lightshadow

Hi. I am 29 years old and I am an every-day drinker. I've been sober for 72 hours now and I can't remember the last time I've gone this long without a drink.

I started about four years ago drinking heavily every day, after a stressful time in my life (breakup/job-loss). My drinking can range from 4 beers to an entire case of 12 in an evening. Almost never less. I can't remember the last time I haven't drank for this long.

I also sometimes could drink an entire 26oz bottle of alcohol in an evening. Although about a year ago I started having violent bouts of alcohol poisoning in which I'd spend an entire day vomiting, shaking, and delirious. I drink the hard stuff a lot more rarely now and never to excess.


I've been sober for 72 hours now and I don't think I am feeling the sort of withdrawl that other people have talked about. No shaking, pain, not too much stress, etc. I feel a little low-energy and sortof depressed but not more than that.

I like alcohol. I like it a lot. The idea of giving it up forever because I am "helpless" to control my behavior or execute discipline in my consumption of it feels like defeat.

Why can't I just have a healthy, non-dependent relationship with alcohol? Has anyone achieved this after a long time of dependance? Is completely quitting forever THE ONLY WAY for everyone?

I want my cake and I want to eat it too.

biminiblue

I think everyone who has an alcohol dependence will agree that they tried every moderation trick in the book before accepting that they could not drink at all ever again. I know I did - for a couple years I tried moderating.

It always led me to misery. I cannot drink like "normal" people. I drink to be drunk. To blot out the world, quiet my brain, numb my problems and feel the buzz.

The only solution for me is not drinking that first drink ever again.

Soberpotamus

I hear about moderation from others, and I also spent a year or so online at Moderation Management. Looking back, I'm really not sure why I did this. My intent was never to moderate. I wanted to be able to drink without consequences. I wanted to get drunk. I wanted the buzz, and I didn't want the buzz to ever stop. So I mistook that for wanting to "moderate" my drinking.

That said, there were people logging their drinks at MM who appeared to be moderating. Were they honest? I'm almost certain some were lying. Why? I fudged my numbers, so I know. The sad thing - I had my numbers set to private at some point and STILL lied about my intake. What's worse, I'd often not remember how many I drank because I lost count. Lol.

It's not that I was unsuccessful at moderating, it's that I never intended to moderate in the first place!

So, ask yourself... do you really want to drink 1-2 drinks and STOP? Ok, so when you try and drink 1-2 drinks, and you stop, how do you feel about that? My mind was always raging to get more.

lightshadow

I don't even feel like I drink to get drunk. I have SEEN friends very very drunk, and I wonder to myself, "Why can't I get that drunk? I could drink three times as much as they have and still be not falling down like them."

I am secretly envious that they can get that drunk. I can drink and drink and drink and there is basically no middle-ground between "still in control" and "passed out".

I WISH I COULD GET DRUNK! I think it would take me TWO 26oz bottles of rum. . . and I never drink that much...

biminiblue

Okay, so let's define that some more.

Sure, people with alcohol dependence become tolerant - meaning they can drink a lot and still be in control. If you've reached the stage where you cannot even get that pleasant buzz without passing out - you are probably beyond ever being able to drink moderately.

I hope you stay away from it and spend a lot of time learning about the problem.

Welcome to the site.

lightshadow

What would be other signs of advanced alcoholism?

biminiblue

I think you can Google the Stages of Alcoholism.

lightshadow

I am... it's indicating that advanced tolerance is actually one of the earliest side-effects of over-consumption.

And also - I've NEVER had a very low tolerance in the first place. I am 6'2, White Male, 220lbs, and of Scottish Decent.

I can't remember a time when alcohol got me more drunk than it does now. I've never lost my faculties. I've seen a lot of people whom you might not consider alcoholics making a lot more poor decisions and causing a lot more damage to themselves while under the influence. (injuries, anti-social behaviors, romantic mistakes, etc)

I just like to drink a little too much is all. So much that it's apparently causing concern for others despite the lack of apparent effect it has on me.

I'm attempting sobriety to see if I really am an alcoholic in the first place or just a heavy drinker that needs some more self-control.

desypete

i can well remember my last days of drinking all i had to do was take a small amount of cider and i would be drunk again i just could not sober up at all it took me 4 days till i could feel just a bit normal but the shakes lasted longer but at least my head was not as drunk as i had been
i honestly believed i would never get sober again because i had drank so much

i wished i was the oppersite i wish i could drink and not get drunk then i wouldnt end up in such trouble as i did
but for me it wasnt to be if i got drunk then there was no way of knowing what i would wake up to the next day or if i would be in a police cell or if it would of been an ok night

it amazes me how people can drink and not get drunk ?

biminiblue

But, desy, weren't you a long-term alcoholic? My understanding is that long-term alcoholism can create reverse tolerance - so the tiniest amount causes intoxication.

