james186

Back again folks James18/186... sat drunk as **** listening to The End by The Doors...everyone is worried about me now...I can do it ifi want., I came on here coz I can't articulate how I feel in words. I'm not gonna do it but I feel pretty bad...

Lost your messages if anyone pm'd me.

SoberLeigh

Welcome back, James. Sorry to hear that you are struggling.

Verte

Hi James! How many days sober are you? What's on your mind these days?

Welcome and glad you are back. As you know, you are among friends

Anna

Welcome back, James. I'm sorry you're struggling.

james186

Hi, that's an interesting question; there's a therapist somewhere who'd love me...I did sober for a while and the demons caught up with me. Lets be honest, the pain of being alive is on my mind. Sorry, not helpful...I'm drunk and shouldn't be possting here, but it beats the alternatives.

lighteningbug

Why did you get drunk tonight?

least

Do you have a counselor you can talk to about this? It sounds like you're at the end of your rope. Remember, we are here for you.

SoberLeigh

Things can get better again, James.

SR is here to support you; we care.

Would you like to say anything more about the demons. Have you talked to a counsellor about what is bothering you?

Soberwolf

James good to see you bud welcome back

really good to see you friend

Rina

Glad you are back on here James! Hang in there. The depression can be awful but the fact that you are reaching out is a good sign. You are not alone.

bigsombrero

Good to see you James. Stick around and chat if you're feeling pretty low. I'm not sure what you mean by "I'm not going to do it" but I hope you're not talking about anything serious here. If you want to post your feelings, you're in a safe place buddy.

james186

I guess I forgot what 'rock bottom' felt like. I've been in worse situations than this before, but mentally I'm at a low point. Not only did I get hammered, I went out to score drugs. Something I haven't actively done for nearly 10 years. Alcohol doesn't fill the hole any more - nothing does. I tried not drinking and without booze I'm left with all this **** to deal with. I get it now, I'm ****** up and need help. I don't want to be that person but I am. I'm destructive and on the edge.

I've been here before but I always blamed the booze and drugs,; this time I got here by myself.

james186

Sorry I can'treply to each post, I'll hopefully co e back tomorrow and read through properly an a better frame of mind

ScottFromWI

Did you ever check out that AA meeting that's walking distance from home James? Gotta be honest, you are the only one that can end this roller coaster ride you've been on. Whatever you've been doing is not working.

Dee74

If you're feeling really low and thinking of self harm, here's some links that might help James

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

There are numbers you can call too:

CALM, the campaign against living miserably
Helpline – Nationwide
Call 0800 58 58 58

Our national helpline is open 7 days a week, 5pm to midnight. Callers can talk through any issue, we’ll listen and offer information and signposting. Calls are anonymous & confidential and won’t show up on your phone bill. Calls are free from landlines, payphones and O2, Orange, Virgin & Vodafone mobile networks. Other mobile networks and supermarket brand sims may charge.


Papyrus:
Call HOPELineUK 0800 068 41 41

or email: [email protected] *

or text: 07786 209697* *You do not have to give your name or whereabouts.

Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 * (UK)

And yes I know in the past you've said you want to do this by yourself - but maybe thats not realistic anymore?

Perhaps a meeting based recovery group like AA, SMART Recovery or LifeRing could help to? You'd have real people to connect with?

D

james186

Been there, didn't do it Dee.

Scott, thanks for the AA suggestion, but I need a therapist or a psychiatrist. Alcohol is a symptom of something else.

ScottFromWI

Seeing a therapist would be a great idea, but you need to stop drinking too. Alcohol is a depressant, many of my issues ( anxiety, panic ) were caused by drinking.

Dee74

I started drinking for underlying reasons certainly, but I also developed a fine case of alcoholism along the way.

Addressing the underlying causes and not the alcoholism could be as catastrophic as what you're doing now James.

I get it - I wanted desperately for my drinking to be a symptom of something else because once I got whatever it was else fixed, maybe I could drink like others did....

I've known you long enough to say this James...I think you need to face facts - alcohol is not merely a symptom of something else for you.

D

james186

I know, I know...you're both right. And patient. Alcohol is pushing me over the cliff that I'm already on.

ScottFromWI

So do something about it. You've gotten a tremendous amount of support and a host of suggestions over the past year. Some of the help is literally a phone call or a short walk from your house. You can do this, but you need to make the first move.