anonnn

Just a forewarning... this is about to be long.

So about 5 months ago, I got out of a 3 1/2 year relationship with a guy that never really treated me right... & I ended up falling out of love with him. Anyways long story short, I became emotionally stable to date again finally & I was the happiest I could be. I wasen't really "trying" to be in a relationship... untill a guy that ive talked to every once in a while messaged me on facebook... again. Him & I have talked as friends previously. We went to the same high school & we knew most of the same people. So, we started talking. At first I wasen't very interested in him, as he wasen't really "my type" I guess you could say. I have always dating the "a**hole" type guys... Well he talked me into coming over to watch a movies. I reminded him that I would come hangout strictly "as friends". He agreed. So I went to hangout with him... everything went good. I left, he texted me the next day saying he had a good time & wanted to hangout again. I told him I would because I found him cute & he had a great personality.

So about a week into hanging out he had asked me to be his girlfriend. This is something I would normally say "uhm, its way too soon" to... But for some reason I thought oh... what the hell, why not? I like this guy & he treats me well. I found it kind of odd that he would mainly like to hangout at night & watch movies... every time I asked if he wanted to do something during the day he would say... oh, I have to go help my friend move, I have no help my mom with her work, I have to do house work. I didn't think too much of it at the time. Then he asked me if I would still be with him if I knew he was once a "heroin addict" but he's clean & sober now... Well... I think i'm a pretty nice person. & I believe in second chances. So me being dumb thinking he is 100% sober now. I continued my relationship with him because I started to fall in love with him... I noticed more & more that he would doze off during moving & use the old "i'm resting my eyes"! line... lol. But it became more frequent. I also noticed marks on his arms... & I brought it up to him & asked about them. (I knew they were track marks the whole time, just wanted to see how he would lie to me) He has the nerve to tell me they were "bug bites".

He would also call me in the middle of the night sometimes complaining that he doesn't feel good, & that he is sick & feels like he is gonna die. (this was withdrawal) I didn't know this at the time... & he didn't tell me. So this trend of all of this continues... Then he starts asking me if he could borrow money for his phone bill... me thinking its REALLY for his "phone bill" & being the nice person I am. Of course I let him borrow $50 for his phone bill. This becomes more frequent... & I start to catch on. Untill one day he finally called me & told me he was feeling very depressed & felt like ****. I asked him "well whats wrong?" & he says you know whats wrong... (He knows that I already knew he was still using... he just didn't want to admit it to me...) So I ask what is it? & he says he's withdrawing...

Long story short with that one... I guess I could be labeled as a "caretaker" in this situation because I felt that I HAD to be there for him because I love him & I wanted to help him (yes I know there is NO helping an addict, they can only help themselves) I have learned this... I paid for him to get into a program where they give him subs to try & get him sober & he couldnt do it... he would try & he would give up & tell me to drop him off at his "friends" to go get high... So after all this emotional stress on me dealing with all this & seeing someone I love go thru this we finally talked about him going to rehab... So finally he went to a rehab 13 hours away... At first he told me it would be 6-8 weeks long. So of course I said i'd wait for him... & I love him. He said he needed me & loves me & he wants me to stay strong & wait for him to come home after rehab... well he would call me every weekend & I would write letters telling him how proud I am of him etc etc... & he decided he wants to stay down there & go to a halfway house... about two weeks ago I went down there to visit him with his mom... he acted really weird the entire time we were down there. I do understand that when your in recovery... you dont need to have a relationship. So I asked him while I was down there. I said "are you sure you want to be with me because sometimes relationships can cause stress & I want you to focus on yourself." & he told me he wouldnt make me drive 13 hours if he didn't want to be with me. Ok... So I said thats fine & i've been giving him his space.

So two weeks go by after going to visit him & I don't get a phone call from him or nothing... So I talked to his mom & she told me that she thinks its because he doesn't want a relationship right now & he doesn't know how to handle breaking up with me... so he was just going to ignore me & cut me off pretty much. Well I felt heart broken... So I just tried to focus on me.

