JustADumbGuy

For the first time in going on two years. And I am embarrassed, ashamed, and everything else.

I know she will know. She is an intelligent and amazing woman. She doesn't deserve to be lied to.

I am pathetic. This mistake was pathetic. I never want to do it again.

Is it remotely forgiveable? It's been years, if I go many more can I atone?

JustADumbGuy

BTW. I've read here for a while and know how much quacking I am doing. That was my solace in sobriety for years: I said I'd do better and was: until now.

I am so sorry on behalf of all similar idiots to this forum.

lillamy

Be honest. Then follow up your words with action. I think that's always the best we can do. You have no power over how she's going to react -- just like she has no power over you choosing to drink.

And just so you know, idiots come on all sides of this alcoholism problem. I was never an alcoholic, but I am a recovering idiot. A codependent one.

Good luck!

Dee74

I think in time, once you stop beating yourself up and you come clean, you'll be able to forgive yourself.

I forgave my self for 20 years of bad mistakes after all

D

JustADumbGuy

Thank you two.

Heading home now and coming clean.

I will check back into this thread. This will not and should not occur again.

Dee74

I have no doubt you can get back to where you want to be Just

D

JustADumbGuy

Either way, I will report if my family chooses a different situation.

JustADumbGuy

Going home now to come clean. This entry not for purpose of any response, but to hold myself (kind of) to the standard which she deserves.

Hammer

Generally speaking -- it seems Alcoholics may be able to hold you to better accountability than Friends and Family, per se.

Are you familiar with that section?

JustADumbGuy

In there, too, thanks.

Apologies for the post in the wrong section.

Personal Note: "Friends and Family" has been an attachment of mine. For good and bad here: Any pain I may have caused my family is my biggest motivator and I am trying to understand. That's the main thing that's worked for me thus far...

Yes, I know that's trite and probably vastly innappropriate here, but

Hammer

If you would like a major tip?

It would be: Talk Less, Do More.

Do you know the Proverb -- You may know a tree by its fruit(s).

Apple Trees produce . . . Apples.
Pear Trees produce . . . Pears.
Cherry Trees . . . Cherries.

You get the idea. It is NOT what you say . . . It is ONLY what you DO.

So . . . Do Good.

That is what you will be known by.

JustADumbGuy

Sorry and thank you.

Hammer

Nothing to be sorry to me or us for.

Seek God and He will guide you.

And Thank Him when he does.

Stung

Chances are she will not judge you as harshly as you're judging yourself, but being upfront and honest with her is treating her with a lot of dignity and respect. My husband recently relapsed and lied about it and I knew he'd relapsed by that distinctive smell, all the while he looked me in the eyes and lied to me.

I think for a lot of F&F members it's the lying that really is the final straw on the camel's back.

Good luck to you. I hope you reach out and firmly grab hold of all of the sober tools that you have available to you!

LeeJane

For me, it is lying that is far worse than drinking. My boundaries do not allow for AH to lie.

redatlanta

Concur on the lying. My RAH stood in front of me once wasted holding a drink and told me repeatedly he was not drunk, had not been drinking and that the drink tasted like alcohol because there was a lime in it.

If you are honest with me there is a possibility of me working with it. If you lie to me forget it.

Eauchiche

Sounds like you are due for another First Step to me. Do you know what triggered this?

I had a binge Sunday afternoon/evening with internet porn. I had been free of that for years. Back then I was severely addicted.

The remorse I have towards God for this is enough right there to keep me from doing it again. I also woke up the next morning with a massive hangover from it- yes, it works just like a drug on the brain.

I recognize my own triggers towards this now. It was my partner's birthday this weekend.....

Are you working your program? Do you have a sponsor? Good luck!

JustADumbGuy

The conversation went pretty simply.

Her: "Thank you for cleaning the house up yesterday; Why did you sleep on the couch?"
Me: "Guilt. I felt guilty because I drank yesterday."
Her: "Why?!!?"
Me: "It doesn't make sense. I don't know."

I explained some of my frustrations that had triggered me, then made it clear that none of those were any excuse.

She did not leave me, even though I crossed a boundry. She packed up all the booze that was in the house and took it with her to work to give to a coworker. Honestly, I didn't care that it was in the house. If I want to drink, I can always drive down to the liquor store. I do not want to.

Today is just another really humbling moment. Nothing is ever easy.

meggem

watch out for "delayed rage" from your wife.

firebolt

Glad to conversation went alright. I hope you can forgive yourself, and then show both of you that you are ready to work hard at not drinking. $h!t happens, all we can do is keep moving forward. You got this!