Crippled by fear
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 301
Crippled by fear
I don't know what to do about it. I'm trying and sometimes I genuinely feel ok. But on a night, like tonight. I can't sleep and I'm afraid of a lot of things, I get the feeling that something truly awful is hanging around the corner and it frightens me.
I've tried to stay calm but my anxiety had evolved into something that swallows most of my waking hours. Sometimes I feel I'm completely losing it and then morning comes and I'm alright for a few hours until my brain kicks back into gear.
Earlier today I rolled a dice, 1 in 12 whether I'd be ok of not, I picked 7. It came up 7. Unlucky seven.
I'd fight this but I don't know how.
No Relapse, No Surrender.
Tom.
I've tried to stay calm but my anxiety had evolved into something that swallows most of my waking hours. Sometimes I feel I'm completely losing it and then morning comes and I'm alright for a few hours until my brain kicks back into gear.
Earlier today I rolled a dice, 1 in 12 whether I'd be ok of not, I picked 7. It came up 7. Unlucky seven.
I'd fight this but I don't know how.
No Relapse, No Surrender.
Tom.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: On the road to happy destiny
Posts: 25
Originally Posted by Thomasthetank 
I don't know what to do about it. I'm trying and sometimes I genuinely feel ok. But on a night, like tonight. I can't sleep and I'm afraid of a lot of things, I get the feeling that something truly awful is hanging around the corner and it frightens me.
I've tried to stay calm but my anxiety had evolved into something that swallows most of my waking hours. Sometimes I feel I'm completely losing it and then morning comes and I'm alright for a few hours until my brain kicks back into gear.
Earlier today I rolled a dice, 1 in 12 whether I'd be ok of not, I picked 7. It came up 7. Unlucky seven.
I'd fight this but I don't know how.
No Relapse, No Surrender.
Tom.
I've tried to stay calm but my anxiety had evolved into something that swallows most of my waking hours. Sometimes I feel I'm completely losing it and then morning comes and I'm alright for a few hours until my brain kicks back into gear.
Earlier today I rolled a dice, 1 in 12 whether I'd be ok of not, I picked 7. It came up 7. Unlucky seven.
I'd fight this but I don't know how.
No Relapse, No Surrender.
Tom.
Have you tried meditation? Just square breathing may help you (breathe in count 3 or whatever, hold count 3 exhale count 3 hold count 3. )
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
OK, well my first advice is to let go of the magical fortune telling - you can't base anxiety or serenity on the roll of a dice, T-the-T...
There is fear in sobriety, there is anxiety, and there is also anxiety which gets to a place in which you are not functional. That is dangerous to your sobriety, because - for many of us - alcohol was a balm against anxiety (as well as a few other substances). Self-medicating. If you let things get to a place in which you are mostly miserable sober, you are going to get stuck with your back against the wall where you have to choose between survival and sobriety, and that is not a place I want you to be!
You could go two routes. You can consider seeing a mental health specialist, identifying your extreme anxiety and asking for medication to make handling it do-able. Taking medication does not mean that you will have to take it for the rest of your life. This could be transitional, and as you work therapeutically, you may be able to let go of medication as an emergency approach (or you may need to use it for a long time, and that may just be a tool that you need to function in the world).
Option #2 is to approach the anxiety with some more holistic healing options, but very intentionally and methodically - counselling, yoga, meditation, acupuncture. You could create a program that works for anxiety, but you'll have to make it a priority for it to be effective. Devote yourself to it.
There is an option number three and that is to do nothing and let yourself be incapacitated by your anxiety, struggling through each day.
We were just talking about this in today's AA meeting. That sobriety doesn't have to be perfect, but it has to be comfortable enough to bear, and one hopes that it contains some joy and relief. If sobriety becomes miserable, well, misery is unsustainable...
Whatever you choose to do, this is clearly the thing you need to address! Right away!
I know it may not seem comparable, but I've had to do a similar process with my sleep issues in these first few months of sobriety. I'm not talking about a mild insomnia for the first week. I spent the first two months unable to sleep for more than just a couple of hours at a time. I was foggy at work and dangerous on the road. I was starting to consider returning to alcohol just so I could get a little bit of sleep!
I went the option #2 route - herbal tea, massage, rolfing, exercise, bedtime rituals, stretching, herbs, blah, blah, blah. Some days it seemed like the only thing I was focused on in sobriety was getting some sleep. I bought multiple mouth guards to stop grinding my teeth. I bought a new little stuffed animal elephant to snuggle with. I quit smoking even! I knew that I had to solve the issue to stay sober...
