escapethecycle2

I'm a little over two weeks sober from alcohol and I am so anxious that I feel like I'm losing it. All these negative thoughts are in my head, I feel like I can't swallow my spit, my heart is racing, I keep getting déjà vu, and I just feel so tense it's absurd. I don't know what's wrong with me. I just read that 90% of recovering alcoholics relapse within four years. I don't ever want to drunk again and I feel like I can't trust myself after reading that stat. I feel like I'm sinking into the ground. I just moved to a new house yesterday, and am starting school in a week but I haven't been able to get the student aid corp to send over my eligibility letter... I'm cutting it too close and I need to register...so I'm kind of stressed, you could say. Normally, I would have a drink to relax, but I refuse to do that. There is no one I can talk to about how I feel, not even my husband. He just stares at me and says he doesn't know what to say because it's my fault I won't make new friends in this new state we live in. He argues with everything i say until I want to cry from exhaustion. I feel trapped and stressed in normal everyday life situations. I don't have a support system other than this site and I always appreciate the kind words. I feel very isolated and overwhelmed and I feel all these feelings that I haven't felt in years. It's paralyzingly me and my self talk isn't working too well today.

escapethecycle2

Sorry for typos I'm on my cell

least

Congrats on two weeks sober. I think it's good to have a healthy fear of relapsing. But don't let it consume you and drive you nuts.

Soberwolf

Hello Escape, i understand that moving must have been highly stressful and not having anyone to talk to sucks

Thats where we come in

The more you post and share the more youl find relation support & understanding

a lil over 2 weeks sober is amazing well done have you thought of trying a local Aa mtn a great way to find new sober friends or Secular recovery mtns such as smart or Rr

hang on your doing great

Relapse is part of my addiction not part of my recovery

Dee74

hi escape
Fear of relapse is pretty common I think - I know it was with me.

The way I reconciled it was to consider that it was my arm that raised the glass or bottle to my lips...I was in control of whether that happened again or not.

I chose not.

There's no power can make you drink if you choose not to.

Sure stress is hard but you'll learn to deal with that sober too - you may find yourself less stressed in fact,. I know I do

Some day were hard, but it got easier.

My advice is to do all you can to help yourself - use the support you have - if it's not enough find more...

and don't be afraid to make changes in your life to reflect your commitment to staying sober - if you have to avoid bars, parties and get togethers for a while, then do it.

D

SoberLeigh

Try to ignore the statistics, escape; they are only numbers. Commit to sobriety in this moment and the next . . . . Deal with today and only today; tomorrow will become a new today.

You definitely have a lot on your plate (but it sounds like there's good and positive stuff in the mix - new home, school) - the details will fall into place. Step back and take a look at all the goodness.


As for support systems, maybe give SR a try for awhile. I have found the members here to be wonderfully supportive and understanding.

Breathe, escape, breathe.

Congratulations on two sober weeks; that's huge.

SoberLife90

I agree with soberleigh...those are just numbers. That doesn't mean your going to relapse during your first 4 years at all...so don't feel hopeless. After I got clean the doctor at the treatment center had put me on Neurontin. It was supposed to help me with the anxiety that I was having. I took it for 2 months after I got out of treatment and it made my life so much easier. Helped calm my nerves for a few months before I no longer needed it...and could just over come my anxiety by myself. Maybe you could ask your doctor. I would not let your doctor give you any narcotics for your anxiety though...that would not have worked for myself. I would stay away from all narcotic drugs. Anyways good luck. Hang in there you will adapt and things will get easier. You are actually feeling stress that happens in life...that's not dulled down by booze or drugs.

Fly N Buy

Breathe! Literally - try some basic meditation. You can find some videos on youtube. It will slow your racing mind and the world down instantly. Try it !

You are off to a great start! In a short time you'll view things much differently and be so happy and proud you worked through this.

Forget the stats - most are not accurate and really unknown. Successful sober people don't take polls! They just live life....

One day at a time - you'll see it can be done.
Keep posting and slowww down.

Btw - it's NOT your fault!! Think of it as an allergy - many understand this.
Stay your course. Go check out some group meetings in your area. Many utilize outside support as well as SR.

Fly

silentrun

I feel like our experiences are pretty similar. I think the fear of relapse is normal. I know I was scared witless I couldn't pull this off. It's probably good in a way that you are taking this as seriously as you are. My husband doesn't have a drinking problem either so he doesn't understand. I just have been using this site. I have noticed many people who have to stay sober through stressful life changing events. Just keep coming here and putting your thoughts out there. String days together one at a time.
This is me at 5 weeks. Today I can tell you I will do whatever I have to not let myself go back there.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ew-member.html

bunnezjp

I know it may not be easy for you, but don't pay attention to the numbers. The stats are not YOU. You are a statistic of one. As for your school stuff, it will all work out. Find a way to decompress, meantime. We are all rooting for you and congrats on two weeks.

Bunnez

escapethecycle2

So things get easier as I go? Are you much happier now that you've been sober for a long as you have? What positive differences have you noticed? Physically and mentally?

escapethecycle2

Thanks for taking the time to make me feel better. I appreciate it so very much.

escapethecycle2

Thank you for some sense. I agree with you. I just want to get my life back, and I feel like sobriety is the only way. I'm just up against horrible anxiety, so I feel drained sometimes. I was so unbelievably happy up until today and I am not sure if I'm feeling normal things today.

escapethecycle2

It's hard for me to explain this, but I have something against relying on something to pull me through this. For me personally, I feel responsible for this tough battle back into reality. I'm not looking to beat myself up, but I have this idea that if I can't feel myself fighting, then I'm not strong.

escapethecycle2

Thank you for that. It has been sort of easy for me and today I want to hide in a cave away from the world. I'm getting a flood of feelings and it's terrifying me.

escapethecycle2

What I just realized is that I've never said to a person in real life, "I am an alcoholic" I made this extremely personal because of my social anxiety. I am pretty sure that the social anxiety happened over the span of five years of hard drinking. I am looking forward to facing someone and admitting it. It just seems so agonizing.

Fly N Buy

Just don't feel shame, because there is none. We are all to be congratulated for making positive changes in our lives. My pride kept me away from help I needed for way too long. I finally had to ask for help and let go. After I did, life became much easier.

For me in hindsight, not asking or seeking whatever help I need was selfish. Again, full of pride - sometime resembling self pity!

We alcoholics are an interesting breed!

fly