luvmygirls

Hi all, please forgive me if this is not the right place to post this question. I've been on the Newcomers board since joining SR in mid-September, and I purchased the big book and read most of it. My question is, if I want to work the steps alone (or here, on SR) how is that done? In other words, is there some structure that I would find online or in the book?

Many thanks for any help you can provide!

Pagekeeper

The ideal way to work the steps is with a sponsor who has also been through them and had the spiritual awakening. Each step is outlined in the book through the various chapters, which is why it's important to have a sponsor who is able to show you this. What's your reasoning for wanting to do them by yourself or with someone online versus a real-life sponsor?

sugarbear1

DC/Northern VA and MD area has about 1200 meetings a week, why not find a sponsor there? Washington Area Intergroup Association 202-966-9115

Hope4Life

Many folks have tried to work the steps alone and have failed miserably. I have NEVER heard of someone successfully working the steps w/o a sponsor.

You need someone to relate your past to that can help you understand what your defects are and guide you through the steps. They have been through them at least once, and have the experience to help you get the job done right.

biminiblue

You can do the steps yourself. The book tells you what to do.

Good luck! There are also online worksheets you can Google.

Soberpotamus

I worked most of the Steps alone (well, not alone... but without a formal sponsor). I used: The Big Book, the 12&12, The Little Red Book for Women, A Woman's Way Through the 12 Steps by Stephanie Covington along with the accompanying workbook, Waiting by Marya Hornbacher, and Mindfulness and the 12 Steps by Therese Jacobs-Stewart.

Don't be bothered by the myriad who'll tell you it can't be done successfully. What works for one may not work for another.

MIRecovery

One of the old timers I know says, "Anyone who has themselves as a sponsor has a fool for a sponsor."

This might be a bit harsh but I don't believe the steps can be effectively worked without a sponsor

Hawks

I tried to sponsor myself. Lasted about 3 months before I drank again towards the end of 2010.

I wouldn't recommend it.

There seems to be the very odd exception to this, but most runs at "self sponsorship" don't end well.

I got "given" my sponsor. No choice, no say "this guy is going to sponsor you" ..... Bingo .... I had a new sponsor

and I thought "bloody great, I'm 40, he's 60, I got 4 kids, he's got 1, I'm married, he's divorced, he did heroin, I never did ...... blah blah blah ..... what the hell is this guy going to do for me ??"

It didn't matter ..... he just took me through ... still is ... 100 plus days later ... I love the guy, seriously.

He & the steps have done more for me in a 100 odd days than years of counsellors, therapists, psychologists etc etc.

The steps look scary .... but they aren't really.

Being a dry drunk (just go to meetings, just don't drink) & self sponsorship, turned out to be a wolf in sheeps clothing.

Lovely, fluffy, warm & cuddly ...... until it eats you alive.

luvmygirls

Oh, OK. Thanks for those of you who gave me the pros and cons of attempting this. I'm sorry if it was a stupid question, I guess I didn't realize that the sole purpose of a sponsor was to do the steps. That probably seemed obvious to most of you.

Soberpotamus

Not a stupid question. A good question!

MIRecovery

Definitely not a stupid question but another reason to have a sponsor is someone you can ask questions

legna

The book Alcoholics Anonymous, which is affectionately called the Big Book, was written for those who wanted to work the program of Alcoholics Anonymous but did not have access to meetings or anyone to help.

"To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book." Big Book 4th edition pg xiii

Eddiebuckle

That's not stupid, it's very much where I wanted to start my sobriety. I was fortunate to find a sponsor though, and now understand that I would have been incapable of seeing my reservations for what they were, and certainly would not have gotten what I did out of doing the steps without him.

Self delusion is the cornerstone of addiction. Self-sponsorship will almost never overcome self delusion.

The first word of the first step: we.

Good luck!

Gottalife

And it worked very well. In 1946 the founder of AA in nz obtained a copy of the Big Book. He had some correspondence by letter with New York, he had men of religion to help with the spiritual, and alcoholism specialists who had treated him unsuccessfully in the past. This latter group were a little sceptical in the beginning.

So he set about following the directions in the book on his own account. It became clear that the program goal, sobriety, was contingent on helping others so eventually he would have to work with someone else.

In fact it was two years of trying before he found our AA number two and the first AA group was founded.

So I suppose the answer is it is not possible to work the steps alone, steps three, five and nine by definition involve others, but the others don't have to be AA members. But at the end of the day, having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we have to carry this message to others if we want to work all twelve steps. If you don't, you still might not drink, but you will miss the major rewards of this way of life.

As the big book says, someone who has been through the steps has much practical experience that could help you.

Tamerua

Not at all a dumb question. What I have discover is that I'm a loner, and that isn't always good. I need to ask for help and let people in so doing the steps is a way accomplishing that.

One of my good friends has an online sponsor. Just an after thought. Good luck!

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

Taking5

It can definitely be done alone. The groups in NZ and India, amongst others, were started in the '40s by lone people with a big book and no sponsor.

However you have to do it that way today. You can make it much easier on yourself if you get a sponsor.

plexi01

I went to meetings for quite a while, and thought I could sponsor myself. The ego, again. Unless you REALLY have no possibility of getting a sponsor you can talk and relate to, I would really recommend you getting one.

I was doing the steps, thought it was all going well, but boy was I wrong. Last nite, some of the folks who are heavily involved in working for the entire Chilean AA community stayed with me for an hour, just because they realized that I had primarily no gotten one thing thru my big head - feeling defeated. You need to feel defeated and accept your defeat against alcohol in order to move on with the steps. And feeling defeated is a big thing. There is frustration, questions, isolation from what you thought was normal (or your life as an alcoholic), and accepting that other people can go out a weekend, have a few drinks, even get buzzed and have normal life. Accepting that WE can't is huge. At least for me. In this sense, going to the meetings and being able to rely on my sponsor to do the steps, or to call him if I'm in really bad shape, now makes sense to me. Before that I was even ashamed to make that call.

markz

You can not work the steps alone!
Your best thinking...
Your best judgement...
Your best actions...
Got you drunk, time and time again.
A sick mind can not heal a sick mind.

leighqt

I agree get a sponsor