Personal Inventory - My hairstylist

Old 11-05-2014, 08:44 AM
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Personal Inventory - My hairstylist

I got my hair done last night. My young stylist does a great job and is located close to my house. Her life is a cluster F and clearly alcohol is playing a big role in all the drama. I hear about the latest 8-9 times a year. Last night driving home I realized I was stressed out after the latest debacle and actively comparing my calmer life to hers. Oops.

I think the majority of her clients (including me) are carpet baggers hauling off her haphazard emotions. So now I'm wondering if I can contain this relationship better or just cut ties and switch to a calmer stylist. Anyone else struggling with the hair salon or stylist being a trigger point?

http://thehoopla.com.au/ahead-share-hair/

Last edited by CodeJob; 11-05-2014 at 08:49 AM. Reason: photo link
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Old 11-05-2014, 09:00 AM
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Not anymore. I decided to go gray and grow my hair out.

But I have un-chosen "personal service" people in the past because of their behavior. It wasn't so much that it triggered me, but if I pay a person for personal services, whatever it is, I'm not looking to be your psychologist or your friend. I don't want to hear the story of your life. I want you to do your job.

For me, it was a personal trainer that was worst -- also in a relationship with an alcoholic -- who kept pouring her heart out to me while she was supposed to be training me. I was like "WHY am I paying you for this????
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Old 11-05-2014, 09:03 AM
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I have a 'fun' therapist and she does my hair great and I love her to death. Thanks for the reminder that personal service people are very important...I think it is why I am really struggling with how to start yoga...I just don't want any more drama...anywhere. I can 'feel' sometimes and the over the top...emotional stuff is really hard.
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Old 11-05-2014, 09:12 AM
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All of my hairstylists since I was in elementary school have been drama queens. I loved my former one until he decided to quit styling and pursue research science. Ugh! I am happy with my current stylist, but I have to gear up for the appts.

My only issue like that is my yoga lady. She is nice but super bossy and always complaining about life, other yoga teachers, studios. It can be draining.
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Old 11-05-2014, 09:27 AM
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I "quit" a hairdresser once because I grew tired of her incessant rants and the way she heard what she wanted to hear. The final straw was when she misrepresented details of my job (despite that I had corrected her on several occasions!) to a third party. Once I stopped seeing her I realized how stressed I had become when I had an appointment. there are other stylists out there, and not all of them suck the life out of you.
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Old 11-05-2014, 09:30 AM
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I've changed professionals many times for this very reason. My current hairstylist I've been with for eight years. She doesn't talk about drama and she asks very few questions.

I've switched dental hygienists, accountants, servers in restaurants and friends for too much drama. Life is too short, man.

I had a receptionist in the dental office tell me that I had to listen to people vent because it was healthy for them. I told her, "It's not healthy for me," and I really don't think it's healthy for them to dwell on their problems. I don't think she got it. She was one of those drama women.
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Old 11-05-2014, 09:40 AM
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I had a massage therapist like this once - totally ruined the experience. Especially since she seemed to actively pursue & thrive on all the drama. It didn't start out that way but after a while she seemed to get over-comfortable sharing as though we were close friends.

I hung in there longer than I should have because at one time she was the absolute BEST but she didn't pick up on subtle hints that I wasn't interested & it just wasn't worth it in the long run. Hello - I'm trying to work OUT the knots & tension, not add more back!
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Old 11-05-2014, 10:59 AM
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Originally Posted by FireSprite View Post
I had a massage therapist like this once - totally ruined the experience.
OMG, FireSprite, I had a HORRIBLE massage therapist experience recently too! I have been seeing one particular therapist on and off for about a year and a half, and she is very calm, soothing and professional. We do chat a bit, but always about pleasant subjects. She was looking to add a partner, as her practice was growing out of control, and found someone she thought would be a good fit. I scheduled a massage w/the new gal, and I cannot imagine WHAT made my regular gal think THIS person was a good fit!

