How Do you deal?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 63
How Do you deal?
Coming home after a long commute is always a trigger for me. Regular things such as getting kids in the house, making dinner, doing homework, cleaning the house, all the things everyone in the world has to do. My problem is I'm usually starting at 8:00 at night. A few drinks and I was good to accomplish what I had to do. Since that is no longer an option any suggestions? My son does help but as you all know there is still a lot to do. Leaving work now.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
We all have lots of triggers. You are going to have to change how you look at everything.
I drank because it was 4PM, because it was Wednesday, because I had a good day, a bad day, I ran out of milk, I was lonely, tired, hungry. I drank because I am an alcoholic and that's what I do, you know?
So, now there is no reason in the world that can make me drink. It's the only way to break the habit.
I drank because it was 4PM, because it was Wednesday, because I had a good day, a bad day, I ran out of milk, I was lonely, tired, hungry. I drank because I am an alcoholic and that's what I do, you know?
So, now there is no reason in the world that can make me drink. It's the only way to break the habit.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
I have learned to prioritize things. And to think positively so I don't feel overwhelmed. Ask my husband for help with some things. Communicate effectively with colleagues when I need to rearrange or postpone something. Meditation and tea! Also, some moderate exercise to keep my moods stable and to sleep well. I keep a meditational type book on my desk at all times. And I go outside at least once per day to try and get sun, with the dogs and cats.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
I have no advice, but I can definitely commiserate. I got home from work at 4, and my kids got off the bus at 4:15. It's almost 7 pm and somehow the homework is done, dinner has been made, eaten, and cleaned up, kids have showered, and my husband isn't home yet. Oh, did I mention that I am about to jump out of my skin? The 5 hours after work are more stressful than a week of being at work, that's for sure. I will not drink tonight. That's all I know. 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,947
For weeks I have done nothing but get high. Now that I'm clean I don't want to do anything. Well that's what I've been doing anyway except for the work and lying and covering up. So I'm being easy on myself and letting myself be lazy and do nothing on this 4th day clean.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Ojai, CA
Posts: 137
i am a huge believer that one has to really change things up. If I just stopped drinking, but kept everything else the same, there would be no way I could have stopped. Or maybe I would have stopped, but I would have to battle the cravings and white knuckle it....that is not sobriety, true sobriety is freedom from the compulsion to drink, the obsession is literally lifted. Doesn't mean complacency however. Find a meeting that you can go to on your way home from work, or a class or anything that is a commitment...if it means getting a babysitter, changing dinner times, etc. doesn't matter...one has to change pretty much everything. Action is the key, not just putting the plug in the jug.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
I agree with Low on this one. I had to completely change up my schedule because the time you describe was the same for me. Huge trigger time. I literally, for the first few months, could not think of anything else I could be doing but drinking once I got home from work.
I am in AA so I made sure I got myself to meetings during those hours but I also went to yoga class or even forced myself to get together with a friend for coffee...even if coffee was the last thing in the world I wanted. Some nights I just went to the mall (and I hate the mall!) and walked around to distract myself. It was a combination of getting out of my head AND my body for the first few months. Once I got myself reprogrammed, which actually didn't take that long, I was more confident. Now on the nights I don't go to meetings or yoga class, I come home and hop on here and just read for awhile. This place is a lifesaver like that...
I also enlisted others to help with chores or did them during different times. Again, changing up the routine. Our alcoholic brains are truly reptilian so it doesn't take that long to establish a new groove, you just gotta stick with it
.
I am in AA so I made sure I got myself to meetings during those hours but I also went to yoga class or even forced myself to get together with a friend for coffee...even if coffee was the last thing in the world I wanted. Some nights I just went to the mall (and I hate the mall!) and walked around to distract myself. It was a combination of getting out of my head AND my body for the first few months. Once I got myself reprogrammed, which actually didn't take that long, I was more confident. Now on the nights I don't go to meetings or yoga class, I come home and hop on here and just read for awhile. This place is a lifesaver like that...
I also enlisted others to help with chores or did them during different times. Again, changing up the routine. Our alcoholic brains are truly reptilian so it doesn't take that long to establish a new groove, you just gotta stick with it
.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Originally Posted by Ms Marie 
A few drinks and I was good to accomplish what I had to do.
