This is a war.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 301
This is a war.
It's a war we fight with ourselves.
We might not see bloodshed, but the bruises and the breaks and the destruction all happens internally.
And just like in any war, some die.
But if you're reading this you've been lucky enough to survive and have a second chance, I've been given a second chance. I don't know what that means, why me and not someone else, maybe there isn't a reason. Maybe it's all random, maybe not. I honestly don't know. All I know is it would be an insult to the chance I've been given not to try and do something good with my life and to make the most of what I have.
I wanted to commit suicide once. There's a bridge near my house and when alcoholism had me thinking I could not continue I listened to my favourite album, had my favourite meal, sank a 12 pack of tall beers and walked over there with the intention of ending it. I even picked out the spot least likely to be seen by drivers and potentially cause an accident.
But I looked down and it wasn't fear that held me back, it was the feeling that I wasn't done yet. That I would not let it win. That some way, I wasn't sure how yet, I was going to win.
I'm going to win because i'm not alone.
It took several months after that to finally quit, for real. I'd like to say I don't think about drinking anymore. I was thinking about drinking tonight, so I wrote this as a battle cry.
We refuse to be beaten. We refuse to be killed. We refuse to submit.
This is a war and we're going to win. There's no plan B.
No relapse, No Surrender.
Tom.
We might not see bloodshed, but the bruises and the breaks and the destruction all happens internally.
And just like in any war, some die.
But if you're reading this you've been lucky enough to survive and have a second chance, I've been given a second chance. I don't know what that means, why me and not someone else, maybe there isn't a reason. Maybe it's all random, maybe not. I honestly don't know. All I know is it would be an insult to the chance I've been given not to try and do something good with my life and to make the most of what I have.
I wanted to commit suicide once. There's a bridge near my house and when alcoholism had me thinking I could not continue I listened to my favourite album, had my favourite meal, sank a 12 pack of tall beers and walked over there with the intention of ending it. I even picked out the spot least likely to be seen by drivers and potentially cause an accident.
But I looked down and it wasn't fear that held me back, it was the feeling that I wasn't done yet. That I would not let it win. That some way, I wasn't sure how yet, I was going to win.
I'm going to win because i'm not alone.
It took several months after that to finally quit, for real. I'd like to say I don't think about drinking anymore. I was thinking about drinking tonight, so I wrote this as a battle cry.
We refuse to be beaten. We refuse to be killed. We refuse to submit.
This is a war and we're going to win. There's no plan B.
No relapse, No Surrender.
Tom.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Thomas
I think your doing your brother so proud i am in awe... you conduct yourself brilliantly your focusing on your sobriety and you even bagged a date Romeo
Hold that chin firmly up my friend and keep on soldiering on we are all walking with you
Well done Thomas
I think your doing your brother so proud i am in awe... you conduct yourself brilliantly your focusing on your sobriety and you even bagged a date Romeo
Hold that chin firmly up my friend and keep on soldiering on we are all walking with you
Well done Thomas
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
Now on the street tonight the lights grow dim
The walls of my room are closing in
There's a war outside still raging
you say it ain't ours anymore to win
I wanna sleep beneath peaceful skies in my lover's bed
With a wide open country in my eyes
And these romantic dreams in my head
Because we made a promise we swore we'd always remember
No retreat, baby, no surrender
Blood brothers in the stormy night with a vow to defend
No retreat, baby, no surrender
No retreat, baby, no surrender
-- Bruce Springsteen, No Surrender
The walls of my room are closing in
There's a war outside still raging
you say it ain't ours anymore to win
I wanna sleep beneath peaceful skies in my lover's bed
With a wide open country in my eyes
And these romantic dreams in my head
Because we made a promise we swore we'd always remember
No retreat, baby, no surrender
Blood brothers in the stormy night with a vow to defend
No retreat, baby, no surrender
No retreat, baby, no surrender
-- Bruce Springsteen, No Surrender
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Thank you for posting Thomas. I had a really hard night tonight which brought back all the reasons I used to get drunk every night. Nothing spectacular. Just stress, anger, worry. Good for you for posting this when you had a rough night. It helped me. Thank you. You're right. We're not done yet!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Each of us has our own way of looking at this 
For me a war is a good way to characterise my struggle to get sober - some days sober me won, sometimes addicted me did, but the fight was bitter vicious and never ending because, ultimately, I was fighting myself.
Then I stopped fighting
I accepted I was an alcoholic and that I couldn't drink if I ever wanted change in my life.
My addicted self didnt like it, but without access to my arms, legs, mouth and wallet, there's not thing one addict me could do about it.
He beat his head against the wall and bawled and screamed and threw his toys around for a while, but like all toddlers do, addicted me calmed down and gave up eventually
For me a war is a good way to characterise my struggle to get sober - some days sober me won, sometimes addicted me did, but the fight was bitter vicious and never ending because, ultimately, I was fighting myself.
Then I stopped fighting
I accepted I was an alcoholic and that I couldn't drink if I ever wanted change in my life.
My addicted self didnt like it, but without access to my arms, legs, mouth and wallet, there's not thing one addict me could do about it.
He beat his head against the wall and bawled and screamed and threw his toys around for a while, but like all toddlers do, addicted me calmed down and gave up eventually
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Tom, your "never surrender" attitude has inspired many
For me, fighting exhausts me. Accepting is my thing. My whole life has been a war. Now I've stopped fighting and surrendered to life
For me, fighting exhausts me. Accepting is my thing. My whole life has been a war. Now I've stopped fighting and surrendered to life
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
Like so many, we struggle with lifes
ups and down, but nothing so bad that
would make me want to drink which
would be worse.
Because of your presence here in SR,
I now go out to shop, like being in Walmart,
and spot a cute Thomas The Tank piggy
bank and emmediately think of YOU.
I now LUV ThomasTheTank ..!!!!
ups and down, but nothing so bad that
would make me want to drink which
would be worse.
Because of your presence here in SR,
I now go out to shop, like being in Walmart,
and spot a cute Thomas The Tank piggy
bank and emmediately think of YOU.
I now LUV ThomasTheTank ..!!!!
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