i am so scared.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
i am so scared.
Well I did know one thing. Continuing to drink resulted is some pretty bad depression. I am overwhelmed with grief, and I am so depressed, drinking simply made the pain disappear for a moment, and return triple the pain. Day three clean.
Last night was also an eye opener. I think I saw myself in my niece. Drinking by 5:00, passed out or blacked out two hours later. Talk about not being present in your life. I can't tell you how last night has impacted my view on sobriety and what sobriety really means to me.
If I can't be drunk for a year to relieve this heartbreaking pain, how to cope. I'm scared. Im so scared who the next one of us is going to die and how. I get we have a "drop dead" date. I just never believed it would be one of us. Other people's sisters, mom, dads, bros, etc, but not in my family. I don't know what to do with this fear. How will my parents cope without my Sister living practically next door? How can I leave them here? Who will help them? Who will take my mom places? Will me dad ever get a break from taking care of my mom? Which one is going to leave me first? Then what happens to the other one?
I'm so scared I can't stop crying.
Last night was also an eye opener. I think I saw myself in my niece. Drinking by 5:00, passed out or blacked out two hours later. Talk about not being present in your life. I can't tell you how last night has impacted my view on sobriety and what sobriety really means to me.
If I can't be drunk for a year to relieve this heartbreaking pain, how to cope. I'm scared. Im so scared who the next one of us is going to die and how. I get we have a "drop dead" date. I just never believed it would be one of us. Other people's sisters, mom, dads, bros, etc, but not in my family. I don't know what to do with this fear. How will my parents cope without my Sister living practically next door? How can I leave them here? Who will help them? Who will take my mom places? Will me dad ever get a break from taking care of my mom? Which one is going to leave me first? Then what happens to the other one?
I'm so scared I can't stop crying.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,395
((((Raider)))) ♥
I'm sorry that you are feeling like this honey.
All I can tell you is that 6 days ago I felt some of this too.
I was so so scared...that I would die, that I was insane, that it was too late, that it was impossible.
It isn't.
Being sober again has made all of the difference.
A clear head helps some of that fear to subside.
And then of course you can talk to someone who will be able to help you through all of this.
Everyone here is with you.
Love Venus xx
I'm sorry that you are feeling like this honey.
All I can tell you is that 6 days ago I felt some of this too.
I was so so scared...that I would die, that I was insane, that it was too late, that it was impossible.
It isn't.
Being sober again has made all of the difference.
A clear head helps some of that fear to subside.
And then of course you can talk to someone who will be able to help you through all of this.
Everyone here is with you.
Love Venus xx
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,320
Not drinking will definitely help in the long run but in the more immediate term, have you thought of counselling Raider?
It might help you to make some sense of all that's happened recently and help you work through your fears?
D
It might help you to make some sense of all that's happened recently and help you work through your fears?
D
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
We cannot love without risking loss..
The pain in your heart is proof of how much you loved..the joy and comfort and laughter you were blessed with.
We must honour the loss of that which has been our joy and privilege.
Running from it is disrespecting..dishonouring....love. Weep with your whole heart then lift your face into the warmth of the sun.
Do not fear the loss of a love in future...that you are still blessed to hold today. Enjoy the unfolding story..don't skip to the end.
The pain in your heart is proof of how much you loved..the joy and comfort and laughter you were blessed with.
We must honour the loss of that which has been our joy and privilege.
Running from it is disrespecting..dishonouring....love. Weep with your whole heart then lift your face into the warmth of the sun.
Do not fear the loss of a love in future...that you are still blessed to hold today. Enjoy the unfolding story..don't skip to the end.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Raider, I am so sorry to hear that you drank and I know you feel awful, overwhelmed and sick with worry about your parents since you live far away.
There is help through social security and social services. You can set things up as their advocate for them to get help through many programs. (now I don't know how things work in AK, but my experience is NJ).
