kellyt98

I am new here. I am trying to figure if my husband is an alcoholic? He drinks just about everyday and no less than a 12 pack at a time or at least 1/2 a liter of whiskey. He is not agressive he does not hide it. I have asked him to work on it and he tried but has started slipping again. He doesn't think it is a problem. I am starting counseling to trying and help me with this. But he doesn't know I am going. We have a 7 month old and I am trying to get this stopped before it gets worse. Many of his familes members are alcoholics and have destroyed their familes over it. I need help on trying to make sure I am not over aggrating. Thanks

wolflvr

I am married to an alcoholic to and by what you wrote it seems to me as if your husband does have a problem. If it wasnt a problem he would not drink like he does and knowing that it upsets you. You mentioned that he has family members that are alcoholics also, as far as I know it is hereditary. I would have a talk with him and see if maybe he is willing to go to counseling as well, if not you should keep going to help you. Its not fun living with someone who is an alcoholic as I know first hand but be as strong as you can for you and your baby. Good luck

Magichappens

Hi kelly,
If someone else's drinking is bothering you, you are in the right place. Whether someone is an alcoholic is not as cut and dried as a blood test. But if someone is drinking to excess, and it is effecting their family, the family needs support. That is what SR is for. Feel free to post, share, vent, or browse. There are many people here that are dealing with similar situations, and much experience in learning to cope. No one can make someone else stop drinking. We can only take care of ourself and get some support and understanding from people who know what this is like. If you have never attended Al-Anon, it is another great resource for families dealing with the effects of alcohol. Welcome and keep coming back. Hugs, Magic

Nightowl

Hi Kelly. I have been living with my SO for nine months now. In those nine months he has not gone one day without drinking beer. He drinks a 12 pack and up each day. one day he drank an entire case. That really freaked me out. About once a week he appears "drunk". He gets a little agitated and maybe a bit argumentative (he calls it getting on his soap box) but he is never abusive or nasty. He is in total denial about any drinking problem.

The main issue is that he drinks WHILE driving and drives under the influence quite often. He is a very cautious driver and has never had an accident. HE is usually home drinking...not out at bars. He thinks because he doesn't beat me, he is home every night, and he loves me...waht could possibly be my problem?

His father and two uncles and his sister and son are all alcoholics. It worries me. I worry for his health, our finances, etc....you name it -- I worry about it. I guess the most frustrating thing is the denial, the lack of control I have over it. It's frustrating cause I know the kind of person he COULD be. But I have no control over him. He moved out last week. We are still seeing each other but I am not sure for how much longer. I'm sad beyond belief. But then we had no children together. I felt I had no choice at this point.

big hugs to you.......take care

Dust Bunny

3 C's:
I didn't Cause it
I can't Control it
and I can't Cure it

Step one:
We have no control over alcohol and as a result our lives have become unmanagable

The first steps are the hardest. Learning that we have no power over another person's drinking (using) is an extremely bitter pill to swallow. It doesn't matter if he is an alcoholic or not. The fact is that alcohol is a problem in your life. Have you attended Al Anon? If not, I urge you to find a chapter or chapters in your area and start attending meetings. You will learn a lot about yourself as well as your alcoholic. Most importantly, he won't change until YOU change. The more you nag him about his drinking, the more guilt he will feel and the stronger the temptation to drink.

Change may take months, years, decades. Building a strong support system will help you through the roughest spots. Many of us "codies" tend to alienate our friends and family in an effort to focus our energy on "taking care of the family". You can best help your family by taking care of yourself first.

Keep comming back. Keep posting. There is help here if you want it.
*hugs*

moonkat

Hi Kelly, I am not sure what to tell you. Here are a couple of things. On the AA board there is a power post you can read to this effect, sort of a guide that a counselor would use to determine if someone has a problem with alcohol. The next thing is that the other ladies here are right , it is not you place to determine if he is a true alcholic, but if it is causing problems in your relationship, then you need to help yourself. There is nothing you can to to control his behavior, but you CAN change the way YOU react to it.

I have three children and two of them are small like yours. You need to make sure you are healthy and happy yourself so you can be the best mom you can be. I wouldn't advise anyone to raise their children in an alcoholic home, but then that would be the pot calling the kettle black, wouldn't it. Sometimes it hurts trying to explain why daddy is not here, or ignoring them, but I try that much harder to make them feel loved and taken care of.

Keep coming here, read the power posts and find an alanon meeting in your area. TAKE CARE OF YOU and your baby. HUGS to you.