ItsJustMe89

Today was day 4 for me. My mom wants to come up for a visit on Saturday (which will be day 6) and to be honest, I really don't want her to. We had a talk about my drinking about 2 months ago when I started IOP. She was concerned about my drinking also, but didn't think I was an "alcoholic". She will support me either way and I know that. After we talked about it that once, I have not felt like discussing it at all with her. Since then, I have come to believe that I am alcoholic and want to try being sober. I have been attempting to quit a couple times. I would not drink for 3 or 4 days and then drink and then attempt to quit again. I think this time around I will be able to quit but I don't want to talk to my mom about it until I know for sure that I will be able to keep it up. Also, my house is a complete mess. I would like to be able to clean it up at my own pace rather then franticly try to get it all done before she gets here Saturday.

And I just have not been in a social mood. I have been pushing everyone away because I don't want to talk about the fact that I am trying to get sober, besides with other recovering alcoholics. And there is not much else going on in my life to talk to my mom about because all I have been doing is going to meetings and attempting to get sober.

I just feel like the first week sober is hard enough as it is, without a visit from my mom. I am irritable and sad sometimes, lazy or out of sorts. If I just want to be left alone I feel like I shouldn't have to feel bad about that. But she won't understand why because I don't feel like telling her what I am going threw right now. I just wish I could be left alone until I get threw the first part of this.

Mrrryah1

Do what you need to, to take care of yourself and stay sober. Set some boundaries if you need to. Your life and sobriety are the most important thing!!

Dee74

Why not tell her not to come then Itsjustme?

D

Stevie1

I think that is OK, ItsJustMe.

I also think that many of us alkies and users have a problem with setting boundaries. It's something I am still working on. You should not feel guilty, or bad, or even like you owe anyone an explanation. Since she already knows what's going on with you, why not just tell her the truth? ("I am discombobulated and preoccupied with staying sober this weekend. I need some "me" time to get my **** together. Maybe next weekend OK? I love you thx bye.")

ItsJustMe89

I feel bad about wanting to tell her not to come because she tires to come for a visit once a month but it has been a lot longer then that since we had a visit. And I know she wants to see me and see how Im doing and what is going on in my life. But I don't feel like talking about any of that with her right now. I already told her she can come cause I feel bad about not wanting her to. And I don't know how to explain that I would rather be by myself right now.

suki44883

I understand how you feel. I would probably feel the same way. Early sobriety is so hard in and of itself. Having the added pressure of Mom wanting to come visit is almost beyond frightening. You wouldn't enjoy the visit and she would sense that and, therefore, she wouldn't enjoy it either.

I think you should just tell her that you aren't ready yet for a visit. She may not understand, but you have to do what you feel is in your best interests. When you are ready, you can invite her and enjoy the time together.

Dee74

I had to learn to put myself first - I'd always put other people's welfare or feelings before my own, then felt resentful over it.

Sounds like she's coming now tho, so I hope you end up enjoying the weekend anyway

D

Marcher13

Itsjustme if the weekend is definitely on with your mother then maybe you can take charge for the rest of it? Perhaps call her before she arrives to tell her that you are working on your sobriety but right now you don't want to talk about it.

Can you make some plans with her so that you can have fun together? Maybe go to a movie, out for a meal, walk around town together. Perhaps there are activities that you and your mother enjoy doing together that will keep you busy together but not up for deep and meaningfuls?

It's perfectly ok to set boundaries, you are an adult as well as a daughter.

ItsJustMe89

Marcher13, as of right now, it is on for Saturday. She called tonight and I said yes even tho I really didn't want to and she could tell I was not in a talkative mood. But we do have plans to do something fun together. We are going to go on a river cruise. But I want to call and cancel our plans in the morning and I feel horrible about it.

Marcher13

If you still feel the same way then call her and tell her exactly that and suggest that you meet up in a couple of weeks. If you really need space and time then that is the boundary you have to set for now.

If you are going to do this be sure to use your weekend time alone to work on your sobriety. Maybe you could call your mother on Sunday evening to let her know how your weekend went?

Stevie1

Why do you feel horrible about it? I don't get that.

I think you are giving this way more weight than it deserves. Let it go. I've backed down on plans with friends many a time, for various reasons. And vice versa. They're friends, they understand, life happens.

If you have an unnaturally close and co-dependent relationship with your mother, you need to work on that. Because right now it sounds like your mom-thing is sort of weird and not healthy.

lightshadow

My mom died when I was 15. Probably half the reason I drink so much.

Cherish your parents. They don't live forever.....

happyandfree

I'd call her and tell her that you are just not feeling up to a visit. Be honest with her and tell her you are OK but need some alone time this weekend. I can totally relate to your being irritable. I spent a lot of time alone in the beginning. ..and that's ok. It's called taking care of yourself. You will feel more sociable in time.

tomsteve

Can't say anything abut the visit, but on this whole trying and attempting to get sober thing..... That doesnt readvery positive and reads like you are already lining yourself up for another drink.