If your finances warrant it, you can also set up a private caregiver, even someone to stop over an be sure the meds are set up in a pill box for the week, check the fridge, check your parents to be sure that they are able to cook and eat for themselves, is the house clean, the laundry done (I don't know if anyone will understand your mother's stick method or the saran wrap thought--that stuck with me, to prevent cat hair).
You may have to spend more time there to ease your mind, plan a trip every 3 months?
There is help through social security and social services. You can set things up as their advocate for them to get help through many programs. (now I don't know how things work in AK, but my experience is NJ).
If your finances warrant it, you can also set up a private caregiver, even someone to stop over an be sure the meds are set up in a pill box for the week, check the fridge, check your parents to be sure that they are able to cook and eat for themselves, is the house clean, the laundry done (I don't know if anyone will understand your mother's stick method or the saran wrap thought--that stuck with me, to prevent cat hair).
You may have to spend more time there to ease your mind, plan a trip every 3 months?
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
R ,
I've heard some clever people call alcohol and drugs a delusion , my understanding of a delusion is something that on the surface gives us one thing whist actually giving us something else …
That's true for my experience with alcohol , i thought it gave me warmth and comfort , it actually gave me pain, disease and isolation . Once i saw it for what it was it became easier to deal with .
Life sounds like it's giving you and yours a rough ride i'm sorry for you , keep putting one foot in front of the other and just get through today , pray , cry , gnash your teeth , just get through ,
Bestwishes, m
I've heard some clever people call alcohol and drugs a delusion , my understanding of a delusion is something that on the surface gives us one thing whist actually giving us something else …
That's true for my experience with alcohol , i thought it gave me warmth and comfort , it actually gave me pain, disease and isolation . Once i saw it for what it was it became easier to deal with .
Life sounds like it's giving you and yours a rough ride i'm sorry for you , keep putting one foot in front of the other and just get through today , pray , cry , gnash your teeth , just get through ,
Bestwishes, m
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Raider, glad you are realizing drinking won't accomplish anything. There will be no positive outcome from taking one drink or fifty drinks. You know from your past sobriety that for those with this addiction, drinking is a selfish mechanism that we turn to out of associations we have learned in the past... when we are sad, excited, lonely, celebrating, or morning. Nothing positive or productive comes from an addict taking a drink. We no longer drink simply for the enjoyment, those days past long ago.
I'm glad you are realizing you are only disassociating yourself from reality when drinking. One day you are going to have to, and need to deal with this very real situation.
like Dee said, consider some type of grief counseling. This might help you deal with this tragic reality in a organized and productive way.
Good luck.
I'm glad you are realizing you are only disassociating yourself from reality when drinking. One day you are going to have to, and need to deal with this very real situation.
like Dee said, consider some type of grief counseling. This might help you deal with this tragic reality in a organized and productive way.
Good luck.
Hopeful
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 140
Raider,
I understand, so painfully well, how you feel. That horrible feeling of loss, of dread for who's going to "go" next, of how things can change with one phone call. My sister was 50 when she just didn't wake up in 2007. My brother had died four months before in a house fire and my mom died just 2 years ago yesterday. What I did (and what I'm afraid of for you) is that I tried to make it "okay" for everyone else and didn't take care of me. Thus, here I am. Alcohol became a real problem for me in the last 2 years since my mom died. It was so much easier (WRONG) not to feel my feelings. I can't encourage you enough to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF-feel your feelings, get some therapy, talk, cry, but DON'T DRINK. There are no guarantees of extended life for anyone. I remind myself of this but I can't dwell on it. I rely on God's strength ("I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me") and take one day at a time.
Praying for you...
