There aren't very many people I can be friends with
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 301
There aren't very many people I can be friends with
As I get further into sobriety, I find it hard to meet people whose company I enjoy. Some of it is just practical, if someone is a great guy or girl but gets trashed in their spare time, we can't really hang out.
But it's more than that, the majority of people I meet just seem to have nothing about them. I'll try to talk about films, games, music, tv.... anything, and very few share anything in common with me. It's weird, I don't have particularly off the wall hobbies. It just seems I can't meeting people who like lager and football and nothing else.
I'm looking forward to my jamming session, hopefully I'll meet some people I have things in common with then. At the moment I do feel quite stuck for company.
No Relapse, No Surrender.
Tom.
But it's more than that, the majority of people I meet just seem to have nothing about them. I'll try to talk about films, games, music, tv.... anything, and very few share anything in common with me. It's weird, I don't have particularly off the wall hobbies. It just seems I can't meeting people who like lager and football and nothing else.
I'm looking forward to my jamming session, hopefully I'll meet some people I have things in common with then. At the moment I do feel quite stuck for company.
No Relapse, No Surrender.
Tom.
02.27.15 :): ▽VII△VIII
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: California
Posts: 2,802
I notice that too. It's hard to find people I genuinely like, trust, and enjoy spending time with when I don't have alcohol to help smooth them over. I guess we've had our beer goggles on. 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: East Coast U.S.
Posts: 153
Originally Posted by Briar 
I notice that too. It's hard to find people I genuinely like, trust, and enjoy spending time with when I don't have alcohol to help smooth them over. I guess we've had our beer goggles on.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 2,294
I can relate Tom, I have long felt I marched to that different drummer. Popular culture is not my thing, not into TV and the latest reality shows, pop music is a mystery to me, not a big sports fan either. Now I don't drink... so I have even less in common with the rest of the world.
My own worst enemy.
My own worst enemy.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Chiang Mai Thailand
Posts: 251
I'm like you, hard to meet friends. I'm retired in Thailand, do not drink and a vegan to boot. Most of the guys here in their 50s and 60 drink, smoke and eat lots of meat. Glad I have a sweet wife....she is my best friend.
For me it's better to be sober and healthy with not to many friend then drunk with friends I can't remember the next day.)
For me it's better to be sober and healthy with not to many friend then drunk with friends I can't remember the next day.
)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 14
I know I drank so much to get over my social anxiety. That's where I always struggle, being sober in any new situation ( not work or home). Only day 5 though so I won't stress about it too much, just be a hermit for awhile. 😊
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
My husband and I have our own
Harley Road King triked out and
all for safety, fun and comfort for
us to ride. Yes, just around the
corner from us is our Baton Rouge
Harley Store where we pass daily
and see many bikes and functions
going on.
However, neither of us really like
to be around all those people. Even
tho we know many of them, some
drinkers and those in recovery, we
still like quiet and just us hanging out.
We do enjoy traveling to Sturgis or
Daytona for bike week just to ride
amongst other bikers on the road,
and occasional chit chat with other
bikers along our journey.
Just being happy and content in our
own skins and in recovery and life,
I don't need many people to be around.
I get lots of joy and contentment with
my husband our bike and our little bit
of paradise in our backyard filled with
flowers, plants, birds and Faith in the
Man upstairs.
Harley Road King triked out and
all for safety, fun and comfort for
us to ride. Yes, just around the
corner from us is our Baton Rouge
Harley Store where we pass daily
and see many bikes and functions
going on.
However, neither of us really like
to be around all those people. Even
tho we know many of them, some
drinkers and those in recovery, we
still like quiet and just us hanging out.
We do enjoy traveling to Sturgis or
Daytona for bike week just to ride
amongst other bikers on the road,
and occasional chit chat with other
bikers along our journey.
Just being happy and content in our
own skins and in recovery and life,
I don't need many people to be around.
