helpimalive

My family is fine. My parents make me hate myself (you know, like parents do), but they try. My sister is my sun moon and stars. I love the parents in a luke-warm way, love love love my sister.

None of the three of them know I have a problem. My problem started away at college and then afterward I moved across the country for a job. When I visit, I put on a very convincing and carefully calibrated normal-drinker act.

Do I tell them I have a problem and I'm trying to quit? For honesty's sake?

I don't speak to them anymore because I was very busy being wasted all the time and hating myself too much to even answer texts. But they don't know that.

They're the only people "in" my life other than my boyfriend because I have no friends or acquaintances so I feel I should tell ...

But.

My mom WILL tell me I'm making it up and being melodramatic. My dad is not capable of real emotions and will be fake sympathetic and I'll vomit; he's a HIGH functioning alcoholic himself, probably. My sister will worry.

Do I tell any or all of them? What's the wisdom on this?

Anna

It doesn't sound like anything positive could come from that, especially the negative responses from your parents. I was very vulnerable when I stopped drinking and I didn't say anything to anyone about what I was doing. I was afraid I might fall apart if someone said something negative or nasty.

The best thing to do, in my opinion, is to focus on yourself and your plan to get sober.

Hawks

I have told my mum I'm in AA and she was like "thank God.... Finally "

(she knows how i drank)

My in laws are the same.

My wife is the same, she knows more than anyone.

Most of my friends know and the non alcoholic ones have the same "thank God... Finally " attitude.

The only ones who are having a "what a drama queen " reaction funnily enough, are the ones who still drink like I used to.

Dee939918

Yes you have to see if you can stop without anyone's help if you keep
Falling into the same hole then go to sleep he next step and speak
To a counciler.

Stevie1

What Anna said, with the following caveat: Tell the family members you know will be receptive and supportive, and IGNORE those who aren't. Because they are not going to be helpful. Feel free to tell them why they're not in your information loop.

Again, as Anna said: will this be helpful or hurtful to you? Your sobriety is yours and nobody else's so don't do anything to jeopardize it.

MelindaFlowers

I would tell them after you have three months sobriety. At the end my words meant nothing to me or anybody else when I would say I was done drinking.

helpimalive

This is what I thought. I just wasn't sure I was right because it seems dishonest, you know? They're my parents. But it does make sense.

lighteningbug

Only tell them if you are sure they will support you and not do anything to hinder your recovery. Remember, your problem and your recovery is your business. Only share what you are comfortable with.

Bug

Stevie1

If there was ever a time to be 100 percent honest, truthful, selfish and present: This is it. Screw what anyone else thinks. This is for you, and catering to others' needs will compromise that.

**** the others; this is your life and your survival. This is not the time for you to continue being the pleaser, catering to others' needs. Get selfish, get real and get going for yourself and nobody else.

OklaBH

It's ur personal business. Even across country their reaction could set you back.

Fly N Buy

I found I could always tell anyone I choose to, but couldn't untell them. When I attempted to quit at a much younger I told many people. Well, it didn't quit stick....

It does make one more accountable, however.

For me, I simply work on my sobriety now before I care to share this information.

You'll ultimately share with who you want when you want .....

FlyN

Cokietheclown

Both of my parents are alcoholics, and although the old man is aware he has a problem, the old dear is in total denial. I told my folks I had stopped drinking as I felt it was something I needed to close down...it wasn't about getting support from them, quite frankly they would be as much help as a chocolate fireplace, it was so that the conversation was done, and it removed the whole 'why aren't you drinking/have a drink'

I talked, they listened, and when the expected reply of 'don't be silly, you don't have a problem' came, I simply stated I did, and I was dealing with it, and that their opinion of my drinking was irrelevant, I was just keeping them informed out of courtesy (I should explain that I live 200+ miles away, so when they visit they needed to be aware the house was a no fly zone for booze - they stay in a local hotel now, apparently it's my cats and my kids waking up at stupid o'clock - nothing to do with the terrifying prospect of not drinking)

Seeking support from those that can help is critical, sounds like your sister would worry, but that's her job, she's your sister, let her help you - playing devils advocate, if the roles were reversed and you later found out she had been through something like this without talking to you, might you be a little upset that she hadn't spoken to you for help?

retiredusaf

If they are going to bring me down or cause other issues, they don't need to know. I did announce it on my Facebook and had many positives and no negatives. Even one high school buddy that told me he goes to AA. I didn't tell my daughter only because I don't need it getting back to my ex-wife that I have a drinking problem. Plus I did not tell her out of respect for my wife because she is quitting also and does not get along with my daughter. It is a hard decision you have to make but only you can make it.

helpimalive

I've pretty much decided to wait until I have like a month to tell even think about telling anybody anything.

Get to a place where my thoughts are even straight in my own head maybe :p

I'll probably obsess about this again later, ha.

Dee74

I told everyone - just about hired a skywriter lol

It made me feel better, but I regret it now because I'm not sure it made anyone else feel better - it certainly didn't change anything in my family, who are still in denial that I could be an alcoholic.

In your case I agree with Anna it doesn't seem like telling them is going to be particularly useful for you or for them.

D

Jwalker

Do what is best for your sobriety and don't worry about anyone else. Only you can decide what that means.

For me, there are people who know and those that do not -- my family are all aware, my work does not, most of my neighbors do not, etc.

Jwalker

Hawks

I reckon youve just come up with your own best answer there mate, well done

helpimalive

Haha, I guess so !

But it was good to hear it wasn't like mandatory to be honest about this kind of thing when getting sober.