I understand, so painfully well, how you feel. That horrible feeling of loss, of dread for who's going to "go" next, of how things can change with one phone call. My sister was 50 when she just didn't wake up in 2007. My brother had died four months before in a house fire and my mom died just 2 years ago yesterday. What I did (and what I'm afraid of for you) is that I tried to make it "okay" for everyone else and didn't take care of me. Thus, here I am. Alcohol became a real problem for me in the last 2 years since my mom died. It was so much easier (WRONG) not to feel my feelings. I can't encourage you enough to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF-feel your feelings, get some therapy, talk, cry, but DON'T DRINK. There are no guarantees of extended life for anyone. I remind myself of this but I can't dwell on it. I rely on God's strength ("I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me") and take one day at a time.
Praying for you...
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Glad to see that you realize drinking for what it is Raider. It the problem, not the solution. Drinking makes hurt worse. It make the depression deeper. It makes the dread more palpable each and every day.
What you need to immediately focus on is yourself. How your parents or other family members cope with your loss is not something you can control. You can be there to help of course, but not until you take care of yourself. Grief counseling might be a good idea, but you really, really need to get some sober time under your belt first. Drinking is the roadblock that is holding everything else back
What you need to immediately focus on is yourself. How your parents or other family members cope with your loss is not something you can control. You can be there to help of course, but not until you take care of yourself. Grief counseling might be a good idea, but you really, really need to get some sober time under your belt first. Drinking is the roadblock that is holding everything else back
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
You've received some fabulous advise/support from the wise people above. There's nothing more to say/offer but my love.
Keep coming back here. It & YOU are worth it.
I love ya, Raider.
Keep coming back here. It & YOU are worth it.
I love ya, Raider.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
Raider, I am so sorry for the loss of your sister and your struggles. I would try to not to think about what the future holds in terms of your parents. It is not ours to determine. Try and focus on yourself and be kind to yourself. My mom was able to find a person for my grandmother to help her when she was not around. Things will work themselves out. *hugs*
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,845
(((((Dear Raider))))).
I agree that grief counseling would be a good idea (and from someone who specializes in grief counseling). Also, a google search will result in some sites that offer some great information on the stages of grief and what to expect during each stage. I found a grief support group when I lost my son and found it very helpful (although, at first, I found it made it worse - realizing that I had "paid the price of admission" or the "membership dues" but eventually it became very therapeutic).
Funeral homes can sometimes give you information on bereavement services in the area.
I understand your fear as you look around and see dangerous behaviors in your family; you want to save them (but, as you know well, they must save themselves). You can only be there for them and set an example. Someday, your niece may think "Okay, Aunt Raider recovered; maybe I can, too".
We are with you, Raider.
I agree that grief counseling would be a good idea (and from someone who specializes in grief counseling). Also, a google search will result in some sites that offer some great information on the stages of grief and what to expect during each stage. I found a grief support group when I lost my son and found it very helpful (although, at first, I found it made it worse - realizing that I had "paid the price of admission" or the "membership dues" but eventually it became very therapeutic).
Funeral homes can sometimes give you information on bereavement services in the area.
I understand your fear as you look around and see dangerous behaviors in your family; you want to save them (but, as you know well, they must save themselves). You can only be there for them and set an example. Someday, your niece may think "Okay, Aunt Raider recovered; maybe I can, too".
We are with you, Raider.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,448
Hi Raider,
I'm sorry you decided to drink and I'm not surprised it's made you feel worse. Have faith that you can get through this.
I lived far away from my elderly parents and I felt guilt too. My Dad was a War Vet (WWII) and thus got a lot of benefits. He had a maid come in weekly and clean his condo. He had things paid for such as a walker, modifications to the bathtub/shower. He had Meals on Wheels every day. He could have gotten into an Assisted Living Home for Vets but he refused to move. I am in Canada, so I don't know whether that would be applicable to your parents, but it helped the situation for us.
I'm sorry you decided to drink and I'm not surprised it's made you feel worse. Have faith that you can get through this.
