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First AA Meeting in Awhile

Old 11-06-2014, 10:13 AM
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First AA Meeting in Awhile

I finally went to an AA meeting again in over a year.. maybe even two years. I didn't like AA in the past because I was frightened by the members. There were times when I wanted to run out of there. It also didn't help that there was one particular member who fell off the wagon and somehow I would keep running into. He wasn't very nice and would yell obscenities at me.

Anyway, I decided to give it another shot and this meeting I found was wonderful. Everyone was super nice and welcoming. Lots of women were present too which I liked a lot. In fact one of them approached me and explained that she has been isolating a lot lately and needs to get out of her apt and would love to have coffee with me sometime or just chat if I liked. I felt so good when I walked in and when I left. I am so glad I gave AA another chance.

Through this experience I think I was able to figure out one of the reasons/triggers I have for drinking. I am so incredibly lonely. I have no friends or family and I desperately crave companionship. So, alcohol became my substitution for the championship I craved.

The sad part of the evening was after the meeting, I had stopped at a liquor store to purchase some cigarettes and an elderly lady approached me asking me to buy "2-11's" for her and her partner. She explained that she was going into detox that the next morning at 6am and that this would be their last hurrah together. The poor thing had scratches all over her face and didn't appear to be doing too well. I told her that I appreciated her honesty but that I couldn't give her cash or booze, but I would be more than happy to buy her a snack or drink. The lady declined and was unable to tell me where she was going for detox so I am not all that sure she was being completely honest with me either.

When I told her I came from an AA meeting and that there were a lot of kind people there that would love to help out a fellow alcoholic, she immediately shut down and said her thanks and moved on to the next car. I knew she wasn't going to want to meet those kind folks as she clearly has no desire to give up booze but I had to offer.

The weird part was that I felt guilty not buying her the beer (Im assuming thats what a "2-11" is) asking myself, what if she goes into DT's? Than I thought, you are being an enabler and a codependent and you sure as hell better not buy an alcoholic more alcohol. I mean could you imagine? I leave an AA meeting and then turn around and buy alcohol for someone who is going into detox the next morning?

Still feel guilty though.. like I could have done more to help her.
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