In these early days of recovery make things as easy on yourself as possible. Can you put dinner in a slow cooker in the mornings? Can you do some of the housework before work? In the early days these ideas might seem impossible but sobriety makes mornings a lot easier to deal with.
When you get home can the kids do ten minutes of solid chores? Ten minutes by two kids is twenty minutes less you have to do and they learn some responsibility.
Meals, clean clothes and a tidy up is about all you need to aim for in the earliest weeks. And make sure there is a treat for you in the evening but change your definition of a treat: a hot bath, seasonal fruit sliced in a tall glass of mineral water and ice, a cup of hot gourmet tea etc. One of my biggest treats in the first months was going to bed early with a good book.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
Originally Posted by Ms Marie
Coming home after a long commute is always a trigger for me. Regular things such as getting kids in the house, making dinner, doing homework, cleaning the house, all the things everyone in the world has to do. My problem is I'm usually starting at 8:00 at night. A few drinks and I was good to accomplish what I had to do. Since that is no longer an option any suggestions? My son does help but as you all know there is still a lot to do. Leaving work now.
I set the alarm on my cell phone for a daily "make the right choice" alert for 3 pm.
I'm leaving my debit/credit cards at home so as long as I don't have cash on hand, there is no way I can physically buy alcohol on the way home from work. Once home I change instantly into sweats/pajamas. Basically I am not above sabotaging my own urges to go out and get booze after work!
I make sure I have food and desserts for the evening if I'm home.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Marie,
How do I deal? Great question. I know that familiar feeling of getting home after a long day at work and our first thought (or obsession more like it!) is to drink. Gosh, I can relate to that feeling of actually doing chores after a few drinks. Folding laundry seemed fun after three or four drinks. Back to how do I deal.....
There are still moments where I pace the house. Have you seen the movie Pay it Forward starring Helen Hunt and Kevin Spacey? At the beginning they show Helen Hunt (alcoholic but the viewer doesn't know it yet) walk down the hall, into the kitchen, pause. She then walks into the garage, turns on the light, turns it off and returns to the kitchen. She stands with her hands on the counter staring into the drain. She is silent and acting like she has something worrying on her, just pacing around the house. Finally she begins searching for something. She looks in the washing machine and finally finds her vodka stash in the light fixture and drinks it like there's no tomorrow. That's kind of how I was the first few weeks minus the finding alcohol and drinking it. I would literally pace from room to room for maybe 15 minutes a night like I couldn't sit still. Even thinking back to it makes me antsy. I wish I would have had better coping skills. I lie down for 30 minutes when I get home from work to "center" myself you could say. Sometimes I even fall asleep! Ice cream and candy was like my nicotine patch for cravings. I swear to you that after a king size Nestle Crunch and Kit Kat, my cravings were 85% gone.
Wow, sorry for that long example from the movie! I should delete it but I guess I'll just leave it. Anyways, as I would pace around I knew that I wouldn't pace all night and I'd eventually calm down. I had to remind myself, literally: I won't die if I don't drink tonight. I had to take it minute by minute. One minute I'd have my car keys in my hand then I'd put them back.
Wow, I think I'm typing a whole lot of nothing here. Let me get to the point. There will be some unease in the evenings especially but you've got to distract yourself. I logged in her (and still do) probably three hours a day, split up into little bits. It is a way to fill the time that I used to spend drinking. I think the intensity of a craving does dissipate too so take it hour by hour or even minute by minute. It does get easier with each day.
How do I deal? Great question. I know that familiar feeling of getting home after a long day at work and our first thought (or obsession more like it!) is to drink. Gosh, I can relate to that feeling of actually doing chores after a few drinks. Folding laundry seemed fun after three or four drinks. Back to how do I deal.....
