Calmwater

Just really fed up. AH husband and I are supposed to be no contact until next week. He was supposed to be working on his program for a couple weeks and leaving the boys and I alone. Yesterday he starts by calling my oldest and wanting to hang out. DS1 says that he can't as we have company and he's busy. Later in the day, he calls him again to get my phone # which he says he no longer has, and also calls our house, where he's told I'm not home. I wasn't, DSs 2 &3 had dental appts. DS1 asks me to please call AH so he leaves him alone. I sent a quick text saying I couldn't talk. AH responds by saying he doesn't want to talk, just wants to see kids Friday or Saturday.

This is so typical! No respect for boundaries, and wanting us to drop everything to cater to his needs. I obviously don't want them driving around with him, and we are busy, so I'm just going to send a reply saying that we already had plans. I'm still waiting on legal aide for a lawyer consult, so I'm trying to keep this civil. I have a list of places that do a free consult, so I guess I'm going to be calling them on my lunch break.

Why can't he just leave us alone for a little while? When he didn't call last week we all relaxed a little. I know he's an addict, and I know they are selfish b£|€~s. But it's so tiring, and I hate that the kids get so upset by him. DS3 was sitting in here last night upset because the computer was acting funny. He was terrified that it had a virus, so worried that someone was going to be really mad at him. No one would have been, but he says things keep building up in his chest, and it hurts so badly. He says he's worried that his dad won't get help, worried about everything.... That starts again the day AH calls.

I'm just so tired of this. But it's that time and I have to get to work. Onward and upward I guess. Hope everyone has a nice day.

djlook

Keep on keeping on. It'll get better. Thank you and I hope you have a nice day also. You reminded me to never give up.

atalose

Have you looked into counseling for your kids? I know they internalize a lot, blame themselves deep down for parents issues and no matter how many times we tell them it's not their fault, they still self blame.

Him being so upset about being blamed for the computer issue, may be a red flag for some deeper blame he's carrying without even knowing it.

We try to be civil, we try to be nice believing it will make things better but often our niceness gets used against us.

You are correct when you say addicts no know boundaries so it's up to you to enforce them. You may need to block your husband from calling your son right now.

Calmwater

Thanks djlooks, I really appreciate the kind words! I hope it gets better soon, for all of us.

I have got the boys going to a counselor atalose, I worry about him too. I feel like maybe AH wouldn't be where he is if he had gotten some help when he was younger. It's so very sad.

I'm not very good at being mean, but I know you're right. I need to get tougher. AH can't get ahold of my youngest, but he calls DS1, he's 18, so I allow him to make his own choices. It doesn't seem to get to him as badly as his younger siblings, very different personalities.

Thank you both.

hopeful4

NO is a complete sentence. He needs to be focusing on his own recovery right now, and your and your children yours, separately.

XXXX