The new gal had contacted me about an hour before my appointment, wanting me to come in 45 minutes earlier than scheduled, as she "had something to do." Well, I don't mind being flexible, but on that short of notice, there is only so much I could do. I did manage to get there 15 minutes early. The therapist then spent that 15 minutes complaining to me about how unpleasant her last client had been and how unpleasant Groupon clients in general were. She told me specific things about the last client and referred to the client as "really bizarre."

After the massage when I was dressed again, she had what seemed to be a ton of trouble running my credit card through. While this was going on, in an attempt to make small talk, I asked about her dogs, since she'd mentioned she had some. This opened the door for another 15 minutes of her talking nonstop about her dogs, her husband, her son, and her problems with all of them. During this time, she finally finished the credit card transaction and then proceeded to pull the bag for used linens out of the hamper, strip the table, and wipe things down w/sanitizer wipes while still talking to me. She could easily have cleaned up after I left if she had noticed I was edging towards the stairs, trying to leave, but she didn't pick up on this.

I really wanted to get out of there at that point and said "well, I had better get going, b/c you do have another appointment you need to get to, right?" She said "oh, well, I don't really know what I'm doing after this." So did she just want to leave early, since it was a Sunday? I didn't appreciate being asked to change my plans just for her convenience.

What I learned from this? If I ever find myself in such a situation again, I am going to speak up promptly and cancel the appointment right then and there. Guess I'm not as good about being upfront and not "people pleasing" as I thought...
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Old 11-05-2014, 11:35 AM
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My stylist was the best, he came from the movie business and had done the hair of many stars. He was flamboyant, and a non-stop drama queen. I would fly 1000 miles to his shop every 5-6 weeks for entertainment…oh, and to get my hair done. Almost two years ago he had a facelift, I was in his shop a few days before and he was walking around saying “cynical, I’m going to be soooo pretty”. He was a couple years older than me, and was beautiful, I told him he didn’t need any work done and warned him about the dangers of surgery, much less voluntary surgery. The facelift went well so they say, the doctor sent him home the same day. The combination of the anesthesia and the pain meds put him into respiratory failure during the night. He never woke up.
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Old 11-05-2014, 12:03 PM
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I have changed Hair Stylist in the past for the reasons mentioned. Too draining.
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Old 11-05-2014, 12:17 PM
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I had a massage once and the chick tried to have me give her career counseling the entire time. It was not relaxing.
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Old 11-05-2014, 12:53 PM
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My hair stylists have always been very "interesting", except my latest one. Ironically, I find her to be a little "dull." However, I can afford to be bored for a few hours every couple of months, because she is good at hair. LOL My sister says that hair stylists, like many people and things in our lives, all have expiration dates.
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Old 11-05-2014, 04:08 PM
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Oh you are talking my industry lol…..I just left a salon last year where I was for 15 years. The stories…

If you have kept up with my story, I don't write threads often, I had to exit my stylist partner in August. The drama, drugs, drinking, lying, stealing, coupled with incessant bitching about his boyfriend and tales of sexual escapades that didn't make me blink because I have really and truly ……already heard it all.

I am unsure what it is about the occupation that draws this type of behavior and its very, very prevalent. Customers love it - they really do - its like a reality show for them. UNTIL, the drama becomes draining, morbid, or plain unhappy. No one wants to hear about your sh!t life every time they come in they want to hear gossip, exciting stories, and the like.

For that reason I have decided to try and go it alone in my studio and its going well. I don't want to deal with the drugs and alcoholism. It has nothing to do with RAH and my experiences with his relapse I am not anti alcohol nor am I bothered by recreational drug use. I am sick of addiction issues and the problems that come along with it and there is simply too freaking much of it in my industry.

There are those that don't have these issues they are few and far between.
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Old 11-05-2014, 06:01 PM
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I wish I could clone my stylist for you. When I see her every 6 weeks, it's like a therapy session with a lot of laughs mixed in. I actually look forward to our conversation as much as I do the color, cut, and style. No drama, just a nice getaway.