Tall Dawg

I agree with SoberJennie. I don't think any of us really want to have 1-2 drinks and then stop. We drink to get drunk; otherwise we wouldn't be here.

lightshadow

But - what if - getting drunk isn't even that bad? Drinking to get drunk in and of itself does not make you an alcoholic - else most of the world's population would fall under that umbrella.

What I'd like in an ideal world is to be able to get drunk and then put it down and not have to drink the next day. And the next. Or even the next week.

Not there yet.

Is anybody? Is it possible?


Like - - - I used to smoke a pack of cigarettes every day. And then I quit COMPLETELY for six years. But then I smoked a few, and I said, HEY, I am still in control of this - this is something I enjoy, and can do in moderation. I can now go to a party once a month or so, smoke a few cigarettes, and not have any desire to smoke more the next day. I want that relationship with alcohol.

Soberpotamus

This is the way I drank for about 13 years. I was a binge drinker, problem drinker, alcohol dependent, alcoholic... all of the above. I could go days, even weeks, months, and up to a year without drinking. I once stopped for a year. I picked right back up where I left off.

I know without a shadow of a doubt if I pick up another drink it is a very, very bad thing for me.

biminiblue

lightshadow, this is a recovery forum. You're not going to find people here who are trying to learn how to drink moderately.

There are forums for that, I think SoberJennie mentioned one in her first post.

If you don't think you have a problem, why do other people in your life say you do? Just asking, obviously I take you at your word - but why are you trying to cut back if you yourself don't believe you have a problem?

lightshadow

I have a problem.

My problem is that I drink too much. It's effecting my health and more importantly my relationship with my beautiful girlfriend who I live with, and who is concerned about me.

I'm doing this for her.

I'm not trying to belittle or attack you guys. I am genuinely asking for support.

My girlfriend hasn't asked me to quit forever - or really to quit at all - she knows it has to come from me. But I can see her gradually become more and more frustrated and disappointmented in me every day I bring home that case of beer. It's the look in her eyes I want to avoid more than anything else.

stark6935

Yeah, I wish I could just drink a few days a year too. Guess theres a reason I'm here, and I know I can't do it though. Go look at some of the other posts where people are talking about how they are having withdrawals so bad they have to go to the ER. I/you don't want to be one of them.

desypete

exactly the point i was making after so many years i ended up in a state were just one drink would make me drunk
like i said up there ^^ a few posts ago it took me 4 days to clear my head from a totaly drunk state 4 days i would try to get up to go to the toilet and end up falling over as i had no balance

i was scared back then as i honetly believed i had gone to far with drinking they talk about the wet brain were it can not dry out i thought i was there hence when i did get some sense back i made it to aa still with the shakes i had but at least i could walk

biminiblue

Well, they say a good test is to try staying sober for an extended period, say three months. See how it goes. See how difficult it is.

If you are creating problems in your relationship, it's a problem - you know?

Fly N Buy

Respectfully, no. We just think this - "normal" drinkers do not drink to get drunk. Do they get drunk, sometimes.

Once a heavy / regular drinker crosses the invisible line into alcoholism, there is no return to normalcy. Why? No idea.......Many have tried to figure this out for a very long time.

Here's some food for thought - Maybe you are not an alcoholic>?? Maybe, you're a heavy drinker with a problem.......THAT is the perilous question only you may answer. No one can define you......you're unique! Me, I am a run of the mill drunk

That said - for real alcoholics, there a few around here probably.....This is the plain, simple truth:

Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.


It is very natural to ask these questions - maybe go to some AA meetings. They can help you with these.....

peace
fly

LBrain

It is very rare that someone who was as you describe able to return to "normal" drinking.

It comes down to whether or not you have enough confidence in yourself as a person to exist without alcohol. I know people who never drank. Why is that? Surely their life wasn't all peaches and cream. Getting over the fact that we use alcohol for whatever our reasons may be is the ticket. I can still dance and have fun without drinking. I enjoy myself just as much. I also discovered I like myself more.
Trying to justify a reason to drink indicates to me that drinking really isn't fun anymore.