There are still moments where I pace the house. Have you seen the movie Pay it Forward starring Helen Hunt and Kevin Spacey? At the beginning they show Helen Hunt (alcoholic but the viewer doesn't know it yet) walk down the hall, into the kitchen, pause. She then walks into the garage, turns on the light, turns it off and returns to the kitchen. She stands with her hands on the counter staring into the drain. She is silent and acting like she has something worrying on her, just pacing around the house. Finally she begins searching for something. She looks in the washing machine and finally finds her vodka stash in the light fixture and drinks it like there's no tomorrow. That's kind of how I was the first few weeks minus the finding alcohol and drinking it. I would literally pace from room to room for maybe 15 minutes a night like I couldn't sit still. Even thinking back to it makes me antsy. I wish I would have had better coping skills. I lie down for 30 minutes when I get home from work to "center" myself you could say. Sometimes I even fall asleep! Ice cream and candy was like my nicotine patch for cravings. I swear to you that after a king size Nestle Crunch and Kit Kat, my cravings were 85% gone.
Wow, sorry for that long example from the movie! I should delete it but I guess I'll just leave it. Anyways, as I would pace around I knew that I wouldn't pace all night and I'd eventually calm down. I had to remind myself, literally: I won't die if I don't drink tonight. I had to take it minute by minute. One minute I'd have my car keys in my hand then I'd put them back.
Wow, I think I'm typing a whole lot of nothing here. Let me get to the point. There will be some unease in the evenings especially but you've got to distract yourself. I logged in her (and still do) probably three hours a day, split up into little bits. It is a way to fill the time that I used to spend drinking. I think the intensity of a craving does dissipate too so take it hour by hour or even minute by minute. It does get easier with each day.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
Oh man, I can TOTALLY relate. I work full time, pick up the kid, get home around 6pm and have to get everything unpacked and my kid situated, dinner cooked, dishes washed, lunches packed, whatever other random things, plus chase the mess around the house. Between my three year old and my bulimic cat, the place is always thrashed, which makes me feel like a domestic failure. My husband doesn't get home until around 8pm and doesn't help with anything except eating the dinner I cook him (does that count as cleaning a dish? No) and reading bedtime stories. It is completely overwhelming! I used to drink every night during this time. I thought it was the only way I could get through it.
Lately when I get home, the first thing I do is drink a bunch of juice. That takes care of the initial physical craving. Then I try to just focus on what I'm doing - mindfulness - I even sometimes narrate out loud what I'm doing like I have my own cooking show. Looks crazy, but whatever works, right? I remind myself over and over that yeah this sucks, and drinking might help me feel better for a little while, but the situation would be worse overall if I were drinking. I have to have faith in that and let go of the many arguments against it.
I can't say I've got this figured out, not even close, but I feel like I'm making some progress with employing these strategies. It's so very hard, and no matter how well we handle it, it's never going to be easy. Hang in there, I am told having kids (and being sober) is worth it in the long run
Lately when I get home, the first thing I do is drink a bunch of juice. That takes care of the initial physical craving. Then I try to just focus on what I'm doing - mindfulness - I even sometimes narrate out loud what I'm doing like I have my own cooking show. Looks crazy, but whatever works, right? I remind myself over and over that yeah this sucks, and drinking might help me feel better for a little while, but the situation would be worse overall if I were drinking. I have to have faith in that and let go of the many arguments against it.
I can't say I've got this figured out, not even close, but I feel like I'm making some progress with employing these strategies. It's so very hard, and no matter how well we handle it, it's never going to be easy. Hang in there, I am told having kids (and being sober) is worth it in the long run
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Ojai, CA
Posts: 137
"It's so very hard, and no matter how well we handle it, it's never going to be easy."
I wanted to respectfully disagree & encourage you at the same time. Please know that yes, there does come a time when it is easy and a joy. If it was always hard and never easy, who would stay sober? I don't mean consistently of course, life is life so there will always be the ups and down, but if one works some sort of recovery program, and broadens their life experiences and creativity in sobriety, it is an amazing enlightening journey, life becomes interesting and worthwhile....god forbid if it was a constant struggle and never easy....Please have faith in this, I do know of which I speak. Take care.
I wanted to respectfully disagree & encourage you at the same time. Please know that yes, there does come a time when it is easy and a joy. If it was always hard and never easy, who would stay sober? I don't mean consistently of course, life is life so there will always be the ups and down, but if one works some sort of recovery program, and broadens their life experiences and creativity in sobriety, it is an amazing enlightening journey, life becomes interesting and worthwhile....god forbid if it was a constant struggle and never easy....Please have faith in this, I do know of which I speak. Take care.
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