I have wondered how much of my drinking was inspired by my insomnia...then I realized it didn't matter which came first. The important thing was that I can't stay sober if the only medicine that works for my mental health issue is alcohol. My choice is to address that issue or use alcohol. Bam.
I send you a hug, T-the-T, and the prediction that most of what you are anxious about will not come to pass, and that which does will be handle-able. But that reassurance probably won't reassure you. Anxiety disorder is debilitating and exhausting. Don't let it wear you down...address it now!
There is fear in sobriety, there is anxiety, and there is also anxiety which gets to a place in which you are not functional. That is dangerous to your sobriety, because - for many of us - alcohol was a balm against anxiety (as well as a few other substances). Self-medicating. If you let things get to a place in which you are mostly miserable sober, you are going to get stuck with your back against the wall where you have to choose between survival and sobriety, and that is not a place I want you to be!
You could go two routes. You can consider seeing a mental health specialist, identifying your extreme anxiety and asking for medication to make handling it do-able. Taking medication does not mean that you will have to take it for the rest of your life. This could be transitional, and as you work therapeutically, you may be able to let go of medication as an emergency approach (or you may need to use it for a long time, and that may just be a tool that you need to function in the world).
Option #2 is to approach the anxiety with some more holistic healing options, but very intentionally and methodically - counselling, yoga, meditation, acupuncture. You could create a program that works for anxiety, but you'll have to make it a priority for it to be effective. Devote yourself to it.
There is an option number three and that is to do nothing and let yourself be incapacitated by your anxiety, struggling through each day.
We were just talking about this in today's AA meeting. That sobriety doesn't have to be perfect, but it has to be comfortable enough to bear, and one hopes that it contains some joy and relief. If sobriety becomes miserable, well, misery is unsustainable...
Whatever you choose to do, this is clearly the thing you need to address! Right away!
I know it may not seem comparable, but I've had to do a similar process with my sleep issues in these first few months of sobriety. I'm not talking about a mild insomnia for the first week. I spent the first two months unable to sleep for more than just a couple of hours at a time. I was foggy at work and dangerous on the road. I was starting to consider returning to alcohol just so I could get a little bit of sleep!
I went the option #2 route - herbal tea, massage, rolfing, exercise, bedtime rituals, stretching, herbs, blah, blah, blah. Some days it seemed like the only thing I was focused on in sobriety was getting some sleep. I bought multiple mouth guards to stop grinding my teeth. I bought a new little stuffed animal elephant to snuggle with. I quit smoking even! I knew that I had to solve the issue to stay sober...
I have wondered how much of my drinking was inspired by my insomnia...then I realized it didn't matter which came first. The important thing was that I can't stay sober if the only medicine that works for my mental health issue is alcohol. My choice is to address that issue or use alcohol. Bam.
I send you a hug, T-the-T, and the prediction that most of what you are anxious about will not come to pass, and that which does will be handle-able. But that reassurance probably won't reassure you. Anxiety disorder is debilitating and exhausting. Don't let it wear you down...address it now!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Anchorage, AK
Posts: 101
I think that you have shown an incredible amount of courage just by waking up every morning and choosing not to drink. It’s normal to be afraid but don’t let it incapacitate you. I’ll leave you with one of my favorite inspirational quotes:
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. Nelson Mandela
I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. Nelson Mandela
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 182
Come on man using dice? I learned a long time ago that means **** all. The amount of practice runs I got right before losing it all at the casino. I was gonna do something drastic when I rolled a hard six one time. It came up deuces. The next spin - hard six. I laughed my ass off home and went to sleep.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Originally Posted by CaptainWhip
Come on man using dice? I learned a long time ago that means **** all. The amount of practice runs I got right before losing it all at the casino. I was gonna do something drastic when I rolled a hard six one time. It came up deuces. The next spin - hard six. I laughed my ass off home and went to sleep.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 301
Originally Posted by heartcore
OK, well my first advice is to let go of the magical fortune telling - you can't base anxiety or serenity on the roll of a dice, T-the-T...
There is fear in sobriety, there is anxiety, and there is also anxiety which gets to a place in which you are not functional. That is dangerous to your sobriety, because - for many of us - alcohol was a balm against anxiety (as well as a few other substances). Self-medicating. If you let things get to a place in which you are mostly miserable sober, you are going to get stuck with your back against the wall where you have to choose between survival and sobriety, and that is not a place I want you to be!
