Rachinator

My husband is off work due to illness and so he drinks all day. It sounds insane but he isn't to the point to recognize his problem. Anyway I get home after work he's half in the bag, i'm trying to get supper, homework, take care of my daughter. And the smell, the go get me a beer, a stocked fridge of beer always in the house. The triggers are just overwhelming me. I can't even open my own refrigerator now without having that voice tell me, have 3 then you can get to your husbands mind level/logic. For the first 37 days was easy. Now the av people talk about is rearing it's ugly head. I try to talk to my husband, and he says I don't have a problem I've just manufactured it. And even if I did have a problem, it is not his to deal with. I'm sick of having no support at home. I just can't wait until he gets cleared so he can go back to work. Hopefully then I don't have to come home to a drunk as much (he works a rotating schedule). I'm glad I can come here and vent.

Dee74

Hi Rach

why not post more here? or think about AA or something in your areas?

If you're surrounded by drinkers, even the score with some quality sober friends

D

Rachinator

I've been so busy tending to my husband's surgery and his recovery it's been hard to log on. I know I should post more, but I've been so busy taking care of everyone else than taking care of #1. I can't go to aa meetings because again i'm taking care of my daughter, working full time, and all the hr paperwork for my husband. The only bright side is that I've started to donate plasma for extra money and I get 1 hour twice a week to marinate and squeeze a ball. Yes I know gotta take care of #1.

chicory

Hi Rachinator.

I am sorry. It totally sucks to have someone drinking away around you...knowing you cannot change it, and they don't care that it hurts others. Don't forget that as much as you talk to your husband about it, he may not acknowledge the plain truth, and that can make you frustrated. take good care of yourself..thats the only person you can fix. and that is your job now-to recover.. people do that successfully, in the face of all sorts of situations. Yours is tough, we know and we care, but you can do it!

I deal with this, with my adult son. He lives with me, and it is not so terrible, until he gets money to drink...then I may come home some days, and he is slurring, indignant attitude, defensive, and so on. I am not a drinker, but I know how you feel, because I find sometimes thinking how I wish I was oblivious to it all, numb.

Sometimes the infamous AV comes to my door, and asks "Can I help you with anything today, ma'am?"For me, its when I am having my mental tantrum/pity party, when I am feeling most sorry for myself, most miserable. I know what alcohol does to people and those who love them.

I am grateful that I do not have the addiction to it, for it would be that temptation, but no matter how miserable I might be... life is better, I feel better, and there is hope for me, without alcohol.

My fight is against my addiction-to my son's addiction. I need Al-Anon, in the worst way... maybe it would help you too.

Be strong, we are in this together. Stay sober, for there is where hope and peace and joy will find you, somehow , someway. you are worth it.

Ruby2

Oh, Rach, I'm sorry you are going through this. Vent away.

My husband is also an alcoholic and it was really hard for me in early sobriety. I was taking care of the kids and house and working full time too. Hang in there. It can be done. Maybe try going to the family and friends forum on here for some additional support. There are a lot of us "double winners" on here - coping with our own sobriety and dealing with an addicted spouse. We understand.

Nowsthetime

Hey Rach! I'm glad you came here and vented. It always helps me. My real life support isn't great either so I really count on SR for that. I just keep reminding myself of why I took this decision, keep my eye on the price. Drinking those 3 beers will not put you on his level and it will just make you feel crappy after. This will pass. Stay close to us. You are strong and have come so far. I really admire you for all you have accomplished having an alcoholic in your own home. Remember: this is all about you and you are the boss of your life!

Dee74

yeah I really believe you need to maintain your recovery like an engine or a car...if you're always putting others needs first, I'm not surprised you've been tempted.

Can you set aside a little 'you time' very day?

D

JT0626

I'm in the same boat. My husband has an alcohol problem but doesn't acknowledge it. It's hard sitting at home in the evenings watching him drink and knowing that it will be a matter of time & he will then pass out on the couch. It gets lonely since I have no one to talk to. It also makes me want to drink so that at least I am on the same "wavelength" as him.

But, I am choosing not to drink & choosing me.

Low

You and your sobriety are worth an hour a day to get to a meeting. We always found time the time to drink, make time for a meeting. Venting is nice, but it won't keep you sober.

FreeOwl

Bring your daughter to the meeting with you. It happens frequently and people will understand.

You need support and you need a break.

An hour a day in an AA meeting will do you wonders.

SoberLeigh

I'm sorry, Rach; I can't imagine what it must be like to be working towards sobriety while your husband is drinking to excess. It sounds like you are really strapped for time. Maybe just a few minutes a day in Friends & Family would be helpful. Once your time frees up a little, an Alanon meeting might be very helpful.

At the end of the day, are you able to escape to a warm, soothing bath and get 'lost' in a book - 'grocery store' novels - something easy and not too deep.

By the way, thanks for being a plasma donor.

Soberwolf

Hope it all works out Rachinator

Rachinator

I really don't have too much time for myself. At work i may have some time to be on. But on the not so bright side. I'm seeing the results of drinking away years through my husband. Most of his health issues are caused by his chewing tabacco and drinking. I think that I can get me time in a few weeks when I go hunting.

Dee74

I think you really need to look at your life and make it a daily thing Rach.
Delegate more perhaps?

That kind of daily unrelenting stress, plus the temptation, doesn't often end well.

D

least

I hope you can find the peace of sobriety, despite your circumstances.