CindyO

I love how alcohol makes me feel. Confident, awesome. Day four of quitting because it's a lie. I hate it. My husband knows. Hate it. Day 4. Bad week.

Gilmer

Hang in there, Cindy.

PurpleKnight

Was it always awesome? or was there a reason for needing to quit?

This is what I needed to focus on in early Sobriety, life wasn't always great, those feelings were short lived and drinking every day to feel it was unsustainable, I needed to find my confidence and happiness from something other than in a bottle!!

Hang in there Cindy!! It gets better with more time!!

suki44883

Cindy, many of us didn't want to quit when it became evident that we really needed to do so. Alcohol doesn't make you confident or awesome. You are already those things. You just need to figure out how to let them shine without killing yourself with alcohol.

(((HUGS)))

Dee74

Whatever your addicted self is telling you it's a lie Cindy.

I know you want recovery

The first period of recovery can be rough but having support helps

why not join our Class of November support thread?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-2014-a-2.html

D

CindyO

I know. I know......We all know. Being smart and knowing that I'm an idiot and still knowing. Alcohol is a beautiful, beastly thing. Day 4.

suki44883

There is nothing beautiful about alcohol and being smart has nothing to do with addiction. It can take down the most intelligent of persons. You see attorneys, doctors, psychologists, professors, etc., who have fallen into addiction.

Please stop looking at alcohol as something you are missing out on. You aren't missing out on anything other than misery and more misery.

CindyO

Taking my three great dogs for a walk and watching a re-run of Modern Family after that. Modern Family and the Middle are my favorite shows. I do watch the Food Network and Top Chef. Too much TV but read way too late into the night on my IPAD books. Can't sleep. But no alcohol in the house. Might as well stay up late reading then drinking. But, I can't sleep. 2am is when I finally go to bed. Hate it.

CindyO

Agreed. Alcohol sucks. Damn. Why can't we all be "social drinkers" My parents actually are. One to two beers or wine glasses is it. That has always been it for them. Why can't we stop at that? I don't have a history but curious of what addiction comes from.

PurpleKnight

I had to really accept the way things are, not force myself to be what I wanted to be, a social drinker, and then work back from there, but instead work with the reality of things, I went round and round in circles for a whole year trying to be what I wasn't!!

The whys, the hows, the questions of how we got here, I needed to make peace with myself and part ways with alcohol to reclaim my life back on my terms.

If we even knew the answers to the questions, it doesn't change the fact that I can't be a social drinker!!

CAPTAINZING2000

From the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous

FOR MOST normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt-and one more failure.
The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did-then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen - Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!
Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, "I don’t miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a better time." As ex-problem drink-

ers, we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn’t happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.

LexieCat

Most of us drank because it did something for us--and it did, it really did, but something changes and it is never the same again. We have to find ways to feel good that don't involve the instant quick-fix we are used to getting from alcohol.

You will not always feel this way. Sober life can be WAY more awesome than drinking ever was, but it takes time and work to get there.

My favorite bit of advice for the newly sober is, "Expect to feel WEIRD. Expect it to STAY weird for a while. Don't let it throw you, don't let it discourage you. It doesn't mean you are doing anything 'wrong,' and it doesn't mean you 'aren't ready,' and it doesn't mean you can't do it." Weirdness is just part of the process of getting sober. It passes.

Soberwolf

Hi Cindy try this http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

LBrain

I didn't want to quit either. But I knew it was in my best interest. I never want to drink again, I can't because I'm not sure I'll be able to quit again. And if I drink, my world may come crashing down.
I love being sober now. I wish I would have known this a long time ago.

biminiblue

My sleep was terrible when I first quit. I would often take naps in the daytime when I would get overwhelmed or anxious. I didn't sleep through the night for weeks.


Staying up late doesn't work for me. I used to stay up late back in the day - 2AM, 3AM. Now I'm in bed by 9PM and up at 5-5:30AM. Everything works a lot better that way.

Hang in there, don't cave in to the misery again.

MelindaFlowers

Alcohol made me feel happy and confident in the beginning but then after I drank too much and for too long, it stopped working. Has it stopped working for you yet? Or is it still working?

Two glasses of wine used to be fun but the problem is our tolerance goes up so then I needed four glasses, eight, and even ten. No way we can drink ten and not feel like **** the next day.

I had to get more scared of continuing to drink than scared of a life without alcohol. Are you there yet?

SoberComposer

Keep at it Cindy! The beginning is the worst part but it gets better. This is the path to freedom and happiness! You can absolutely do this!!

MelindaFlowers

You can do this Cindy! We're here to help you.

MyTime86

It's not awesome it's all a lie, it's just a habit we got our self wrapped up in

liv1ce

I love getting high however it happens or whatever the vehicle. The euphoria is delicious and the depths of imagination that can be explored.........

If only I could but the despicable things that I do to get there are unacceptable. The self hatred and regret is intolerable.

I have tried and failed too many times to count. The memories of the feeling are magnetic and seem to avoid the negative aspects that are inescapable and so often repeated. In spite of repeatedly proving to myself that I cannot - in any fashion - utilize alcohol or drugs the magnetism remains but lessens with time and avoidance.

I am a very happy man without substances but there will always be that little niggle in the back of my mind - why not just one time.

Forever vigilant.