Anyone that had/has an opiate addiction & in a relationship, advice?
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 7
Anyone that had/has an opiate addiction & in a relationship, advice?
Hello,
I am just trying to get an understanding of the addict/former addicts point of view.
I am in a relationship with a recovering heroin addict & I am 100% sober.
He is currently in a halfway house after being in rehab for a little over a month.
It's hard for me to understand the things that go thru his mind. I was just wondering if anyone can tell me how your relationships were/are, if they worked out, struggles, etc.
Thanks!
I am just trying to get an understanding of the addict/former addicts point of view.
I am in a relationship with a recovering heroin addict & I am 100% sober.
He is currently in a halfway house after being in rehab for a little over a month.
It's hard for me to understand the things that go thru his mind. I was just wondering if anyone can tell me how your relationships were/are, if they worked out, struggles, etc.
Thanks!
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Pt Pleasant
Posts: 29
Well I'm 100% sober too and I was with my guy for 4 years. About 6 months into it I found out all about his lifestyle. He started doing drugs at the age of 15 and finally stopped heroin at 22...well that's what he told me anyway. He's 27 now and does everything else that he can to get and stay high all day and drinks from am to pm. Our only fights were his partying of course. He wants someone to party with and I want someone who doesn't now. I use to let it slide, but when I started to ask him to slow it down or to come home at night problems started and we are now broke up.
It does sound like progress that your guy did rehab, I have no experience with promises of getting clean. He just wanted me to except it. I will say it has been the hardest 4 years of my life. Even getting in the car and driving him someplace made me nervous because you just don't know what kind of things he had on him if you got pulled over. Looking back on it I wish I would of never put up with all of the craziness. Hope that helps a little. Goodluck to you!
It does sound like progress that your guy did rehab, I have no experience with promises of getting clean. He just wanted me to except it. I will say it has been the hardest 4 years of my life. Even getting in the car and driving him someplace made me nervous because you just don't know what kind of things he had on him if you got pulled over. Looking back on it I wish I would of never put up with all of the craziness. Hope that helps a little. Goodluck to you!
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
I'm in recovery. My DOC is prescription painkillers which is the same thing, just "legal."
Anyway, who knows what goes through the mind of a person who is high. I wish I could tell you. I try and forget now. Today I'm a rational human being-well mostly, I am human.
Best I can tell you is to get help for yourself. You can't do crap for anyone else, addict or not.
Anyway, who knows what goes through the mind of a person who is high. I wish I could tell you. I try and forget now. Today I'm a rational human being-well mostly, I am human.
Best I can tell you is to get help for yourself. You can't do crap for anyone else, addict or not.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 205
I was the sober one in my relationship with an opiate addict. He was a recovering heroin addict with 8 years sobriety and then started taking oxys and percs behind everyone's backs. At first he could manage it but after a few months he was addicted to them. Always leaving the house to "go to the store" and would be gone for an hour, always "running out to the car," taking phone calls outside, constantly borrowing money, stealing, and acting very rude, moody, and erratic. All intimacy gone, both physical and emotional. CONSTANT lies and manipulation. When he finally got caught he claimed he wanted to get clean. And maybe he did. But he relapsed two months later and went on a heroin binge. Just vanished.
Addiction is an all-encompassing illness of the mind, body, and spirit. When the addict is in active addiction, the drug is like air - necessary to survive. Nothing else matters. They won't eat or bathe for days, isolate themselves from non-users, don't think about the fact that people who love them are worried. It's hard to see someone you love live like that. And it's unpredictable. I know these weren't really your questions but I feel the need to let you know what you could be in for. Take care of yourself.
Addiction is an all-encompassing illness of the mind, body, and spirit. When the addict is in active addiction, the drug is like air - necessary to survive. Nothing else matters. They won't eat or bathe for days, isolate themselves from non-users, don't think about the fact that people who love them are worried. It's hard to see someone you love live like that. And it's unpredictable. I know these weren't really your questions but I feel the need to let you know what you could be in for. Take care of yourself.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, only he can understand what's going through his mind. Have you asked?
Recovery looks like recovery.
If you don't feel that you are being treated the way you should be - i.e. with respect, trust, honesty, kindness, etc. - then you need to figure out why you feel you don't deserve those things, you know?
Newly sober people are not the best relationship material, honestly. It has to be all about him and his recovery for quite some time.
Take care of you. Get some counseling. You deserve to be happy.
Recovery looks like recovery.