I lived far away from my elderly parents and I felt guilt too. My Dad was a War Vet (WWII) and thus got a lot of benefits. He had a maid come in weekly and clean his condo. He had things paid for such as a walker, modifications to the bathtub/shower. He had Meals on Wheels every day. He could have gotten into an Assisted Living Home for Vets but he refused to move. I am in Canada, so I don't know whether that would be applicable to your parents, but it helped the situation for us.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
i can now see just how lucky i am to have been in aa and a part of aa when it was my turn to watch my little lad die
i had to care for him 24 / 7 and watch him go weaker and weaker, it still sticks in my heart every day, i see his face and his tears, and his begging that he didnt want to die
yet somehow i didnt once think of running away or getting drunk
well i did want to run away but there was no one else that could look after my son only me plus i had other kids to look after so i really couldnt afford to collapse
but like i said if i hadnt of been around aa for the years i have been then i really would never of coped with it all and ended up running off to drink it all away
the drink will do nothing at all but make it all worse
you ask about your mum and dad who will take them out etc ?
the answer is you can look after them, there going to need you as they have lost there baby
same way as my kids needed me, i had to forget about my own pain and get on with focusing on everyone else who was hurting
it also helped me by doing that
i know its the last thing anyone would think of as if your like me it would be all about me how i am i going to cope etc and i wouldnt think about helping others etc
but this is were doing the opposite really does work
i am not a superman i am no different than you raidier its just i know and i am convinced just what drink would do to me
because i dont drink and i have worked hard on me and my selfishness i am able to try to put others first even when my world falls out
i couldnt go around the aa meetings for a long while after my son died as i couldnt bear to put up with people telling me how wonderful there life is and how wonderful there god is etc
so i stayed at home i had to give up work for a while to but i still kept in contact with some new comers i was helping and i had my other kids to look after so i was kept busy
in the end i did start to go back to aa as i know no matter how i feel about the god side of things i need aa and the people in it and they have always been there for me to direct my thinking
they were the ones who told me i had to stop thinking about myself and my own pain and start to think of others etc if i ever want to find some peace in my heart
and its really does work
so when your ready give it a try,
whatever you do dont pick up that first drink its not going to do anything and the worse thing is it can make you worse or the situation worse in many many ways
big hugs to you pam
i had to care for him 24 / 7 and watch him go weaker and weaker, it still sticks in my heart every day, i see his face and his tears, and his begging that he didnt want to die
yet somehow i didnt once think of running away or getting drunk
well i did want to run away but there was no one else that could look after my son only me plus i had other kids to look after so i really couldnt afford to collapse
but like i said if i hadnt of been around aa for the years i have been then i really would never of coped with it all and ended up running off to drink it all away
the drink will do nothing at all but make it all worse
you ask about your mum and dad who will take them out etc ?
the answer is you can look after them, there going to need you as they have lost there baby
same way as my kids needed me, i had to forget about my own pain and get on with focusing on everyone else who was hurting
it also helped me by doing that
i know its the last thing anyone would think of as if your like me it would be all about me how i am i going to cope etc and i wouldnt think about helping others etc
but this is were doing the opposite really does work
i am not a superman i am no different than you raidier its just i know and i am convinced just what drink would do to me
because i dont drink and i have worked hard on me and my selfishness i am able to try to put others first even when my world falls out
i couldnt go around the aa meetings for a long while after my son died as i couldnt bear to put up with people telling me how wonderful there life is and how wonderful there god is etc
so i stayed at home i had to give up work for a while to but i still kept in contact with some new comers i was helping and i had my other kids to look after so i was kept busy
in the end i did start to go back to aa as i know no matter how i feel about the god side of things i need aa and the people in it and they have always been there for me to direct my thinking
they were the ones who told me i had to stop thinking about myself and my own pain and start to think of others etc if i ever want to find some peace in my heart
and its really does work
so when your ready give it a try,
whatever you do dont pick up that first drink its not going to do anything and the worse thing is it can make you worse or the situation worse in many many ways
big hugs to you pam
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
