stickyfingers

I am 37 days sober today. It took 35 days before I had my first "feel new and shiny" day. And it has taken 37 days to feel RESENTFUL. Bam. From Shiny and new back to resentful.. Awesome how fast my sick brain decided that 'healthy' just isn't good enough.. That I have once again "done it", I am now "cured", I am "better" and I can "handle".... Sure I can.
I am cooking dinner, and I MISS my wine. I MISS IT ! and I am really, really resentful of all the millions of other people who are sipping on a glass of wine while they are cooking, and making nice conversation... I am angry, resentful, and I could very easily just forget about my 37 days. Except this time.... I can't. THIS time, I am aware of the resentfulness. I was expecting it.. waiting for it... and ofcourse, it didn't disappoint. But THIS time, I am prepared to listen to the healing part of my brain. And it actually feels good to deny the voices that say "Ofcourse you can !". I started on this journey to feel better and to BE better. and each and every time I say no, I AM better. And it feels good.

amandaw

I have a lot of resentment as well. I have a major case of the "why me's." I'm glad you're seeing your resentment for what it is. 37 days is amazing!

Mark1014

The internal turmoil can get tiresome for sure. The strength you're showing is admirable...you're going to be even stronger the next time the negative tries to prevail! Don't give up.

Dee74

I thought not drinking would be the end of my life - but in time, it was the beginning

I rediscovered a me I'd forgotten about and I found I life I never could have dreamt for myself.

I hope as you guys go on, you'll start to see 'why me'
Have faith. This is the right direction

D

Jipsee

Well, the "cooking wine" (wine you drink while cooking) I drank on Sunday did not have a glamorous outcome. I don't know one normie that drinks while they are cooking, hmmmm

MIRecovery

I can't fly and I can't drink. They are both facts of life

VikingGF

At 37 days my emotions were all over the place. Happy, sad, happy, angry, happy, resentful. But, after a while, the happy showed up more and more and it was a much happier happy- like a freedom I had not felt before. Hang in there and it will come. The strength found in not drinking feels better than drinking ever did.

stickyfingers

funny.. when you reduce it down to that... it's all just really simple, isn't it ? Can't fly, can't drink... huh

MIRecovery

I would like to do both but if I jump off a building and flap my arms I'm going to die when I hit the ground if I take a drink I will be just as dead

ccam1973

Congrats on 37 days MIR. Thats awesome. I was all over the place at 37 days too. My last relapse was at 30 days because I couldn't control my AV... or I did't try hard enough to control it.

As time goes on, your emotions will even out. Never perfectly in tune, but that is just life. We still have to take the good with the bad. For me, the good is so much more meaningful and the bad is easier to overcome with the clarity of sobriety.

Great job on 37 days.

Treerat66

Congratulations on 37 days!

Ellay

Congrats on 37 days! I am just one day ahead I drove by a really nice house last night and thought, "gee - I bet that person can drink wine normally too"
What is that all about?! But I get your resentment. I drove up to my equally nice home and went in and had a cup of tea and squashed the negative useless thoughts.