jakec

Hello everyone, as of today I have 35 days sober. I've been struggling the last few days with intense cravings and I was wondering why they were happening all of a sudden and why they wouldn't go away and I just realized the answer.. The answer is selfishness. For the first 20 or so days of my sobriety I was going through the 12 steps to work on me, and carrying the message to other addicts and other alcoholics in AA. I wasn't always happy go lucky but I had not one desire to use or drink and I even received a text from an unknown number asking me if I wanted to do my drug of choice with him and I didn't even think twice about it, I said no and moved on. Ever since my ex died two weeks ago I've been in a rut of selfpity, I stopped caring about other people. I still went to meetings and went through the steps but I was slipping spiritually. For the past week my cravings have steadily gotten worse and I even went as far as texting an old using buddy thank god he didn't respond. For the entire day I've been feeling sorry for myself thinking that its not fair that I've been working so hard just to feel like I'm being eaten alive by this obsession. I realized just now that I need start helping others, putting other peoples feelings before mine, and make more of an effort to grow spiritually if I'm to stay clean. The big book talks about how selfishness is the root of our troubles so starting now I'm going to make an honest effort to be more selfless because I don't ever want to go back to the horrors of addiction.

Dee74

I wouldn't beat yourself up too much - losing a loved one, even an ex, is enough to knock anyone around Jake.

I think helping others is a great way to move forward tho. Kudos to you, man

D

Coldfusion

Good going on 35 days! I think posting here at SoberRecovery is a great way to help others.

Soberwolf

Well done on day 35 Jake im guessing its more now so well done again

least

Congrats on 35 days sober! Why not consider volunteering somewhere? You'd get out of the house, out of your own head, and do something good for others.

Thepatman

I am sorry about your loss. Sobriety in these difficult times can be rough, but can also make you stronger, in memories of the lost.

Anna

Gosh, I think that you have to take a breath and be kind to yourself. 35 days sober is still early and emotions are up and don, and losing someone you loved is a big deal. It makes sense that you need to take time to grieve and move on.

PurpleKnight

35 Days is fantastic!! Don't beat yourself up!!