If you don't feel that you are being treated the way you should be - i.e. with respect, trust, honesty, kindness, etc. - then you need to figure out why you feel you don't deserve those things, you know?
Newly sober people are not the best relationship material, honestly. It has to be all about him and his recovery for quite some time.
Take care of you. Get some counseling. You deserve to be happy.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Anonnn,
What Hope7726(above) said rings true.
My experience is with my recovering daughters. One in particular, after she got out of the hospital and went thru IOP, I felt it was like a waiting game for the relapse...bad mistake
on my part. I would question, wait and look for "evidence" of her using...I was used to
her behavior before the recovery. What I didn't understand was that she was given tools and a "plan" for her aftercare, including the real possibility of a relapse.
She desperately wanted me to trust her or trust in her...but I couldn't bc I was hurt and didn't understand addiction and that it is a disease, demanding respect and hard work to stay recovery.
Once I learned this and accepted it and accepted that I was just as sick as she was...
life with a RA got a bit easier. I took the accusing attitude off her and starting taking care of me.. F2F, meetings, more rest, attempted normalcy and some hope and "trust", in "her", (not trust in "things" around her which still get locked up).
Good luck and take care, IMO, I feel everyone deserves a chance...
Hugs!
TF
What Hope7726(above) said rings true.
My experience is with my recovering daughters. One in particular, after she got out of the hospital and went thru IOP, I felt it was like a waiting game for the relapse...bad mistake
on my part. I would question, wait and look for "evidence" of her using...I was used to
her behavior before the recovery. What I didn't understand was that she was given tools and a "plan" for her aftercare, including the real possibility of a relapse.
She desperately wanted me to trust her or trust in her...but I couldn't bc I was hurt and didn't understand addiction and that it is a disease, demanding respect and hard work to stay recovery.
Once I learned this and accepted it and accepted that I was just as sick as she was...
life with a RA got a bit easier. I took the accusing attitude off her and starting taking care of me.. F2F, meetings, more rest, attempted normalcy and some hope and "trust", in "her", (not trust in "things" around her which still get locked up).
Good luck and take care, IMO, I feel everyone deserves a chance...
Hugs!
TF
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
it's never our job to understand how another's mind works, what they think, why they think the way they do. it's hard enough to know what's really going on in our own heads!
many addicts do recover. and many do not. some start and stop and start and stop and spend decades unable to pick one or the other. there is no way to predict what it will be for your partner. and there is no way to predict how things will turn out for you two.
you gotta stay in today and live your own life as best you can. work on establishing boundaries - not just for the addict - but for life....be clear on what is acceptable to you and what is not. be clear on your own morals values and ethics and make sure they are unwavering. keep your standards high. stay in your own hula hoop.
he is learning the tools that he needs to live a sober life. time will tell if he will use them or not.
many addicts do recover. and many do not. some start and stop and start and stop and spend decades unable to pick one or the other. there is no way to predict what it will be for your partner. and there is no way to predict how things will turn out for you two.
you gotta stay in today and live your own life as best you can. work on establishing boundaries - not just for the addict - but for life....be clear on what is acceptable to you and what is not. be clear on your own morals values and ethics and make sure they are unwavering. keep your standards high. stay in your own hula hoop.
he is learning the tools that he needs to live a sober life. time will tell if he will use them or not.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 205
Yep, what anvil said. When I first found out my ex was using I agreed to stay in his life on a day by day basis. All talk of marriage and kids was removed from the table. He came up with a recovery plan, I started counseling and Naranon and established my boundaries. That seemed to work well...until he relapsed 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
many people say that drugs are like a metaphorical mistress. There is some truth in that. A lot of times a spouse/gf/bf will have feelings similar to being cheated on... but...
We need to understand that it is the drug that is the addicts significant other and we are in fact the mistress on the side.
To be in a relationship with an addict means to always and forever take second place. In active addiction, the drugs come first. In early recovery (i would average the first two years) the program must come first.
Many times we get upset when nights spent out/away using get traded for nights spent out/away at meetings.
you have been goven good advice by the others here. This is a time to decide what you really want for yourself.
We need to understand that it is the drug that is the addicts significant other and we are in fact the mistress on the side.
To be in a relationship with an addict means to always and forever take second place. In active addiction, the drugs come first. In early recovery (i would average the first two years) the program must come first.
Many times we get upset when nights spent out/away using get traded for nights spent out/away at meetings.
you have been goven good advice by the others here. This is a time to decide what you really want for yourself.
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