Nowsthetime

I know the answer to my own posts but I have to put it here. Can't let it fester. Went out to a restaurant with two friends. We had a great dinner no problem. After we went to a bar, I didn't order anything. My friend asked me if I will drink again. I came up with some response like "maybe once my daughter is bigger". I know that's not true. I will not drink again. Then she borrowed my phone to use Internet and soberrecovery was the first thing that popped up. No biggie... They order designer drinks, real foodie type stuff (we really get into it) so I smelled the drinks and wet my lips and commented on the flavor. I really didn't feel like drinking and I didn't want them to feel like I'm totally out of the gang. After it, I felt stronger than ever in my sobriety. I have to put it here because I need to be accountable and for some reason this makes me feel better.

I am ashamed to post this here (the fact that I wet my lips with it) but I have to be honest. I don't want to be a total outsider... I know I can handle it. I know l'll never drink again.

Was what I did wrong?

Soberwolf

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...alcoholic.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ill-going.html


I think you have no support and even though you have said your Alcoholic your saying you can handle it

remember what brought you here i think you need us now more than ever

Nowsthetime

This is why I posted!!! Thanks Wolfy. My real life support it kind of bad. I'm learning I can't do it alone and I will not mess this up!

Soberwolf

I had a read and i nearly cried at your lack of support

husband etc

i was like now is really trying and its been hard from what i read. if i can help in any way let me know ok your not alone ok im always around stick close the rest of SR will be here soon to back this fact up

really glad you posted nows

JT0626

Even though you didn't drink & simply wet your lips with the alcohol, you played with fire. I am proud of you for not succumbing to the alcohol, that took some serious strength on your part. You rock for that.

Keep strong, you are doing great!

JanieJ

Yep, me too. I'm usually here, stay close, Nowsthetime.

I wish you had more day to day support, sounds dangerous to hang around in bars with drinking friends.

I also have friends who offer me drinks, and tell me I don't have a problem.

I think it's hard on us, and also on friends, when we change. Everyone has re-adjusting to do.

You must protect your sobriety at all costs.

Stay strong.

CAPTAINZING2000

Would insist on you having a drink if you are drinking a soda etc.

Nowsthetime

I haven t mentioned that I have found some face to face support. The guy that sells food outside my office building has been sober for over 4 years. I always talk to him about it. It makes me feel a little less alone... He told me to avoid these situations, being at a bar... It's nice to have him but SR is still better!!!

Anna

If that worked for you and you are comfortable in bars, then that's fine. I could never have done that, would have been resentful and triggered.

Nowsthetime

I did feel strong and committed and a felt really proud when I got home. The whole scene reminded me of why I stopped. I will not try to convince others that I am an alcoholic. That's up to me to decide. I will have 8 months in a couple of weeks and I refuse to lose that.

doggonecarl

If you don't plan on ever drinking again, then you lied to your friend and in the process cracked the door open for the addictive voice to start working on you. "MAYBE when your girl is bigger, you can drink," it will say. "Only on special occasions," it will promise. The AV is insidious. Be careful.

Ellay

You sound just as stubborn as me way to go, and I can't wait to congratulate you on 8 months.

Nowsthetime

Yes. Coming up with my daughter's excuse was crap but I didn't want to go into to the whole conversation with them I just needed them off my back. I know I have to come to terms with letting them know that this is for real and forever but I just haven't found the way to do it yet. Add that to the list... Hearing all this feels amazing! Again, you guys have no clue of how much all your responses mean to me. I am so grateful to have you guys!

You would think that people in my real life would be more supportive, but as SoberWolf mentioned, my real life support SUCKS! On a side note: at least my dadinlaw hasn't been asking me to drink or "where's my drinking buddy?"...

Dee74

Hi nowisthetime

I tried really hard to keep my life as it was - no changes but for not drinking.
I said I wasn't drinking for 'a while'. I felt good with the decision not to drink.

I wet my lips a time or three too. The next time I ordered a drink to look good and feel part of things - I still felt good sober...and let it sit there.

The next time, or maybe the time after that, I drank the drink.
I put my friends welfare ahead of my own.

I have to wonder in your case would they do the same for you?

I really think if you want change, you'll need to make changes.
Your real friends - true friends - will support that, nowisthetime.

D

DoubleFelix

I don't think what you did was wrong but it does seem dangerous - "playing with fire" as a lot of people say here.

bigsombrero

I know what you mean about saying "eh, maybe someday" when people badger you.

But, you can flip that around. Instead of answering that question, you can say something like this:

"I quit drinking for health reasons, and to be honest I've been feeling so fantastic after stopping, that I don't plan on drinking again".

Instead of telling them when and why you WILL drink again, you're telling them why you WON'T. You can point to how much weight you've lost, or how much more energy you have. Just emphasize that sobriety is a GOOD FIT for you.

And no. Don't taste the "foodie drinks" - what would you say if a guy went out and "sampled the microbrews"?

I have to say it: stop going to bars. For a while. Like a year or two. You're not going to get anywhere doing this right now. I know it might feel like social hell if you're staying home, but alcoholics and bars just don't mix. I myself can't think of a worse place to try and fight this battle than a barstool. You can do this! Just give yourself a chance! It's clear sobriety is the right decision, stick around and keep asking questions, lots of us have been there!

MelindaFlowers

Why the need to taste it?

endlesspatience

Have you read that AA booklet Living Sober? I'm just re-reading it and really studying it this time. There's lots of useful stuff in there. And a whole very well-written section about how to handle situations where drinks are served.

I should remind you, though, that it doesn't say sniff the cocktails and take them to your lips but don't swallow!

tnman1967

Since about four months back I simply say, when asked, I don't have any interest in drinking alcohol. I don't offer any more details than that and most people respect it and moves on.

Nowsthetime

Yep. Now that I come back and read the whole thing I feel it was pretty lame to do since it just felt wrong in my heart. I immediately thought of posting. I have to just nip it in the butt. With my behavior I am leaving the door open to my friends to ask and for my AV to whistle at me. But it did ease their nerves in some way but really who cares about that. I care about me now...

My plan is post! No excuse. Post and get perspective. I don't feel bad about it anymore since I got if it for my chest. Now I will handle it better. Thanks follow r all of he tips guys.