I get lots of joy and contentment with
my husband our bike and our little bit
of paradise in our backyard filled with
flowers, plants, birds and Faith in the
Man upstairs.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Briar
I notice that too. It's hard to find people I genuinely like, trust, and enjoy spending time with when I don't have alcohol to help smooth them over. I guess we've had our beer goggles on.
M-Bob
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
When under the influence of alcohol, everyone was my best friend. Everyone was so interesting to talk to. I could talk for hours about any topic with anybody. Now that I am sober, I find most people, including myself, to be dull haha.
Living Sober
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 555
Hey Thomasthetank,
I also feel what you're saying. In fact, this has been one of the more difficult hurdles for me to overcome. With booze, it seemed as if I could chat the day away about anything. You know, those 'go nowhere' conversations people have when they're buzzed? Just belly up to the bar and meet a new 'drinking pal' and before you know it, you seem to have a lot in common, and you even look forward to seeing that person again.
Once the booze stopped, so did any interest in many of these people. I learned that I really have nothing in common with most them after all, and in many cases I really don't even care for their company. Hence, my social life diminished very fast.
I do miss much of it, but I also enjoy how things are now as well.
I also feel what you're saying. In fact, this has been one of the more difficult hurdles for me to overcome. With booze, it seemed as if I could chat the day away about anything. You know, those 'go nowhere' conversations people have when they're buzzed? Just belly up to the bar and meet a new 'drinking pal' and before you know it, you seem to have a lot in common, and you even look forward to seeing that person again.
Once the booze stopped, so did any interest in many of these people. I learned that I really have nothing in common with most them after all, and in many cases I really don't even care for their company. Hence, my social life diminished very fast.
I do miss much of it, but I also enjoy how things are now as well.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: mountain states, Montana and Wyoming
Posts: 246
Triple T,
I have some extremely varied interests in life and have few friends outside of the drinking people. I like to garden, hunt, fish, invest, flowers, herbs, cook, smoke meats, football, basketball, politics, history, ww2 buff, middle and dark ages, survival, self reliance, travel and the list goes on. Yet when I try to relate to most people they just stare at me like I have a small amount of crap on my head. I don't get it and don't care anymore. I have a great wife and good parents and a few true friends. I have all but given up on meeting new people.
Like Lusher, I have little in common with my drinking friends, except getting drunk, so we don't hang out much anymore. I think it is better to be sober than with drunks, because regardless, you have the same amount of true friends. The sober part is cheaper, more productive and less hard on the body, mind and soul. Good luck.
I have some extremely varied interests in life and have few friends outside of the drinking people. I like to garden, hunt, fish, invest, flowers, herbs, cook, smoke meats, football, basketball, politics, history, ww2 buff, middle and dark ages, survival, self reliance, travel and the list goes on. Yet when I try to relate to most people they just stare at me like I have a small amount of crap on my head. I don't get it and don't care anymore. I have a great wife and good parents and a few true friends. I have all but given up on meeting new people.
Like Lusher, I have little in common with my drinking friends, except getting drunk, so we don't hang out much anymore. I think it is better to be sober than with drunks, because regardless, you have the same amount of true friends. The sober part is cheaper, more productive and less hard on the body, mind and soul. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 444
I feel like this ALL the time, mate.
This has been hard, hard, hard, and worse, it has really been BORING and uninspiring (for me).
Sending you the biggest hug, man. Truly, I am right there with you.
This has been hard, hard, hard, and worse, it has really been BORING and uninspiring (for me).
Sending you the biggest hug, man. Truly, I am right there with you.
Originally Posted by Thomasthetank
As I get further into sobriety, I find it hard to meet people whose company I enjoy. Some of it is just practical, if someone is a great guy or girl but gets trashed in their spare time, we can't really hang out.
But it's more than that, the majority of people I meet just seem to have nothing about them. I'll try to talk about films, games, music, tv.... anything, and very few share anything in common with me. It's weird, I don't have particularly off the wall hobbies. It just seems I can't meeting people who like lager and football and nothing else.
I'm looking forward to my jamming session, hopefully I'll meet some people I have things in common with then. At the moment I do feel quite stuck for company.
No Relapse, No Surrender.
Tom.
