Are drug addicts con-artists?
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Join Date: Oct 2014
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Are drug addicts con-artists?
Last night I saw my therapist and filled her in on my (ex) boyfriend's relapse, him taking off and not contacting anyone for almost two weeks now. She has never met him but has never liked him based on the things I have told her. She counsels heroin addicts at a clinic and does not have anything even remotely positive to say about them.
I only started seeing her a couple of months ago when I learned my XBF was an addict and she spent every appointment asking me why I found him so appealing when he hid this huge secret from me? How could I be so in love with someone who was using more than half of our year-long relationship? I didn't even know the real him. How could someone so logical (me) be so illogical about this? She spent every week trying to talk me out of the relationship without directly saying LEAVE.
So now obviously the relationship is over. Last night she told me that I was duped (I was) and that he is a con-artist who was never really in love with me. That theory had never crossed my mind. He is the typical addict people-pleaser - charms everyone, people adore him and would never suspect his drug use, he was always bringing me flowers and telling me how much he loved me, I was the greatest, he wanted me to be his wife, blah blah blah. I asked her how he would benefit from conning me. I don't have any money, he stole $70 from me when he left last week but never anything prior to that. I don't have nice things he could steal, I don't use drugs myself, I am not an insecure or vulnerable person, I always called him out on his sh*t. I was just a normal person looking for a serious relationship. Her response was that "he is a sick person" and that's really all she said.
I know therapists don't know everything. And just because you got a degree in something doesn't make you an expert. They all have varying opinions and you shouldn't live your life solely based on the advise or opinion of one person. But how do you feel about this theory that most drug addicts (both active and in recovery, she claims) are actually con-artists who are incapable of having real feelings for people?
I only started seeing her a couple of months ago when I learned my XBF was an addict and she spent every appointment asking me why I found him so appealing when he hid this huge secret from me? How could I be so in love with someone who was using more than half of our year-long relationship? I didn't even know the real him. How could someone so logical (me) be so illogical about this? She spent every week trying to talk me out of the relationship without directly saying LEAVE.
So now obviously the relationship is over. Last night she told me that I was duped (I was) and that he is a con-artist who was never really in love with me. That theory had never crossed my mind. He is the typical addict people-pleaser - charms everyone, people adore him and would never suspect his drug use, he was always bringing me flowers and telling me how much he loved me, I was the greatest, he wanted me to be his wife, blah blah blah. I asked her how he would benefit from conning me. I don't have any money, he stole $70 from me when he left last week but never anything prior to that. I don't have nice things he could steal, I don't use drugs myself, I am not an insecure or vulnerable person, I always called him out on his sh*t. I was just a normal person looking for a serious relationship. Her response was that "he is a sick person" and that's really all she said.
I know therapists don't know everything. And just because you got a degree in something doesn't make you an expert. They all have varying opinions and you shouldn't live your life solely based on the advise or opinion of one person. But how do you feel about this theory that most drug addicts (both active and in recovery, she claims) are actually con-artists who are incapable of having real feelings for people?
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I think addicts are people who have problems that they need to work on. I would never tar all addicts with the same brush.
We have a forum for Friends & Families of Substance Abusers which might be helpful for you:
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
We have a forum for Friends & Families of Substance Abusers which might be helpful for you:
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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It's one person's opinion. Obviously this 'counselor' has a hard spot for addicts.
But rest assured, an addict is an addict and will use whatever means necessary to get their 'fix'. A con artist? Call it a learned behavior - my opinion.
But rest assured, an addict is an addict and will use whatever means necessary to get their 'fix'. A con artist? Call it a learned behavior - my opinion.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Well, I guess you would know best if you were in a relationship with him.
If you don't trust your therapist, maybe look for a different one.
Trust your gut in all relationships, even therapists. Some of them do have their own agendas and their own "stuff" to work through.
If you don't trust your therapist, maybe look for a different one.