You could go two routes. You can consider seeing a mental health specialist, identifying your extreme anxiety and asking for medication to make handling it do-able. Taking medication does not mean that you will have to take it for the rest of your life. This could be transitional, and as you work therapeutically, you may be able to let go of medication as an emergency approach (or you may need to use it for a long time, and that may just be a tool that you need to function in the world).
Option #2 is to approach the anxiety with some more holistic healing options, but very intentionally and methodically - counselling, yoga, meditation, acupuncture. You could create a program that works for anxiety, but you'll have to make it a priority for it to be effective. Devote yourself to it.
There is an option number three and that is to do nothing and let yourself be incapacitated by your anxiety, struggling through each day.
We were just talking about this in today's AA meeting. That sobriety doesn't have to be perfect, but it has to be comfortable enough to bear, and one hopes that it contains some joy and relief. If sobriety becomes miserable, well, misery is unsustainable...
Whatever you choose to do, this is clearly the thing you need to address! Right away!
I know it may not seem comparable, but I've had to do a similar process with my sleep issues in these first few months of sobriety. I'm not talking about a mild insomnia for the first week. I spent the first two months unable to sleep for more than just a couple of hours at a time. I was foggy at work and dangerous on the road. I was starting to consider returning to alcohol just so I could get a little bit of sleep!
I went the option #2 route - herbal tea, massage, rolfing, exercise, bedtime rituals, stretching, herbs, blah, blah, blah. Some days it seemed like the only thing I was focused on in sobriety was getting some sleep. I bought multiple mouth guards to stop grinding my teeth. I bought a new little stuffed animal elephant to snuggle with. I quit smoking even! I knew that I had to solve the issue to stay sober...
I have wondered how much of my drinking was inspired by my insomnia...then I realized it didn't matter which came first. The important thing was that I can't stay sober if the only medicine that works for my mental health issue is alcohol. My choice is to address that issue or use alcohol. Bam.
I send you a hug, T-the-T, and the prediction that most of what you are anxious about will not come to pass, and that which does will be handle-able. But that reassurance probably won't reassure you. Anxiety disorder is debilitating and exhausting. Don't let it wear you down...address it now!
There is fear in sobriety, there is anxiety, and there is also anxiety which gets to a place in which you are not functional. That is dangerous to your sobriety, because - for many of us - alcohol was a balm against anxiety (as well as a few other substances). Self-medicating. If you let things get to a place in which you are mostly miserable sober, you are going to get stuck with your back against the wall where you have to choose between survival and sobriety, and that is not a place I want you to be!
You could go two routes. You can consider seeing a mental health specialist, identifying your extreme anxiety and asking for medication to make handling it do-able. Taking medication does not mean that you will have to take it for the rest of your life. This could be transitional, and as you work therapeutically, you may be able to let go of medication as an emergency approach (or you may need to use it for a long time, and that may just be a tool that you need to function in the world).
Option #2 is to approach the anxiety with some more holistic healing options, but very intentionally and methodically - counselling, yoga, meditation, acupuncture. You could create a program that works for anxiety, but you'll have to make it a priority for it to be effective. Devote yourself to it.
There is an option number three and that is to do nothing and let yourself be incapacitated by your anxiety, struggling through each day.
We were just talking about this in today's AA meeting. That sobriety doesn't have to be perfect, but it has to be comfortable enough to bear, and one hopes that it contains some joy and relief. If sobriety becomes miserable, well, misery is unsustainable...
Whatever you choose to do, this is clearly the thing you need to address! Right away!
I know it may not seem comparable, but I've had to do a similar process with my sleep issues in these first few months of sobriety. I'm not talking about a mild insomnia for the first week. I spent the first two months unable to sleep for more than just a couple of hours at a time. I was foggy at work and dangerous on the road. I was starting to consider returning to alcohol just so I could get a little bit of sleep!
I went the option #2 route - herbal tea, massage, rolfing, exercise, bedtime rituals, stretching, herbs, blah, blah, blah. Some days it seemed like the only thing I was focused on in sobriety was getting some sleep. I bought multiple mouth guards to stop grinding my teeth. I bought a new little stuffed animal elephant to snuggle with. I quit smoking even! I knew that I had to solve the issue to stay sober...
I have wondered how much of my drinking was inspired by my insomnia...then I realized it didn't matter which came first. The important thing was that I can't stay sober if the only medicine that works for my mental health issue is alcohol. My choice is to address that issue or use alcohol. Bam.
I send you a hug, T-the-T, and the prediction that most of what you are anxious about will not come to pass, and that which does will be handle-able. But that reassurance probably won't reassure you. Anxiety disorder is debilitating and exhausting. Don't let it wear you down...address it now!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
You've been through a lot Tom. More than most in early recovery.