Dang, girl. You deserve to enjoy the experience. If she's a trigger point for you, you're right. Might be time for a switch.
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Old 11-05-2014, 06:19 PM
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Let me start with stating that I've been a big fan of experimenting with hair color (and sometimes styles) since my teens. When I was younger, for many years I did my own hair, so no need to deal with salons and stylists. Then I decided to go for more complex hair color schemes that I did not have the skills to do, so committed to going to salons. I always hated these kinds of appointments so much, but went because the experiments were fun (the result, sometimes, not always). But I never really liked my stylists' personality except one that I saw several years ago in another city, but she did a crappy job with color, and I am not paying for a nice personality. The ones I found in NY were OK with the hair, but just as annoying otherwise. Until I found my current stylist early this year - just after getting sober - I was looking for many new things to do, so new hairstyle with new stylist... And finally I managed to catch a true artist. She does magic with the color, everything she has ever done I loved, and there were a few versions. And she is very calm, quiet, focused on the work. We do chat usually a little - about hair dye chemistry, ideas she has, or traveling. And she is not a shark, tries to find me cheaper options for my usually expensive requests. I love her and am keeping her! Hope she won't decide to move to another city or something like that.

The people who like to talk a lot and play drama: I would usually stay pretty minimalistic in my responses, and then they stop after a while or tune it down, at least in my experience.
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Old 11-06-2014, 06:04 AM
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You are all so kind to respond! Cynical, how sad that your hair artist died from complications from a facelift! double Dragon, I like the idea of an expiration date on such a relationship.

RedAtlanta,,I knew you'd have some good insight here! Thanks for posting!

I've got another appointment set up just before Xmas, and I'm going to go in with my head more aware of the conversation and see if she just starts in right away or if the latest drama is an aberration. If it drains me again, I found the salon where my previous stylist is and she is really good. I had stopped going to her bc the salon was too loud and felt like a machine of strangers but she has moved since. My hair would be OK switching.

Haenni, I too play with hair color! I just went red last time and this time around a deep plum. She is a sassy thing and there is a point to realizing some of the personality is just an artist. She does help me express me with my cut and color. Hopefully me being more aware of her overly drama queening her life will help me let it pass through my ears or speak up to tone it down a tad.

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Old 11-06-2014, 10:36 AM
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Originally Posted by CodeJob View Post
Haenni, I too play with hair color! I just went red last time and this time around a deep plum.
Ha ha, me too. Red is my recovery color I had red highlights before, but not all over deep reds like this year. When I quit drinking early this year and I wanted a change, I decided on these reds with the new stylist. So since then it's been a few different shades and combinations of reds and my last one is also deep plum-ish, although with a tone that actually reminds me of blood as well (a bit like those falling leaves in my avatar pic). I'm just going to have it done again this Saturday, and I plan to have the same redone, unless she has a better idea (like last time)... but I'm sticking with the red/purplish variety, I really like it.

My attitude towards the drama would be that it's only a couple hours, and if it's worth the result (what we are paying for) to listen to it, so be it.

One reason why I like experimenting with the hair (and with other physical things) is that it's such a good way for me to pull me out of my head (my thoughts), where I'm so prone to get stuck.
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Old 11-06-2014, 11:48 AM
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Funny you mention hairdressers !! She fixed me up with my XABF! They are neighbors.

Her life is mess according to XABF, but she doesn't carry that into her conversations with me. She is a bit flaky. Hadn't noticed it before.

Conversations with her are disjointed.

She the best hairdresser I've ever had. I did my own hair, cut and highlight for 20 years. I'll hold on to her for now. Good HD are hard to find.
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Old 11-06-2014, 01:45 PM
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Originally Posted by lillamy View Post
Not anymore. I decided to go gray and grow my hair out.
Sounds nice.
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Old 11-06-2014, 03:22 PM
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My hair stylist is Vietnamese and barely speaks English.
She knows what I want an like and does it well...quietly
I just LOVE her
I have had similar situations with hairdressers in the past. Very unpleasant.
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