Resigning as General Manager of the Universe.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Resigning as General Manager of the Universe.
That's one of Dee's classics, and it has resonated with me ever since I first read it.
I've just spent a week at my Sacred Sanctuary by the Sea. With my groom of 19 years. Just him and me. Something we haven't even attempted since our honeymoon.
When we left, we were stressed beyond all human comprehension. He had gone so far off the deep end, that at dinner the night we arrived, he couldn't stop weeping. Which of course, started my waterworks. We are in our 40's. Life is good, but oh so damn complicated, as we watch our parents age into helplessness, and begin to process the concept of an empty nest.
I had zero desire to drink. None. Blessing of blessings. But I also had zero stress. I left it all at the gate a Ohare.
For the first time in I don't remember how long, I wasn't obsessed with my mothers impending demise, my daughters bizarro moody neediness, my business' lack of, well, everything. For once, I could focus all of my time and energy on healing my whacked out nerves and giving whatever was left to the true companion of my lifetime.
This is a very VERY foreign place for me. All my life, I've been a stellar Codie, and an even better neurotic. To say that I'm ready to cash it all in and go rogue and just live on love and gulf shrimp is an understatement.
I'm ready to get off of the merry go round. And like john Lennon, just watch the wheels go round and round...
I would spend my days walking the sea, volunteering, acting and directing local theatre, exploring the arts. I would ride my cruiser bike around the island and just "Be". And they have AA there, so I could make instant friends.
I am convinced now, that my stressors drive me to drink. Period. I don't drink when Im bored, can easily forgo it when I'm at peace and living in my truth.
I know I have a ways to go because I would never leave my mother to fend for herself in her advanced age. I couldn't bear the guilt and that would cause me to drink.
But whoa Nelly, am I ever ready.
Thanks for letting me share my newfound understanding.
Of me.
XO AO
I've just spent a week at my Sacred Sanctuary by the Sea. With my groom of 19 years. Just him and me. Something we haven't even attempted since our honeymoon.
When we left, we were stressed beyond all human comprehension. He had gone so far off the deep end, that at dinner the night we arrived, he couldn't stop weeping. Which of course, started my waterworks. We are in our 40's. Life is good, but oh so damn complicated, as we watch our parents age into helplessness, and begin to process the concept of an empty nest.
I had zero desire to drink. None. Blessing of blessings. But I also had zero stress. I left it all at the gate a Ohare.
For the first time in I don't remember how long, I wasn't obsessed with my mothers impending demise, my daughters bizarro moody neediness, my business' lack of, well, everything. For once, I could focus all of my time and energy on healing my whacked out nerves and giving whatever was left to the true companion of my lifetime.
This is a very VERY foreign place for me. All my life, I've been a stellar Codie, and an even better neurotic. To say that I'm ready to cash it all in and go rogue and just live on love and gulf shrimp is an understatement.
I'm ready to get off of the merry go round. And like john Lennon, just watch the wheels go round and round...
I would spend my days walking the sea, volunteering, acting and directing local theatre, exploring the arts. I would ride my cruiser bike around the island and just "Be". And they have AA there, so I could make instant friends.
I am convinced now, that my stressors drive me to drink. Period. I don't drink when Im bored, can easily forgo it when I'm at peace and living in my truth.
I know I have a ways to go because I would never leave my mother to fend for herself in her advanced age. I couldn't bear the guilt and that would cause me to drink.
But whoa Nelly, am I ever ready.
Thanks for letting me share my newfound understanding.
Of me.
XO AO
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by alphaomega 
That's one of Dee's classics, and it has resonated with me ever since I first read it. I've just spent a week at my Sacred Sanctuary by the Sea. With my groom of 19 years. Just him and me. Something we haven't even attempted since our honeymoon. When we left, we were stressed beyond all human comprehension. He had gone so far off the deep end, that at dinner the night we arrived, he couldn't stop weeping. Which of course, started my waterworks. We are in our 40's. Life is good, but oh so damn complicated, as we watch our parents age into helplessness, and begin to process the concept of an empty nest. I had zero desire to drink. None. Blessing of blessings. But I also had zero stress. I left it all at the gate a Ohare. For the first time in I don't remember how long, I wasn't obsessed with my mothers impending demise, my daughters bizarro moody neediness, my business' lack of, well, everything. For once, I could focus all of my time and energy on healing my whacked out nerves and giving whatever was left to the true companion of my lifetime. This is a very VERY foreign place for me. All my life, I've been a stellar Codie, and an even better neurotic. To say that I'm ready to cash it all in and go rogue and just live on love and gulf shrimp is an understatement. I'm ready to get off of the merry go round. And like john Lennon, just watch the wheels go round and round... I would spend my days walking the sea, volunteering, acting and directing local theatre, exploring the arts. I would ride my cruiser bike around the island and just "Be". And they have AA there, so I could make instant friends. I am convinced now, that my stressors drive me to drink. Period. I don't drink when Im bored, can easily forgo it when I'm at peace and living in my truth. I know I have a ways to go because I would never leave my mother to fend for herself in her advanced age. I couldn't bear the guilt and that would cause me to drink. But whoa Nelly, am I ever ready. Thanks for letting me share my newfound understanding. Of me. XO AO
I am convinced now, that my stressors drive me to drink. Period. I don't drink when Im bored, can easily forgo it when I'm at peace and living in my truth. I know I have a ways to go because I would never leave my mother to fend for herself in her advanced age. I couldn't bear the guilt and that would cause me to drink. But whoa Nelly, am I ever ready. Thanks for letting me share my newfound understanding. Of me. XO AOI went on a vacation for a week this summer and (like you) didn't think of drinking once either! But the moment I got back I went to the bar and drank!!! I didn't even make it home first!
What does this tell you? I'm not sure what it tells me? I guess it tells me I don't know how to cope with life on life's terms. Not really sure but awareness is the first step. Glad you had a nice time on your vacation and learned more about yourself!
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