But it's more than that, the majority of people I meet just seem to have nothing about them. I'll try to talk about films, games, music, tv.... anything, and very few share anything in common with me. It's weird, I don't have particularly off the wall hobbies. It just seems I can't meeting people who like lager and football and nothing else.
I'm looking forward to my jamming session, hopefully I'll meet some people I have things in common with then. At the moment I do feel quite stuck for company.
No Relapse, No Surrender.
Tom.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Yup. I was feeling this last night, almost teary with it.
I know folks at work, I know folks at AA meetings - but I have almost no one in my life that I look forward to hanging out with, having adventures with, talking about the real stuff with. I have good friends in other places that I've lived who are drinkers, but who also share interests and perspectives, and still can call or visit with those people, but none of them live nearby (or even in my state); it is rare to see them in person.
I also have many and varied interests and hobbies, but most of the folks around me here are either heavy drinkers or family folk. I made a very good friend in the last couple of weeks, who I feel some connection with, but he has family, and so all of his upcoming plans/time off/holidays are with that family, and I am not that family. I understand this, and try not to feel isolated or sad within it, but I have no idea how to insert myself into folks' lives.
Have no answers, friend, but can absolutely understand. I sure wish I could have my SR friends over for food and game night! This is one interesting crowd!!
I know folks at work, I know folks at AA meetings - but I have almost no one in my life that I look forward to hanging out with, having adventures with, talking about the real stuff with. I have good friends in other places that I've lived who are drinkers, but who also share interests and perspectives, and still can call or visit with those people, but none of them live nearby (or even in my state); it is rare to see them in person.
I also have many and varied interests and hobbies, but most of the folks around me here are either heavy drinkers or family folk. I made a very good friend in the last couple of weeks, who I feel some connection with, but he has family, and so all of his upcoming plans/time off/holidays are with that family, and I am not that family. I understand this, and try not to feel isolated or sad within it, but I have no idea how to insert myself into folks' lives.
Have no answers, friend, but can absolutely understand. I sure wish I could have my SR friends over for food and game night! This is one interesting crowd!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: deepest england
Posts: 1,119
I know how u feel, I have work mates, family... But all my friends have gone ... We all have kids n jobs and as I haven't been out regularly for years, I don't really have any mates... But never mind, fake mates are what we don't need..... Maybe I was thinking of making a sober social, as there must be loads of us out there???
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 444
Originally Posted by heartcore
Yup. I was feeling this last night, almost teary with it.
I know folks at work, I know folks at AA meetings - but I have almost no one in my life that I look forward to hanging out with, having adventures with, talking about the real stuff with. I have good friends in other places that I've lived who are drinkers, but who also share interests and perspectives, and still can call or visit with those people, but none of them live nearby (or even in my state); it is rare to see them in person.
I also have many and varied interests and hobbies, but most of the folks around me here are either heavy drinkers or family folk. I made a very good friend in the last couple of weeks, who I feel some connection with, but he has family, and so all of his upcoming plans/time off/holidays are with that family, and I am not that family. I understand this, and try not to feel isolated or sad within it, but I have no idea how to insert myself into folks' lives.
Have no answers, friend, but can absolutely understand. I sure wish I could have my SR friends over for food and game night! This is one interesting crowd!!
I know folks at work, I know folks at AA meetings - but I have almost no one in my life that I look forward to hanging out with, having adventures with, talking about the real stuff with. I have good friends in other places that I've lived who are drinkers, but who also share interests and perspectives, and still can call or visit with those people, but none of them live nearby (or even in my state); it is rare to see them in person.
I also have many and varied interests and hobbies, but most of the folks around me here are either heavy drinkers or family folk. I made a very good friend in the last couple of weeks, who I feel some connection with, but he has family, and so all of his upcoming plans/time off/holidays are with that family, and I am not that family. I understand this, and try not to feel isolated or sad within it, but I have no idea how to insert myself into folks' lives.
Have no answers, friend, but can absolutely understand. I sure wish I could have my SR friends over for food and game night! This is one interesting crowd!!
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