Hope7726

Hi. I won't get in to extensive detail but my recovering addict boyfriend hasn't been seen or heard from since Monday of last week. It's obvious he relapsed - he told me he would stop by my house that night after his meeting but then he stopped returning my texts. At the same time he told his mother (who he has been living with) he was out watching MNF with NA people and would be home late. Then told her he was staying at my house. I realized after speaking with him for the last time that evening that he had stolen money from me when he left my house that morning. He had been in recovery since mid-August and before that he had been sober for more than 8 years.

I know this is something addicts do sometimes. They feel shame, don't want to face the consequences of their actions, just want to use and not deal with reality. His mom said many years ago before he got clean he would disappear for weeks at a time and always show up again when the money ran out. She is insistent on not calling the police. She hasn't called any hospitals but she checks online everyday to see if he has been arrested or is at the morgue. We do not believe he has photo ID on him, maybe not even a wallet, debit card, nothing. He does have his car and his mother is on the title. I have checked the city impound and traffic ticket websites and there are no records of his car.

I am sick over this and don't know what to do. I keep envisioning every worst case scenario and I am so afraid he is dead. After this experience I am ready to leave the relationship but without knowing where he is I feel stuck in this mess. I have not driven around looking for him but his mom has some. We don't know any of the people he uses with and no contact info on any NA people. His mom knows some places he used to frequent years ago and did drive around there. We know we cannot force him to get help, we just want to know he is alive. She is worried too but seems to think the best thing to do is nothing.

I guess I just need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing, advice perhaps if I am not doing the right thing, stories, anything. Thank you.

Anna

I would definitely call the police in this case.

Hope7726

Thank you. I actually did just call the police and inquire about the situation without filing an official report. The officer told me that if he left voluntarily they will not actively search for him. And if they do come across him and he appears to be safe and is not violating any laws, they do obviously do not have to take him into custody. And if he does not want anyone knowing where he is, he has that right and they don't have to tell us that they even talked to him.

So I guess I figure, what good is that?

anattaboy

Hope, have you seen the Friends and Family forums? They may have some tips. Welcome to SR.

Hope7726

I just noticed. Will repost there. Thank you.

FreeOwl

sounds like a frustrating and stressful situation. I'm sorry. I'm sure it feels helpless and - from what you've described - there's really not much you can do but care for yourself and hope that he surfaces safely.

Soberwolf

Good luck hope

Tall Dawg

Good luck

Dee74

Best wishes Hope.
D