, His follow on Therapist. on and on.
One thing my sponsor told me . . . and our whole group . . . at the end of the Steps Program. "You Will Be Tested." [some folks say that is not so, but it was true for me.] I was tested . . . AND I failed. I was horrified and enraged. Which turned out ok. It meant that Hammer could not make it on Hammer's own.
That is Step 1, Redux. We Fall Down. We Get Up Again. By God's Grace and Mercy.
Same with your Hubby. He cannot make it on his own . . . He will need ALL those -- Sponsor + Program + HP + Therapist, etc. But NONE of those are YOU, so NONE of those are YOUR Problem.
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