lightshadow

Alright guys, I've been drinking, but here goes;

Haven't drank since Monday night. . which was my girlfriend's birthday. Joined this group uh, Wednesday?. Not sure how. . .

Wait, yes I do know... Woke up one morning and goggled only "sober". Brought me here. Good name guys.

Anyway...

I basically made a thread trying to argue that I'm just a drunk not an alcoholic - Alcoholics go to meetings! - and you all told me, no, you are an alcoholic.

You were right

I stopped drinking on Tuesday because . . . I don't know. I didn't announce that I would stop. I didn't plan to stop forever. I just knew it was time to stop. I didn't need to drink that day. and I carried that on until today - friday - the day that you're supposed to for sure be able to drink.

my girlfriend has been off for most of this week, so it's been incentive for me to not drink. I guess I wanted to show her that I could casually not drink and not make a fuss about it.

I finally did say at some point, "hey, have you noticed I haven't drank in three days?" and she basically said "so? do you want a ******* medal or something?"

Which I guess is the correct answer.

Because tonight as soon as I dropped her at work I went to the grocery, and then directly to the liquor store. I bought a bottle of wine and I figured I didn't want to crack it before she got home (she does drink with me, but is not an alcoholic....)

so I bought a Micky of whiskey. I have downed half of it with coke and yet I am continuing to read this website; which I guess is a good thing.

The realization that I was - I am - an alcoholic was when I felt the compulsion to stop drinking the Micky and hide it - - pretend it didn't happen, try to sober up for a few hours before she gets home - - - - - - -
That's when I knew. You're all right, SoberRecovery folks.

I am an alcoholic. I am 29. self-employed. I live in one of the nicest parts of one of the nicest cities in Canada - Victoria. I have a beautiful 23 year old girlfriend who really should be my wife. . . but I am an alcoholic. I guess that's really the problem.

When I look at ALL the problems, vices, mis-decisions, things that are simply not working in my life. . I think alcohol is actually the EASIEST and most potent and urgent things for me to change.

At least I know now.

Thanks SR folks.
s
Now what.

.
.
.

helpimalive

Okay I have no advice as to what now because I am all four days sober, but ... This seems like you're being honest with yourself in a great way and it makes me very, very happy to see it Because yeah probably hiding liquor isn't normal. And going first thing to the liquor store like that probably isn't normal.

I read your original thread and I wondered how you might be doing. Like I said over there, I went/go through the same kind of thought processes as you.

Welcome back One idea for "what now"--and it's just one idea, like I said, I'm no authority--is to stay on here and keep reading? I don't know, it's definitely helping me.

I'm sure smarter people than I will answer your actual question.

Dee74

Hi Lightshadow

You do what we all do...start a day one, find support, make changes in our lives to help us stay sober and take it from there.

By the way I removed your other thread. We don't usually do that but you seemed pretty insistent.

D

MavisTheFairy13

I drank yesterday on day 9, back to day 1 again. Wasn't worth it. It never is. Make a plan and keep posting, you can do this

HeadLump

Accepting, really accepting, deep down, that you can never have a normal relationship with alcohol is the hardest but most life-changing thing you'll ever do. And to do that at the tender age of 29 is fantastic.

I was way, way older than that when I finally embraced acceptance, but the freedom I feel and the changes I've gone through are amazing. I wouldn't go back to my 'old' life for anything!

Reading and posting here has helped me enormously. I've learned so much not only about alcoholism but also about the human spirit, about determination, that I'm not a freak and that I'm not alone. For me (so far) Sober Recovery has been enough. Others have found AA or Rational Recovery to be pivotal for them.

Welcome aboard, Lightshadow. Whatever you choose to do, you'll now have thousands of kindred spirits walking with you every step of the way

heartcore

Now you become your truest and best self...that's what...

Don't drink, create your plan, tweak the plan when required, don't drink, change, grow, don't drink, have a bad night, don't drink, have a great night, don't drink, find support, be brave, don't drink, wake up one day and realize that you are new, and that you don't drink, and that you are amazing...

goose333

LightShadow
Now what? That's up to you. You really have to want to quit to do this. You can't half commit. You can't buy wine to share with someone and then pre-game with whiskey. That just shows me you are not serious.
So make a plan. What will you do when that voice starts talking to you again?... just have one. For me, there is no such thing as having one. One is a trigger that leads to way way too much. Sign up for the 4 Hour connections thread 2. It helps.
As far as medals, well encouragement is very important. If your girlfriend won't provide any we will. Come here and tell us your accomplishments. You'll get plenty of praise. ...And congratulations on your 3 days! That first step is huge. Realizing you have a problem and doing something about it. That's fantastic! Really.
So pick yourself up, and start again. It may take a number of tries. It did for me. One thing to remember is Never Quit Quitting.

sprout50

Now what? Now you don't drink. Now you find support. Does your girlfriend think you have a problem with alcohol? If not, I would tell her outright. You say in your post that alcohol would be the easiest thing to change. If you are hiding whiskey, it is not going to be easy and you are going to need some support. Your girlfriend is going to need to understand.

