Ellay

This is a term I see so many use, and I would say I used it as well. But, in my oh-so extensive sobriety time ( all 30-ish days) I am wondering how functioning I really was.
Sure, I got to work, but was hungover a lot of the days. Sure, I got to the gym, but could have worked harder.
I made sure that the house was kept after, but spent a lot of time drinking the afternoon away. I was doing the bare minimum with all aspects in my life, if I really thought about it.
I didn't drive drunk as my ex has lost his license due to DUI and I know the hell he is going through...but in my younger days I know I did drive when I shouldn't have.
I paid my bills. I have a solid relationship with my family. So does that make me any better than the person that has lost it all? Nope. High functioning is still just "existing" in my mind. Because the constant thoughts of alcohol and the next drink is what was consuming me.
Now, I am high functioning RECOVERING alcoholic

Soberwolf

Heloo

Congratulations on ur 30ish days sober time very awesome

strategery

Awesome job on working on your recovery Ellay!

Aellyce

This is completely relative. I think often people describe an addict with a job, decent income, a place to live, and perhaps some family, as "high functioning". The question is more, how well we really function relative to our potential and what we would like to get out of our lives. I fit that bill conventionally and superficially described as "high functioning" throughout the years of my drinking (with fluctuations), without major losses... but gosh how many great opportunities and meaningful activities I missed because I chose alcohol instead! Things may have looked relatively normal, but even the people who were in close connection with me knew that it wasn't normal, and definitely not what I am capable of. And I was really miserable inside. Would not call that high functioning in any sense that matters to me.

Good job on your sobriety

SoberLeigh

Good job on 30 days, Ellay.

Loved what haennie said about unachieved potential and missed opportunities; 'high functioning' isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Keep on working this, Ellay; you are doing really well.

HeadLump

Well done on 30 days, Ellay. That's a fantastic start, but it's insight like this which will really keep you sober. Good for you and thank you for posting so that others might benefit too

Ellay

Thanks for the responses. Headlump, thank you for your faith in me! I am really trying, and get discouraged to a point when I see others relapsing. I am more scared to think I could get to the point of picking up the next drink. I think that fear will keep me going for awhile. I dunno. It is such a mind game, isn't it?

HeadLump

Yes, indeed. But once I fully accepted that I could never have a normal relationship with alcohol, everything seemed to fall into place. I get little niggles now and again, but no super-strong urges. I'm still on my guard, though, and always will be

PurpleKnight

Great point Ellay!!

I saw myself as "functioning" when I first got Sober, but I can see now that I was maybe using it as a justification to continue drinking, I could rationale away the problem I had with alcohol if I could convince myself, well I haven't lost a job, lost my driving licence ect etc

In hindsight I realised I was only surviving or existing too, "functioning" was still putting a limit on my potential in life, taking alcohol out of my life saw a huge increase in my potential!!

luvmygirls

I've used this term before, too. And one of the most important things I've learned here is that "functional" is a stage of alcoholism, not a type. Sure, it's a stage that people can stay in for years, even decades (source: my parents) but it's not a matter of IF you slip further, it's WHEN. I started to slip back in August and it was gradual. First, I had people over and the house wasn't picked up. Then, I called out sick for work one day because I was hung over. Finally, I didn't take my son to baseball practice because I wanted to drink wine instead.

tommyinphilly

30 days is something to be really proud of. Great post also. When I was drinking I often thought of myself as high functioning. Since I've sobered up, I realized that most of those years are hazy.

anattaboy

Yup, it's a great word for the AV and it's always a comparison to further-down-the-ladder drunks. I'm not dead so I suppose I was functional. At times I think I was more "on" with the booze but it wasn't sustainable. Congrats on keeping the plug in the jug!

Ellay

Josharon, good point about it being a stage. I remember looking at xah and wondering how on earth he could even fathom the thought of a drink the next day following a night of boozing...then when I was having weekends of drinkfests 10 years later, I understood.

trachemys

As I remember "High-Functioning" came right before "Total Collapse" as far as I was concerned. It was just another lie I told myself.

Soberpotamus

Functioning implies surviving... but don't we all want to thrive? I mean, really. If you could have anything you want.. wouldn't you want the best for yourself? I've been caught in the rock and a hard place, where I've hoped to just make it out "ok" with minimal damage done. But if we can catch our breath for a few moments, do some reflection and a bit of self-examination... "functioning" just isn't the word that comes to mind

least

Yes indeed. "High functioning" is a stage of alcoholism, not a type of alcoholic. And it doesn't last forever. Sooner or later it will all come crashing down.


Congrats on the first of many sober months.

JanieJ

What an eye -opening thread. Never thought of it like that, but yes, I've always thought of myself as being high functioning.

Of course its a stage, now that I've heard that, it's so obvious.

Thank you, this thread is exactly what I needed tonight.

robgt350

Ellay

i was alot like you too. i was very high functioning, well i thought i was. i maintained a successful career and home life. but i looked back i think i was doing just the bare minimum possible while drinking as much as i can. since i stopped i think i have grown so much more.
congrats on day 30!!!!!

matilda123

In Drink: A Love Story, the author quotes another recovering person (a successful writer) who says yes, I was functioning, but it was like I was squeezing my creativity through a toothpaste tube. I love that! It is exactly what I was doing: I was functioning and, I suppose, "succeeding," but I'm excited to think about what I can achieve sober! 28 days on Tuesday!!!

SoIGotThatGoing

Anyone want to discuss when the lights go dim, and you get low functional alcoholic?