Nonsensical

In January of 2013 my wife of 21 years gave me an ultimatum: figure this out or move out.

She is not an alcoholic (she rarely drinks), and she doesn't understand the addiction. She didn't care if I became a moderate drinker or a non-drinker, but the daily drunkenness had to stop. It wasn't a smooth ride, but it stopped. I don't drink. I never did, really. I never drank, I just got drunk. That is my relationship with alcohol. That's all I know.

Last night I came home from a class I am taking to find my wife on the back porch wearing a coat (she hates the cold), smoking cigarettes (she doesn't smoke) and drinking a HUGE glass of wine. I stepped out with her and raised an eyebrow as if to say, OK, what's this all about?

It was a culmination of work issues. She is an executive. In the past 2 months she had one of her managers commit suicide, another died of cancer, and yesterday she had to fire another. Her department is 3% off revenue and she is getting crapped on from above. It was too much and she needed a quick escape. She also wanted a drinking buddy. "There's wine in the kitchen", she said, "Help yourself."

WHAT?!? Permission? I haven't had permission in almost 2 years! What a golden opportunity!

Through the window I could see the half empty bottle of wine on the counter. It would never be enough. I would drink it and then go out for more. I played the tape to the end. Up late, hangover, hair of the dog, wasted weekend. This was never going to work.

If I thought I could have a glass of wine I would. If I learned anything in 25 years of hard drinking it is that I cannot. I passed this test.

I went to the kitchen and returned with a glass of water and some leftover Chinese food. I sat by her and let her vent. I fed my drunk girl some Chinese food and made her laugh. I made sure she drank some water and got to bed at a reasonable time. I might be the best drinking buddy ever - even if I didn't drink.

MIRecovery

Great job doing the right thing. There comes a point in our recovery where sobriety is the natural state and drinking just isn't an option

You may wish to remind your wife offering you alcohol is not in either of your best interests.

Congrats on another day sober

IOAA2

Hi and congratulations. Your processing was what I call “thinking the drink through.” It’s a great tool and works so often when we work it.

BE WELL

FeelingGreat

Nonsensical, what a test and what a great response. I had a similar moment when my visiting niece left cider in my fridge after she left. Like you, I looked a the 5 bottles, played the tape, and got them out of my house.

walkinganewpath

That's awesome!!

Hawks

Well played in all respects (including the tape)

Fandy

I think that you have come a long way from the neighbor's bushes.
way to go on being a true supporter and friend to your wife (who probably feels craptastic from smoking and drinking last night, I hate that yukky taste that permeates your mouth after one of those nights).

maybe you and she can come up with an enjoyable weekend to take her away from the work thoughts and give her some balance and stop the churning thoughts? no booze involved.

silentrun

Love it Baconboy. Drinking buddies a dime a dozen. You were a great husband!

least

I like that you're her (water) drinking buddy.

LDT

You are the kind of drinking buddy this former drinker wishes she had known a few years ago. Great job, non! The tape playing to the end works for me as well.

Marcher13

Nons, you were the best drinking buddy ever. I applaud you for the decision about your wife and for your smart thinking about your own issues.

Can I cruise in on this? 32 (can it be?!) years ago I had a similar situation over more protracted time. One of my colleagues was stabbed to death which was a wildly strange situation for Australia in the 80s. A week later another colleague drove his car into a brick wall which killed him.

This, being the 80s, no counselling was offered to us. We were schoolteachers and we were expected to cope. I was 27 and I didn't cope, I didn't know how to cope because nothing had prepared me.

Twelve months later my benevolent fabulous boss drowned in the surf. I wasn't even 30, three work colleagues were dead within 15 months.

You know what the hardest thing was? I was a school teacher and I had to cope with the kids, their grief, their puzzlement and my own. That was the start of my downward slide.

Mrs Nons behaviour is entirely understandable but, Nons, keep an eye on her. We "coping" women have our vulnerable side.

..................

And Nons, thank you for being open. You opened up what's being eating at me for 30+ years.

My best to Mrs Nons.

aasharon90

One glass, one bottle, one of any kind
of alcohol would never ever be enough
in this world to satisfy the craving for it.

Good Job..!!!!!

CelticZebra

What a situation to be in!!
What a great way to handle the situations or both yourself and your wife.
Fantastic to read this on all levels.
You should be feeling proud of yourself.
Well done.

Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself

Barnumb

You are a fantastic Husband and a good friend! Congratulations on staying strong and sober. way to go!!!

Alchemist1978

Way to persevere! Your wife needs you to be strong! Very inspiring!

LBrain

Outstanding non.

Olive1

Fabulous, Non!

Soberwolf

Well done Non

Croissant

What a lovely husband you are. That was really sweet.

I hope your wife's work problems improve soon too.

Mountainmanbob

It is a relief when we finally get to this point.
My wife usually has her little 1/2 to 1 glass of wine after work.
I never wanted to or could drink like that.

In seven years I have never entertained the thought of drinking.
For a guy like me that is some kind of miracle.
Bob

We wore out the privilege to drink.
It is good when we finally realize that.