Ask for help and you just might get it...in one form or another
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 224
Ask for help and you just might get it...in one form or another
So I had a moment of grace the other day and I wanted to share it with you all. The same day I last posted a thread, I was so very down and sad. Many of my SR friends rallied to my aid and I greatly appreciate it. The same day, my landlord stopped by to repair my washing machine. He asked me how my ex A was doing, since he also rents from my landlord. After a few exchanges, we started to really talk.
My landlord has been sober for six years. His ex wife also was raised by alcoholics and is codependent. We began comparing stories and we realized that we are were both on the other side of the same issue. His wife is still very angry and hurtful and has no idea that she also needs help...just like my ex A. So we talked and shared our experiences and comforted each other by validating our efforts at recovery while accepting the wrongs that we committed. Since he is so familiar with my ex, he was able to talk to me in a way that I don't think anyone else could right now- through his own hurt and growing, he really understood my grief while also working through his own. It was like we were able to have the closest thing to closure with our partners that is possible.
He realized that not all of the issues that surrounds his divorce were solely his fault. Even though he has been sober six years now and shares the daily responsibilities for two children they adopted and one that he is fostering, she only seems willing to remind him of his past drinking and that he was a louse. But is sounds like she also engaged in some pretty bad behavior even though she didn't drink. He realized he couldn't get sober while living with her because of her blindness to her own issues. He still loves her dearly and would love to make it work now that he is well, but realizes she has to recover before that can happen. I told him what four months of my own work has shown me he seemed so relieved.
At one point, he pointed out my front door and at my ex's side door and said, "you are sitting around in a pity party hoping that he will walk out that door, come over here and tell you that he regrets everything...but he is not going to do that. He is a great guy but until he realizes he has a problem, there is nothing you can do about it." Now, I know everyone has said this, but coming from someone so close to him that is in recovery for the same issue, whose relationship went about the same way as mine, it was very comforting in a strange accepting way. He also encouraged me to attend more AlAnon meetings.
I saw him again today and he thanked me for being so honest about my own actions and issues. He expressed how broken hearted he is over his ex wife but seemed a little at peace...
My point is that I reached out here and I received so much love and support. But by asking for help, it came in different forms as well. You never know when you might be inspired or find peace if you just try. I am no where near the end of this rocky road, but I have taken a really good step forward. As a codependent, I think it is hard for us to always reach out in a way that can really bring help. Perhaps I am learning a thing or two after all...lol. I hope and wish that you all take big steps forward in your healing today as well. Big hugs to my SR family.
My landlord has been sober for six years. His ex wife also was raised by alcoholics and is codependent. We began comparing stories and we realized that we are were both on the other side of the same issue. His wife is still very angry and hurtful and has no idea that she also needs help...just like my ex A. So we talked and shared our experiences and comforted each other by validating our efforts at recovery while accepting the wrongs that we committed. Since he is so familiar with my ex, he was able to talk to me in a way that I don't think anyone else could right now- through his own hurt and growing, he really understood my grief while also working through his own. It was like we were able to have the closest thing to closure with our partners that is possible.
He realized that not all of the issues that surrounds his divorce were solely his fault. Even though he has been sober six years now and shares the daily responsibilities for two children they adopted and one that he is fostering, she only seems willing to remind him of his past drinking and that he was a louse. But is sounds like she also engaged in some pretty bad behavior even though she didn't drink. He realized he couldn't get sober while living with her because of her blindness to her own issues. He still loves her dearly and would love to make it work now that he is well, but realizes she has to recover before that can happen. I told him what four months of my own work has shown me he seemed so relieved.
At one point, he pointed out my front door and at my ex's side door and said, "you are sitting around in a pity party hoping that he will walk out that door, come over here and tell you that he regrets everything...but he is not going to do that. He is a great guy but until he realizes he has a problem, there is nothing you can do about it." Now, I know everyone has said this, but coming from someone so close to him that is in recovery for the same issue, whose relationship went about the same way as mine, it was very comforting in a strange accepting way. He also encouraged me to attend more AlAnon meetings.
I saw him again today and he thanked me for being so honest about my own actions and issues. He expressed how broken hearted he is over his ex wife but seemed a little at peace...
My point is that I reached out here and I received so much love and support. But by asking for help, it came in different forms as well. You never know when you might be inspired or find peace if you just try. I am no where near the end of this rocky road, but I have taken a really good step forward. As a codependent, I think it is hard for us to always reach out in a way that can really bring help. Perhaps I am learning a thing or two after all...lol. I hope and wish that you all take big steps forward in your healing today as well. Big hugs to my SR family.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
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What a great experience!
I love these serendipitous types of encounters. It was a similar type of conversation that my RAH had with a friend-of-a-friend that led him to admit his addiction & seek help with AA. You just never know when or what form true help will arrive in, do you?
I love these serendipitous types of encounters. It was a similar type of conversation that my RAH had with a friend-of-a-friend that led him to admit his addiction & seek help with AA. You just never know when or what form true help will arrive in, do you?
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