He then sent me a text that Monday when he got to the halfway house. He told me he wants to be with me but doesn't know how it will workout because he's thinking about living in where he is at.. So I told him ok & that I understand that this is whats best... we didn't OFFICIALLY break up yet. Untill I saw on facebook that he was commenting on a post with one of the guys he met in rehab implying that they have been f***ing the girls down there... after seeing that I sent him a text saying "i am done" & I took our relationship off facebook. He then responded with "ok". So thats night I decided to go out with my friends. We posted pictures on instagram & of course he saw them & texted me saying "so you wanna breakup cuz you wanna go out?" & I said no, i want to be done because of what you put on facebook. & he swears up & down to me that he didn't cheat on me. So whatever... I didn't wanna stress him out with fighting so I just kept it short with him. He then texted me the next morning apologizing for the way he's been acting towards me & told me still wants to be with me but doesn't know how its gonna workout with him being down there. Then he told me he has the whole day off so if I wanna talk on the phone we can. We have a short OK conversation... he tells me he will call back. then keeps making up excuses as to why he cant call me back right away. & tell me he will for sure call me sometime tonight... never does.. then apologizes to me in the morning. Everytime I think him & i are officially done & I try to get over him he sends me a text... I love him & it sucks not being with him... & i'm trying so hard to get over him... but he sometimes gives me hope when we talk then shoots me down again... Idk how to handle it. It has been stressing me out really bad. I have stuck by his side & been loyal the whole month & a half he has been down there... I just don't wanna waste my time anymore... I dont't know if he did cheat on me I don't know how he feels about me anymore, is it possible he just doesn't want me to move on incase he did come back home soon? He still doesnt know for sure if he wants to live down there... help:/

ardy

Hi annon wow babe we do it all for Love and then just get our hearts broken.. what can I say... my Hubby is the pill popper and now has liquid morphine that the doctor gave him to drink.. yep.. you need to cut the ties and its called Delete hon.. Delete in the messages and phone and face book.. he can try all he wants and you have the power of DELETE... prayers love and Stand Tall Hold the High Ground keep the Faith.. love a Mom ardy...

zoso77

Anonnn,

Welcome to the Board. My hope is you take advantage of the support and the resources that we have to offer while you're going through this difficult time.

Other members will be by to greet you, but I usually greet new members with thoughts of my own. And with that, take what you like and leave the rest.

When I read your post, my initial impression is he took advantage of your somewhat permeable boundaries. Addicts are very, very astute when it comes to assessing the vulnerabilities of people around them. And so here you are, fresh out of a relationship with someone that didn't treat you well, and you tend to date guys that are jerks. So in comes someone who treats you well, and he lures you in...

And before you know it:

He's got you right where he wants you.

Really? What sucks about it, Anonnn? What does he bring to the table other than drama and misery?

When I read your description of this guy, he fits the description of the quintessential addict. Normally I'm a bit more reserved when greeting new member than I'm about to be here, but with you, I'm about to make an exception.

Lose him. Get rid of him. Kick his arse to the curb. Block his number, block him on social media, block him from emailing you. It is a statistical certainty that he will bring you nothing but pain and misery if you choose to keep him in your life. And all the anecdotal evidence I need to support this is here, on our pages; the stories of our members. So I encourage you to read as many of those stories as you can stomach, but first, go to our homepage and read a sticky note called "What Addicts Do".

Lastly, may I suggest that you think about how to make your boundaries less permeable. This guy played you, big time. He wanted someone to enable him, and he found you. Going forward, you have to stop giving yourself permission to engage with people like this. Thinking like this --

-- does not serve you well. But you can change that, should you so choose.

Again, Welcome to the Board. Stick around, learn, and get wiser and stronger.

kej248

Quote: "This is something I would normally say "uhm, its way too soon" to... But for some reason I thought oh... what the hell, why not? I like this guy & he treats me well"

That is how I was when I met the addict in my life. Now 4 years later, tons of heartbreak, and thousands of dollars later, I wish I would of thought of me when red flag after red flag popped up. And now he says I'm the terrible ex girlfriend who was never supportive.

So what I'm saying is no matter how much you are there for them or what you do for them sometimes when it's all said and done, you become the exact opposite person you set out to be.

zoso77

Bump

jadealexander

I thought I was reading my story. Almost exactly the same. Except my addict is out of rehab and about 20 minutes away yet we don't really talk. Your ex has given you enough mixed signals to let you know he is not 100% ready to commit to you. So go out with your friends have your fun. If he isn't ready to give you want you deserve then don't give what you feel he deserves. It's okay to still be hopeful but right now it is not happening.

jodigrind11

I have been with my husband for 28 yrs. For 5 of those yrs hes been addicted to meth. I have lost everything that meant anything to me. I can tell you walk away walk very fast. I have loved him forever n still its killing me. Get out and be done.