The begging is killing me

Old 10-28-2014, 09:12 PM
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The begging is killing me

So...he got served the other day. The night before he begged me to come home. Nope. I stayed right here in normalville. With my pizza in bed and my damn cats. My son was at school. This was the 1st real private moment I have had since march. It was so nice to have quiet. Watch a show uninterrupted. Go to sleep at 9. Get up at 12 go back to bed. Watch tv. Fall asleep. Get woken up by cats. Go back to sleep. Cuddle up in my bed that feels like a cloud with my sleep machine on. The ocean or rain. Idk. Normal.

He showed up at my work today after a million texts about missing me and loving me and wanting me to come home. Demanding that I come home. Or what N? He didn't have an answer for that one. Thank god. He fake threatened suicide last night again. That's always fun!!! I told him I would call him as soon as I got out of work. This was at 4. At 505 when I had signal I called him. No answer. He's passed out drunk. I'm so glad I'm not there when he wakes up raging.

The begging. God. Stop. He just won't quit begging and we have to get his uninsured jeep he driving drunk out of my name and he is not cooperating. Soon I'll have to call police or something bc I don't want him driving while it's in my name. Then the phone situation and I would really like to get the paintings I have been working on back. All this while working and trying to find a therapist. I need one. This is madness.


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Old 10-28-2014, 10:21 PM
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Me too! Me too! This is my first real private moment since I moved out about a week and a half ago. The kids and I have been going back and forth a little bit. (Yep...begging) I'd be silly to say I'm not still trying to care take his feelings. I know it's not working.. but in some ways it is. Anyway...

I just wanted to second that it feels incredible, to be either awake or asleep at whatever time I want. If I want to go to sleep with the kids I do.. if I want to stay up til the weeee hours after they're asleep I can. There is no one here to tell me what to do, ask me why I'm doing it or make absurd accusations as to my motives. It feels so freeing.

I too have things left in my name over at his place. I want them out, but I don't even want to bring it up. But why? Why am I still laying the golden bricks in his pathway? Why do I seem to feel worse about hurting him than he does about all the years of BS he put me through?

It doesn't really matter... none of it does. I just wanted to second being in love with those first real moments of decompression.. alone-ness.. It's exactly what I've been craving!
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Old 10-29-2014, 04:13 AM
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Good for you and kudos for staying strong!!!

Might suggest you go ahead today and insure that jeep like, yesterday. I think all states require at a minimum liability insurance. Your license could be suspended for not maintaining insurance, and it may be already. Most of that is done electronically if your insurance is cancelled they notify the DMV immediately. Then YOU get to pay a nice hefty reinstatement fine. If he gets in an accident guess who gets sued? You. If he gets a DUI driving your vehicle guess whose insurance skyrockets through the roof - YOURS.

Calling the police to try and get him to "stop driving" isn't going to work. They can't make him stop driving. I suppose you could call them and warn them he is driving drunk and they might be able to catch him and put him in jail for DUI - which may or may not result in a very expensive ticket for you for not having insurance.

Cover yourself here - don't end up with a headache you don't want, need or deserve.
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Old 10-29-2014, 05:11 AM
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I am dealing with the begging as well. It is non stop, very annoying. But yes the freedom to be able to do what you want and when you want is amazing. No walking on eggshells, no tension, no one getting an attitude like a little kid. No one constantly watching every little thing I do, and yes the motives!!!!! The kids are my rock, they have made it very clear they WILL NOT GO BACK AGAIN. They actually are not as forgiving as I have been. I thank god for them everyday and we are doing great being away from AH. I am hoping it gets easier as time goes on.
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Old 10-29-2014, 06:12 AM
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He is giving me his moms info today to get the car out if my name. I can do it online so it will be pretty immediate that I'm no longer liable. The car wasn't drivable when it was registered so I don't have to insure it. It is drivable now. As long as this happens today I'm fine. He sent me a picture of a knife and said he was killing himself again this morning. It's 6 am here. Already it begins. I told him I was calling 911. He said don't he's not doing it just trying to get me back home. It's crazy. How is any of this logical in any way??? It's so sad this disease. And the begging continues. And then he wants me to go away but then sends 10 more texts. I bet I have enough to put him on a 72 hour hold. I almost think I should. He's a danger for sure. Maybe they could help him. Or maybe he will get out really pissed and come after me. Who know. He's in a bad bad place.
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Old 10-29-2014, 06:38 AM
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Why haven't you blocked him?

Is the annulment in the works?

He has serious issues M, that you are not equipped to deal with, and you do not need to be subjected to his craziness!!
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Old 10-29-2014, 06:48 AM
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He was served the papers finally. I think it took over 3 weeks. He has 30 days to respond. He won't. After that maybe 30 more days and it should be final. I'll go NC as soon as the car is out of my name today. I can't until that's done but threat of police involved got him going. He can't have police knocking on his door right now and he knows it. I have a key to the jeep. If I don't get the info today I'm going in the middle of the night and getting it. I'll give it back when it's out of my name. It's dangerous either way. I'm smart. I'll be careful. I know him as well as he knows me so I know what behavior to expect most of the time. It's all quacking. Every bit of it. I'm really starting to see things clearly now. Car out of my name. No contact. He wants me to leave him alone now. The texts stopped. I have no problem with that.
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Old 10-29-2014, 07:35 AM
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Originally Posted by mischa1 View Post
He is giving me his moms info today to get the car out if my name. I can do it online so it will be pretty immediate that I'm no longer liable.
Can you put it in her name? Why not in his name? Have you talked to his mom about this?

I really like the idea of you getting the car until the paperwork is completed and you have no liability.
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Old 10-29-2014, 07:56 AM
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What worked for me dealing with the car in my name was that I allowed him to drive the car a short distance and called the police. When they found out he was drinking they took the keys and gave them to me. He was not legally intoxicated but they would not allow him to drive. Instead, he was taken home in the back seat of a police car. He went to detox 2 days later.
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Old 10-29-2014, 07:57 AM
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I am so sorry. That is a terrible ride to be on. Glad you get to get off the crazy train soon!
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Old 10-29-2014, 07:59 AM
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His mom is fine with it being in her name. She gives him everything he wants. She has nothing. She's old and sick but still insists on babying him. You want...you got it.

I will go to the police today. He leaves me no choice.
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