You need to put a plan in place. What are you going to do when others are drinking around you? What are you going to do at those times when you would normally drink?

You will find support here and yes, you do deserve a medal for not drinking. They do give them out at AA you know.

MelindaFlowers

We have to get to the point where we are more scared of continuing to drink than living without the crutch. Are you there yet?

It helped me to think of the ten happiest healthy people I know and they rarely drink, if at all. They drink like most people eat cheesecake: rarely and only on special occasions. They are living proof that people don't need alcohol to be happy.

Barnumb

If you think your life is awesome now, just imagine it without alcohol clouding you judgement and wasting your productive time. Having the realization that you have a problem with alcohol at you ages, gives you a distinct advantage to figuring this out in your 30's, 40's or later. Stop the abuse now.

IOAA2

Hi.
For many I’m a old hard liner who was taught by being around many old timers for a bunch of years. I’m one of those who thinks following directions is admitting defeat so I was very reluctant following their suggestions. Finally when the pain was sufficient I surrendered to the fact I can not drink in safety.
First I needed to be honest with myself about my drinking and stop whitewashing it. Then I needed the motivation to get sober for myself, not the wife, GF, kids, job etc. those things will be better with our sobriety in time. Work and changing the person who was drinking were perhaps the scariest things for me and others but so necessary for long term success.
Alcoholism is a progressive disease and never gets any better than today if we continue drinking.
Try reading the success stories, they are all tied to NOT drinking one day at a time in a row.

BE WELL

Conquest

I say, stick around!

Good work on those 3 days. You did it before, now do it again. It'll be even better now with your honesty and SR support. At least, it has been for me.
Best wishes

Fly N Buy

Me either....... Thank God I don't have to stop forever! That would be to overwhelming to even contemplate. If I thought about anything I need to do forever it would drive me insane. I am not wired that way - too impulsive and non committal.

Fortunately, I found a way to get a daily reprieve from being drunk. The obsession to drink as been removed TODAY and all I must do is follow some simple things I have learned here and in groups to not get in the way!

Glad you're here Today!!
Flyn

fastfocus

sorry but I laughed when I read the bit,

I finally did say at some point, "hey, have you noticed I haven't drank in three days?" and she basically said "so? do you want a ******* medal or something?"

its obvious from that to me, that this was a big deal for you, because that tells me when youre not drinking youre thinking drink?

I so relate to the

I finally did say at some point, "hey, have you noticed I haven't drank in three days?" and she basically said "so? do you want a ******* medal or something?"

because I had a very similar conversation with my wife once

my wife is like your girlfriend, normal, they don't obsess over alcohol

as for now, start at the beginning like we all did, get some structure in to your sobriety, choose which sobriety route you wish to use, mine is AA and the 12 steps

all the best

dave

MightyFlea21

What's worked for me to is simply wake up and say - I will not drink today. I don't bother to think about tomorrow or how I messed up yesterday. My goal is to not drink today. When I wake up tomorrow I'll have the same goal. It has helped me make it to 3 weeks. It's not always easy and some days it's really hard but you'll be better off. Stay strong.

XIIIXXIXXVI

As you said in chat last night, "Step 1: Don't drink. Repeat step 1. Do no revert to step 2."

Bri

Wastinglife

Welcome Lightshadow. I was 29 when I could no longer ignore my drinking. I just went into denial and drank more and more until age 34 when I finally ended up in rehab. Lost pretty much everything in life by the end. You don't need validation from your girlfriend or anyone else that you are an alcoholic if you know it yourself.

Rehab, AA, therapy are all options. You do need to reach out for help somewhere. You can't do it alone!

Anna

I'm glad you have decided that you need to stop drinking for good.

We know this is hard and we are here for you.

Fly N Buy

Bad habits can be recreated into a New Normal!!! For me, it's way out from what many would consider their "norm" however. THAT is recovery and living life on life's terms! - My Normal is all that matters..... we all find our own ( Hope)

All who are sober TODAY are winners!!!!!
peace
Flyn

helpimalive

I meant normal by like ... normal people standards XD

Hiding liquor and stopping off straight at the liquor store when given half a chance are certainly things that have been normal in my life, haha. I didn't give that kind of thing a second thought, not really.

Then when I did I was like, there are three empty liquor bottles, two empty wine bottles, an empty champagne bottle, and four empty beer bottles hidden under my sink, six beers stashed in my bedside table, and a half-empty vokda bottle in my "hair accessories drawer," and that's probably not normal?

I just realized that where you, lightshadow, were at last night, hiding liquor for the first time, that's where I was five years ago. Extra-large wine bottle in the closet for when I needed something in my coke cup without my roommate knowing what it was.

It definitely didn't clue me in like this.

Good for you lightshadow