Be gentle with yourself and keep your expectations real.
If you think you need support to help get through this anxiety, please see your Dr or counsellor, ok?
D
Be gentle with yourself and keep your expectations real.
If you think you need support to help get through this anxiety, please see your Dr or counsellor, ok?
D
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 301
I'm going to see a doctors tomorrow, I've tried telling them before. But I'm going to ensure they don't push it to one side this time, it's debilitating and serious.
To be honest I think I got a bad doctor who seemed to undermine the severity of my problem when I last went. I've asked for a different doctor.
I'm not going to be too polite to insist on the best thing for my health.
To be honest I think I got a bad doctor who seemed to undermine the severity of my problem when I last went. I've asked for a different doctor.
I'm not going to be too polite to insist on the best thing for my health.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Tom, are you seeing a counselor to deal with the loss of your brother? I know that must be hitting you hard. I had to check into an outpatient in order to process and grieve my mom's suicide.
Are you getting any group or individual support?
The death of those close to us can cause incredible anxiety, fear, and existential angst to surface.
Are you getting any group or individual support?
The death of those close to us can cause incredible anxiety, fear, and existential angst to surface.
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Originally Posted by SoberJennie
Tom, are you seeing a counselor to deal with the loss of your brother?
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Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
I'm not a psychologist but maybe there are ways of dealing with early recovery and with the tragedy of your brothers death that are easier on you Tom?
There's no weakness in asking for help
D
There's no weakness in asking for help
D
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 462
There is a book that was told to get when experiencing the same severe anxiety. It's called feeling good by burns . It has exercised to help your brain stop going to negative twisted thinking. It helps a lot with the impending doom that something awful is about to happen!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,294
Good choice in seeing a Dr. Sometimes we need a boost, and you have been through a lot. Sobriety is hard, as we all know, and as Dee said there is no shame in seeking help.
For me, sobriety revealed a lot of deep rooted emotional and psychological problems. I had to bite my tongue and go to a counselor for a while, who finally said I needed medication and medical treatment with a psychiatrist. I would have never done that in the past.
Don't let fear cripple you, you have come far. See a Dr and if that one is no good, try another. You are worth it.
For me, sobriety revealed a lot of deep rooted emotional and psychological problems. I had to bite my tongue and go to a counselor for a while, who finally said I needed medication and medical treatment with a psychiatrist. I would have never done that in the past.
Don't let fear cripple you, you have come far. See a Dr and if that one is no good, try another. You are worth it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 301
Originally Posted by Dee74
I'm not a psychologist but maybe there are ways of dealing with early recovery and with the tragedy of your brothers death that are easier on you Tom?
There's no weakness in asking for help
D
There's no weakness in asking for help
D
I tried to make myself indestructible. Everyone thought I was fine, I'd help others through grief then go home and just break down.
I just don't want him to be gone man. He was my armour. Now I don't know have any, everything bruises twice as hard.
I can't fight my way out of this, it's just the only way I know how. I need to be smarter than that.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Tom, I have had terrible anxiety to the point of panic attacks. I did very well with a psychiatrist and some meds, and also a book, Mastery of Your Anxiety and Panic.
I have to say, though, the best I ever felt was after facing my drinking problems, and health problems, and managing those. Even though I am cycling with relapses on the drinking, I am in a much better place than I was back then. Many of the fear was health-centered, so taking charge of 75% of that still helped. And, tackling the last hurdle, the drinking still. When I go back to drinking frequently, I have anxiety again. Aldo increased depression.
I hope you get good help this time. I read about your last time trying and getting pushed off by the doctor. That is terrible. Hopefully that will not happen again. I do not take a regular medication any longer for my anxiety. I do have a prescription for occasional use. I use it for dental drilling, flying. Things like that.
And, I am very sorry for your loss.
I have to say, though, the best I ever felt was after facing my drinking problems, and health problems, and managing those. Even though I am cycling with relapses on the drinking, I am in a much better place than I was back then. Many of the fear was health-centered, so taking charge of 75% of that still helped. And, tackling the last hurdle, the drinking still. When I go back to drinking frequently, I have anxiety again. Aldo increased depression.
I hope you get good help this time. I read about your last time trying and getting pushed off by the doctor. That is terrible. Hopefully that will not happen again. I do not take a regular medication any longer for my anxiety. I do have a prescription for occasional use. I use it for dental drilling, flying. Things like that.
And, I am very sorry for your loss.
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