Nowsthetime

Hello all: so I go to this event tonight. As soon as I walk in my friend (the one that I was there to support) announces out loud "this is my friend NTT and she doesn't drink at all"... There was about 10 people there, 3 I have met before but not close and the rest were strangers. I was taken aback but it happened kind of fast. Then I was asked (and this was happening in front of everyone all eyes on me) why and I said the same old story about being a mom, not wanting a hangover... Whatever.

I know she didn't mean any harm but geez that was kind of weird. I am a really confident person so I was fine but a piece of me felt that what she did was a little inappropriate... I don't know. She is supportive of my desicion but only because it is what I want. If I wanted to drink she would support that. I felt a little exposed. Not sure how to feel.

Any thoughts?

MyTime86

That was pretty rude I wouldn't down play it if I were you.. Maybe she didn't mean anything by it but I would let her know how you feel about it.
If she's a good friend I'm sure it won't happen again. But she needs to know that this is a serious thing for you.

FeenixxRising

It wouldn't surprise me if she subconsciously did mean to throw a verbal dig your way. Either that, or her social graces need some serious work. Does she drink? To me, her actions suggest that she's defensive about your decision to quit.

If it were me, I would watch her future words and actions very closely. If she does something similar, I'd say she has an issue with your decision to quit and subconsciously feels the need to undercut your sobriety.

Dee74

Hmm, to me it sounds like she was probably trying to be supportive NTT...run interference for you maybe?

Could you explain to her you don't want it to be a BIG DEAL in future?

D

bunnezjp

Man, Sobriety's all wonderful and what-not, but calling you out like that? Idk....sounds like you handled it well.

Bunnez

FeenixxRising

I didn't consider that possibility. You could be right Dee.

MyTime86

^ true

Nowsthetime

Yes, she is a momma hen kind... She is one of the ones that denies my alcoholism but supports what I want. Still weird. My husband made the analogy that one doesn't walk around going "hello, I'm so and so and I'm heterosexual" when you just meet someone. I had a good time, laughed a lot. I'm glad I went and glad I didn't go to the after party.

I did feel totally on blast, center of attention, all eyes on me...

Hawks

Glass half full - she wanted to shield you and support you

A bit OTT but, to me, that's forgivable.

Sounds like a good friend to me

Briar

Some people are well intentioned but tactless. You can assume all kinds of things about her motives in doing that (and if you're like me, you will), but you won't know until you discuss it with her. And regardless of her motives, if you are going to hang out with her, she needs to know how you want that information handled. Some people don't pick up on subtleties and need to be told specifically what you need.

Low

What is she like, 10 years old or something? Does she suffer no social graces in other areas or was this a first? Anyway, I wouldn't give it any more energy, but I don't think I would share much with her. Glad you are doing so well! Focus on the good, so much more in store for you as we trudge this great journey!

Nowsthetime

Funny Low, that's exactly what my hubby said. She is immature, calls me her "bestie", etc. I am not mad or upset, It's just weird. I just thought I would share. The crazy things "normies" can do and say to us

MavisTheFairy13

That would have annoyed me but if she's being supportive then I would forgive her

Kevin78

My brother once introduced me to a friend of his, My bro was half pissed,

"This is my brother Kevin, He doesn't drink, He's an alcoholic" "I hope you don't mind me saying bro"

I had no F ****ng choice. Felt really down at that moment.

Some folk are just so ignorant and rude, it's not what happens, It's how we cope with it.

Have a good weekend.

Nuudawn

My two pennies...
Your "not" drinking somehow gives her anxiety..whether that be the change in your relationship or if she is a wee bit "codependent" she may feel that she is somehow responsible for your sobriety hence her overstatement of your sober status.

I do believe her intention was definitely to be supportive...but I know, for me, that would make me NUTS...
My sobriety is my business...both in my management of it and who I disclose it to.

Sasha4

..........and I bet quite a few of the group silently thought to themselves 'good for her, what a woman!"

xx