21 days sober: an inventory
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,327
21 days sober: an inventory
As of today, I have been alcohol free for 21 days and already I’ve noticed a lot of changes. I just want to record them here for myself so that I don't forget.
I sleep: Not perfectly, but at least now when I wake up, I can fall back to sleep. When I was drinking I’d wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake for hours, falling asleep, usually, 45 minutes before I had to get up.
I dream: Not all these dreams are good. Many are actually quite disturbing as childhood stuff comes bubbling back to the surface. But it wasn’t until I stopped drinking that I realized that I wasn’t dreaming (or at least wasn’t remembering those dreams). That can’t be a good thing.
I experience feelings: Again, this isn’t all pleasurable. But I’m just now beginning to see how many good feelings I was cutting myself off from by trying to numb myself against the tough feelings.
I experience serenity: I have a stressful job (one of the reasons, I think, I drink). But since I’ve stopped drinking I’ve noticed that while the job hasn’t changed, my response to that stress has. The other day folks were getting uptight at a meeting, and I was able to sit and listen and also help diffuse the tension after a few moments. I can manage healthy detachment at a level I couldn’t when I was drinking.
I experience joy: I’m walking around with a goofy grin. Others have noticed and have commented on my happiness (many of them are unaware of my drinking issues).
I realize that I can’t do as much as I thought I could: Sober me cannot do as much as drinking me, in part because I won’t push myself to exhaustion at work or at home like I used to and then drink as a way to quickly turn off.
And yet: Sober me can do so much more. I have a lot more energy and my focus is so much better.
I experience gratitude: For my partner, my dogs, the unbelievably beautiful sunrise on the water this morning…I feel like I just notice and appreciate things more.
Thank you, to all of you, for your sharing and support. I know that I have some big hurdles ahead of me (bring on the holidays and the alcoholic family members) but I feel I’m off to a good star
I sleep: Not perfectly, but at least now when I wake up, I can fall back to sleep. When I was drinking I’d wake up in the middle of the night and stay awake for hours, falling asleep, usually, 45 minutes before I had to get up.
I dream: Not all these dreams are good. Many are actually quite disturbing as childhood stuff comes bubbling back to the surface. But it wasn’t until I stopped drinking that I realized that I wasn’t dreaming (or at least wasn’t remembering those dreams). That can’t be a good thing.
I experience feelings: Again, this isn’t all pleasurable. But I’m just now beginning to see how many good feelings I was cutting myself off from by trying to numb myself against the tough feelings.
I experience serenity: I have a stressful job (one of the reasons, I think, I drink). But since I’ve stopped drinking I’ve noticed that while the job hasn’t changed, my response to that stress has. The other day folks were getting uptight at a meeting, and I was able to sit and listen and also help diffuse the tension after a few moments. I can manage healthy detachment at a level I couldn’t when I was drinking.
I experience joy: I’m walking around with a goofy grin. Others have noticed and have commented on my happiness (many of them are unaware of my drinking issues).
I realize that I can’t do as much as I thought I could: Sober me cannot do as much as drinking me, in part because I won’t push myself to exhaustion at work or at home like I used to and then drink as a way to quickly turn off.
And yet: Sober me can do so much more. I have a lot more energy and my focus is so much better.
I experience gratitude: For my partner, my dogs, the unbelievably beautiful sunrise on the water this morning…I feel like I just notice and appreciate things more.
Thank you, to all of you, for your sharing and support. I know that I have some big hurdles ahead of me (bring on the holidays and the alcoholic family members) but I feel I’m off to a good star
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,327
Thank you, Huntingtontx, but it is important that I remind myself that I don't have a handle on this. I've been down this road before, and my AV will convince me that I now I can "moderate"--that I've proven that I can not drink. But in the end, I end up back where I was before.
One thing I am doing this time, which I haven't done before, is revealing to a few folks that I'm not drinking. Some of them, I suspect, knew that I had a drinking problem; others, probably no idea. But it helps to go public. Also, I lost 30 pounds this year, so I can always frame it in terms of a new healthy lifestyle if I don't want to reveal too much!
One thing I am doing this time, which I haven't done before, is revealing to a few folks that I'm not drinking. Some of them, I suspect, knew that I had a drinking problem; others, probably no idea. But it helps to go public. Also, I lost 30 pounds this year, so I can always frame it in terms of a new healthy lifestyle if I don't want to reveal too much!
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