Trust your gut in all relationships, even therapists. Some of them do have their own agendas and their own "stuff" to work through.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Chicago
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I don't know how your therapist could know if he loves you or not. Awfully presumptive of her.
But I do know that while I was a practicing addict I lied to, let down & stole from most of the people who I love & loved me. That is something that addicts do. So if he is an addict and you are in contact with him, he will do some or all of those things to you. All of the addicts & alcoholics that I've met in 11 yrs of sobriety have recognized & admitted to these things, and, if they stick with recovery, begun to atone for their mistreatment of others.
When/if he is in recovery for a while (months, or years better yet) it may be safe to check back in with him.
But I do know that while I was a practicing addict I lied to, let down & stole from most of the people who I love & loved me. That is something that addicts do. So if he is an addict and you are in contact with him, he will do some or all of those things to you. All of the addicts & alcoholics that I've met in 11 yrs of sobriety have recognized & admitted to these things, and, if they stick with recovery, begun to atone for their mistreatment of others.
When/if he is in recovery for a while (months, or years better yet) it may be safe to check back in with him.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
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Hmmm... sounds like pretty dubious therapist to me. An ethical, competent therapist would never pass judgement on someone and label them as "not liked" or a "con-artist." Furthermore, without meeting your ex-bf and bringing him in to the therapeutic relationship the therapist should be very careful what he or she says about them. The reason for this is, without hearing his side of things how does she know what you're telling her about him is accurate? No offense to you but in relationship issues it's pretty fundamental that one side of the story does not always equal truth. Also how a therapist could have nothing good to say about heroin addicts smacks of complete ignorance and/or lack of experience with heroin addicts on the part of the therapist. Lots of different people are heroine addicts - we are not our disease, we are people with a disease. (i'm an alcoholic but the same rules apply.) I'm with the folks who suggest a different therapist - she sounds clueless.
But to get to your question, not all addicts are con-artists. Some are, like any other group of people. Many narcissists (who also will tell you what you want to hear because they need approval from you that they are great people) are not addicts, but exhibit extreme selfishness. It's difficult to parse it out. A good therapist working with an addict will take the time to get to know a lot about the addict and the complexity of their addiction.
If you feel you want to work with someone on your past relationship with your BF, I would go to the American Counseling Association website (google counseling.org) and click the "find a counselor" link at the top of the page. Look for someone with a strong family counseling background - hope that helps!
But to get to your question, not all addicts are con-artists. Some are, like any other group of people. Many narcissists (who also will tell you what you want to hear because they need approval from you that they are great people) are not addicts, but exhibit extreme selfishness. It's difficult to parse it out. A good therapist working with an addict will take the time to get to know a lot about the addict and the complexity of their addiction.
If you feel you want to work with someone on your past relationship with your BF, I would go to the American Counseling Association website (google counseling.org) and click the "find a counselor" link at the top of the page. Look for someone with a strong family counseling background - hope that helps!
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Join Date: Oct 2014
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Thanks everyone. I agree that she is judgmental of heroin addicts. She even admitted that because she works with many at a clinic in the inner city, she is jaded. I'm sure she has seen and heard a lot of terrible things from those addicts.
I have attended Nar-Anon as long as I have been seeing her and they have a totally different stance on addicts. So when I see her, she fills my head with completely opposite ideas. I actually switched from a previous therapist to her, thinking she would be a little more open-minded and less condescending than my previous therapist. But she fills my head with so much doubt. I don't want my addict ex back in my life in ANY way, but I hate to think he never had real feelings for me.
I have attended Nar-Anon as long as I have been seeing her and they have a totally different stance on addicts. So when I see her, she fills my head with completely opposite ideas. I actually switched from a previous therapist to her, thinking she would be a little more open-minded and less condescending than my previous therapist. But she fills my head with so much doubt. I don't want my addict ex back in my life in ANY way, but I hate to think he never had real feelings for me.
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