Strange Sensation
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
Strange Sensation
I am coming up to 4 months sober.
It's hard for me to explain why I drank. Basically I have always been quite shy and I drank as a way to deal with my anxieties and to cope with people (my mom especially). I did most of my drinking locked away in my bedsit, hating myself. Despising myself really. I never felt like I fitted in anywhere and I always felt like the outsider. I felt I was worthless.
Anyway, today myself and my dad went to the local village for a coffee and to read the newspapers. One of my favourite things to do when I am out and about is to "people-watch"...I love to sit and watch people and make up stories about them in my head. Airports are the best for this, but train and bus stations and coffee shops are good as well. (I know I sound like a weird stalker but I am really not! Actually my therapist said something to me last week, we were talking about my shyness and he said "yes, I realised long ago that you are a reserved person, but the thing that struck me most about you is how observant you are. The first time we met I could see you taking everything in!")
Anyway it's raining here today and the coffee shop was packed with people, families, kids. Then the door opened and a couple came in and sat down at a free table. I noticed them straight away because they just had this "glow" about them. The girl in particular looked so healthy and "shiny". Not make-up shiny. More outdoorsy and full of joy. They ordered two hot chocolates and he began feeding her his marshmallows. I thought they might be newly-weds because they were just beaming! (This was in contrast to the married couple with three little girls under 5 at the next table who barely looked at each other).
Anyway, I looked at them for a moment and then I had a thought: I deserve to be that happy. I deserve to be so joyful. I got up to go to the bathroom to wash my hands as I had newsprint on them and I felt this strange sort of heat in my chest. My heart was thumping and the warmth spread to my fingers and down to my toes and I grinned at myself in the mirror.
Ah...self love. I have been waiting for you for a long time.
It was like an awakening.
I think it was a good sign. I start my new job in two weeks.
Continuing with the theme of self respect, I have just returned from a walk and I am about to sit down with a banana and a cup of green tea. My body and my spirit are my temple.
I am no longer going to poison myself with alcohol or self hatred.
It's hard for me to explain why I drank. Basically I have always been quite shy and I drank as a way to deal with my anxieties and to cope with people (my mom especially). I did most of my drinking locked away in my bedsit, hating myself. Despising myself really. I never felt like I fitted in anywhere and I always felt like the outsider. I felt I was worthless.
Anyway, today myself and my dad went to the local village for a coffee and to read the newspapers. One of my favourite things to do when I am out and about is to "people-watch"...I love to sit and watch people and make up stories about them in my head. Airports are the best for this, but train and bus stations and coffee shops are good as well. (I know I sound like a weird stalker but I am really not! Actually my therapist said something to me last week, we were talking about my shyness and he said "yes, I realised long ago that you are a reserved person, but the thing that struck me most about you is how observant you are. The first time we met I could see you taking everything in!")
Anyway it's raining here today and the coffee shop was packed with people, families, kids. Then the door opened and a couple came in and sat down at a free table. I noticed them straight away because they just had this "glow" about them. The girl in particular looked so healthy and "shiny". Not make-up shiny. More outdoorsy and full of joy. They ordered two hot chocolates and he began feeding her his marshmallows. I thought they might be newly-weds because they were just beaming! (This was in contrast to the married couple with three little girls under 5 at the next table who barely looked at each other).
Anyway, I looked at them for a moment and then I had a thought: I deserve to be that happy. I deserve to be so joyful. I got up to go to the bathroom to wash my hands as I had newsprint on them and I felt this strange sort of heat in my chest. My heart was thumping and the warmth spread to my fingers and down to my toes and I grinned at myself in the mirror.
Ah...self love. I have been waiting for you for a long time.
It was like an awakening.
I think it was a good sign. I start my new job in two weeks.
Continuing with the theme of self respect, I have just returned from a walk and I am about to sit down with a banana and a cup of green tea. My body and my spirit are my temple.
I am no longer going to poison myself with alcohol or self hatred.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Nice, Tetra 
You know, writers are observant people watchers like that... do you ever write? Have you considered it? You mentioned making up stories about the people You sound like a natural writer.
You know, writers are observant people watchers like that... do you ever write? Have you considered it? You mentioned making up stories about the people
You sound like a natural writer.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I like people watching too Tetra
It was about the same time for me when I realised hey! you are worth fighting for!
It was a genuine revelation to me, but a welcome one.
I'm glad you're starting to feel that way too Tetra - awesome
D
It was about the same time for me when I realised hey! you are worth fighting for!
It was a genuine revelation to me, but a welcome one.
I'm glad you're starting to feel that way too Tetra - awesome
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,994
Hi Tetra,
I'm very happy for you! Things seem to be coming together for you. How wonderful that you are getting a start on the job ladder. Well done, you go girl! Best wishes from another Irish lass.
I'm very happy for you! Things seem to be coming together for you. How wonderful that you are getting a start on the job ladder. Well done, you go girl! Best wishes from another Irish lass.
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