Berrybean

Am really pleased to say that I am 7 months and 4 weeks sober today. However, being around people that are drinking and behaving like ****s (insert expletive of your choice) is truly doing my nut in. At least when my partner speaks to (shouts at) me because of some tiny insignificant error on my part in front of a bar / restaurant full of people I managed to retain my dignity by not (a) yelling back, or (b) punching him in the face.
Am having a lovely 'quiet' morning where I'm carrying anger for last night and he is being indignant that nothing he would have said could ever be unjustified or embarrassing because he can't remember it happening. Oh well - at least I CAN remember what happened and it didn't turn into public showdown like would have happened in the past.

Sorry - just needed to get it off my chest. Will go for a walk and feel better soon.

*grumble grumble*

xx

Mags1

Hiya Beccybean, I bet you're sooo glad you ain't part of that anymore. Yay.

trachemys

Beccy, you're too kind.

Punch him.

Gilmer

I'm sorry, Beccy.

FeelingGreat

Beccy, you're a saint to put up with it. Truly, your self-control is amazing considering there was alcohol around.

sprout50

Vent away! Better to get it off your chest here than in some other manner.

Berrybean

Thanks people.

I'm feeling much better now, after a walk through the park; church service; reflection; music; lovely (sober) people; and a bacon sandwich and cup of tea on my return home (for both of us because I'm rising above 'it').

I need to remember to let go of my anger and grudges. Not to help those who they're against, but to keep ME sane, sober and happy. Anger saps too much energy. When I am completely calm and not running the risk of refuelling an argument I must remember to tell him that if he speaks to me that way when out in public gain he'd better make sure he's got funds and the ability to catch a train or taxi home as I won't be hanging around for him.

Gilmer

That is the correct response, I think!

sickofthiscrap

Being shouted at over insignificant errors isn't really normal in a relationship, even in a relationship with a drinker. This kind of reminds me of my ex boyfriend. How do you feel about your partner in general? Is he only like this when he drinks?

I don't know, I tend to think we aren't actually tethered to anybody in this life if we don't want to be.

Rachinator

Kind of reminds me of my H. He says I can only bring up what happened today and today only. Even though he will do it to me too. You are a saint for putting up with that. I think it is one of those I got you now. And then that justifies their idiocy and makes you look like the bad one in their eyes.

bunnezjp

To Thine own Self be True

Bunnez

Soberwolf

Nice to meet you congrats on your sober time

Berrybean

Yes - although he's a bit of a know-it-all generally though. I'm just glad that I was / am sober so it doesn't end up a full scale row like it would have done before. I just raised my eyebrows and quietly said "Do NOT speak to me like that!" and then moved away to speak to someone more civilized.

PurpleKnight

Hang in there Beccy!!

Berrybean

Nothing justifies my OHs idiocy. Today he is in denial that anything was said / happened. As far as I'm concerned I'm not bothering myself about how I look in his eyes when he is deliberately blinding himself.

TBH I'm sure that in the past I was just as much of a numpty, but I'm trying to change. One of the changes that's happened over the last 6 months is that I now realise that I deserve to act better so I can respect myself, and that I also deserve to be treated with respect by others. If / when they don't do that I remind myself to accept the things I cannot change, and save my energy for things I can change. And boy, there's lots I can change and need to change, so I'll be needing all my energy for far more important things than arguing and being upset with incoherent numpties!! Lol. xx