It's my time.... Round 2
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 164
It's my time.... Round 2
Hey everyone. I've been gone for awhile. I gradually slipped back into my drinking habits-- first I had a few 'sips,' and I did have a few successful nights of moderation. But of course, those didn't last. It went to full blown binges & blackouts. Now I'm back to day 2. It is going to take every fiber of strength in my body to get through today without drinking.
I had been working up the courage to quit again. And I was just about to do it when my mom suddenly died
I am a complete wreck. And I've gone on more than a few binges recently. But I don't want to take my grief or pain or anxiety out on alcohol anymore.
I'm scared I might not have it in me. And a huge part of me just wants to crack open a glass of white wine right now. But that's false desire. I'm trying to build up my resolve and recognize how much my drinking is affecting my life, my relationships, my ability to function and grieve.
So in loving memory of my mom, who lived most of her life sober, I am going to need to quit drinking. (Again.)
I had been working up the courage to quit again. And I was just about to do it when my mom suddenly died
I am a complete wreck. And I've gone on more than a few binges recently. But I don't want to take my grief or pain or anxiety out on alcohol anymore.
I'm scared I might not have it in me. And a huge part of me just wants to crack open a glass of white wine right now. But that's false desire. I'm trying to build up my resolve and recognize how much my drinking is affecting my life, my relationships, my ability to function and grieve.
So in loving memory of my mom, who lived most of her life sober, I am going to need to quit drinking. (Again.)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
Clementina, I am so sorry to hear about your mother; I hope that you have found some comfort from your family and friends.
Sorry, too, to hear that you went back to drinking; glad that you are back.
Sorry, too, to hear that you went back to drinking; glad that you are back.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Sorry to hear about your mother. I think you are making the right decision. I found, only in retrospect that alcohol had highjacked my emotional system and all my feelings were coming to me through my addiction. I thought I was (high) functioning- I now know this wasn't the case.
The short term difficulties are far outweighed by the longer term benefits. Hang in there.
The short term difficulties are far outweighed by the longer term benefits. Hang in there.
Living Sober
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 555
Hey Clementina, my sincere condolences. I know when I was losing my mother to cancer, I was pretty deep into the alcohol which I used as a crutch.
I hope that you are able to find both the strength and support that you need to help you move forward with your goals.
That's what this place is all about- strength in numbers, and lots of support.
May your mother rest in peace.
Lusher
I hope that you are able to find both the strength and support that you need to help you move forward with your goals.
I'm scared I might not have it in me.
May your mother rest in peace.
Lusher
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Clementina, I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. My dad died unexpectedly this summer -- I know something about how you feel.
Good that you're seeking support on SR and have recommitted to sobriety. In the long run, it will help you during this sorrowful time. Be kind to yourself and take good care.
Good that you're seeking support on SR and have recommitted to sobriety. In the long run, it will help you during this sorrowful time. Be kind to yourself and take good care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Earth
Posts: 164
Hey all, thank you so much for your condolences and support. It means a lot to me.
So that wasn't quite it. I relapsed for a few days after posting the original. But now I'm on Day 8 and finally into the sobriety groove. I feel good. I had been getting drunk and crying almost every day and it needed to stop. I was finding that alcohol helped me to cry, which I guess I have some trouble with when I'm sober. But that was a short circuit to my real grieving process. And alcohol helped me cry just a little too well sometimes...
Moving forward. Processing the unthinkable with a sober mind.
So that wasn't quite it. I relapsed for a few days after posting the original. But now I'm on Day 8 and finally into the sobriety groove. I feel good. I had been getting drunk and crying almost every day and it needed to stop. I was finding that alcohol helped me to cry, which I guess I have some trouble with when I'm sober. But that was a short circuit to my real grieving process. And alcohol helped me cry just a little too well sometimes...
Moving forward. Processing the unthinkable with a sober mind.
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