Thoughts on 2 years
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
Thoughts on 2 years
It was two years ago that, with a thousand emotions at once, I threw the last dregs of my last drink into the sink. I wanted to say thank you to all who post here, and also to offer a few thoughts that might help someone at the point of desperation:
1. You are not alone: This was the first lesson I learned in early recovery. I hid my drinking fairly well, which meant that drinking was a solitary experience for me, an isolating one. I found myself confused by the place I found myself, and without anyone to turn to I was, frankly, afraid. When I came to SR I realized that I was far from alone. I and others had a similar experience with the message of AA. In fact, I was a member of a worldwide community and the similarity between our experiences was shocking. I could go through posts on SR like a checklist: yep, done that… felt that… wondered that… thought that… said that. This was the first and most profound step in my journey, the realization that I was not in this fight alone, but had friends and guides, brothers and sisters in arms, on every continent of the world.
2. Make specific changes: Addiction thrives on habit and routine, and keeps you on an established path to maintain its grip over you. Make conscious and concrete changes to your life. Do not go to see that person who has access to drugs. Do not drive the quick way home if it takes you past the liquor store. If you have a “place” in which you like to drink, go somewhere else. Go to a meeting, even if the thought fills you with fear. Start a treatment program. People on SR often talk about having a “plan” – so make a plan. If it does not work, change it again until it works. Do something different, whatever it takes, and when you hear a voice in your head saying, “Yes, but you can’t change that…” then change it.
3. Have hope: One of my favorite recovery quotes comes from David Carr’s memoir of drug addiction, The Night of the Gun: “The chronicity of addiction is really a kind of fatalism writ large. If an addict knows in his heart he is going to use someday, why not today? But if a thin reed of hope appears, the possibility that it will not always be so, things change. You live another day and then get up and do it again. Hope is oxygen to someone who is suffocating on despair.” Our addictive voice loves to convince us that there is no hope, that relapse is inevitable, that so few make it, so even why try at all… But that is a lie. Look around you, and you will see examples of healthy individuals in long term recovery. Sometimes it may not even be obvious to you who they are! Very few people in my life outside my immediate family, for example, would know that I am a success story. Read on SR and see the evidence with your own eyes: members who have years and years of solid sobriety. Another common thought for many newcomers is the following: “That’s all very well for you Deckard, and congratulations, but your circumstances are not mine and I can’t get there.” Again, recognize that as the lie that it is. It IS possible to get better; it is freely available to anyone and everyone, and once you realize that -- even as a remote or abstract possibility -- you are on your way.
4. Practice honest reflection: I found that the changes that accompanied recovery have been profound and far reaching, and they remain ongoing. Some recovery methods, of course, make this part of the "stepwise" process of getting better. Regardless, if drinking or other addiction is at the center of your life, then by definition your life is going to change. Make this an opportunity to grow as a person. Over the past two years I have become far less likely to worry about pleasing others. I am no longer afraid of being wrong. I am no longer afraid in general. I no longer think that the smooth functioning of the world depends on my interventions. I have returned to my faith. I treasure every moment I have, especially with my family, because I know how close I came to losing them. I have found a peace that eluded me for my entire life. Your mileage may vary, but I would suggest that recovery is not simply an encumbrance to be borne with: it is a rare opportunity to rebuild what needs rebuilding in your life. So look honestly at things. Consciously reflect. Don’t rush, but be prepared for new perspectives and ideas when they come.
You all have my profound gratitude for your support and wisdom. I knew from the very first time I came to SR that I would be OK. And that remains true to this day.
1. You are not alone: This was the first lesson I learned in early recovery. I hid my drinking fairly well, which meant that drinking was a solitary experience for me, an isolating one. I found myself confused by the place I found myself, and without anyone to turn to I was, frankly, afraid. When I came to SR I realized that I was far from alone. I and others had a similar experience with the message of AA. In fact, I was a member of a worldwide community and the similarity between our experiences was shocking. I could go through posts on SR like a checklist: yep, done that… felt that… wondered that… thought that… said that. This was the first and most profound step in my journey, the realization that I was not in this fight alone, but had friends and guides, brothers and sisters in arms, on every continent of the world.
2. Make specific changes: Addiction thrives on habit and routine, and keeps you on an established path to maintain its grip over you. Make conscious and concrete changes to your life. Do not go to see that person who has access to drugs. Do not drive the quick way home if it takes you past the liquor store. If you have a “place” in which you like to drink, go somewhere else. Go to a meeting, even if the thought fills you with fear. Start a treatment program. People on SR often talk about having a “plan” – so make a plan. If it does not work, change it again until it works. Do something different, whatever it takes, and when you hear a voice in your head saying, “Yes, but you can’t change that…” then change it.
3. Have hope: One of my favorite recovery quotes comes from David Carr’s memoir of drug addiction, The Night of the Gun: “The chronicity of addiction is really a kind of fatalism writ large. If an addict knows in his heart he is going to use someday, why not today? But if a thin reed of hope appears, the possibility that it will not always be so, things change. You live another day and then get up and do it again. Hope is oxygen to someone who is suffocating on despair.” Our addictive voice loves to convince us that there is no hope, that relapse is inevitable, that so few make it, so even why try at all… But that is a lie. Look around you, and you will see examples of healthy individuals in long term recovery. Sometimes it may not even be obvious to you who they are! Very few people in my life outside my immediate family, for example, would know that I am a success story. Read on SR and see the evidence with your own eyes: members who have years and years of solid sobriety. Another common thought for many newcomers is the following: “That’s all very well for you Deckard, and congratulations, but your circumstances are not mine and I can’t get there.” Again, recognize that as the lie that it is. It IS possible to get better; it is freely available to anyone and everyone, and once you realize that -- even as a remote or abstract possibility -- you are on your way.
4. Practice honest reflection: I found that the changes that accompanied recovery have been profound and far reaching, and they remain ongoing. Some recovery methods, of course, make this part of the "stepwise" process of getting better. Regardless, if drinking or other addiction is at the center of your life, then by definition your life is going to change. Make this an opportunity to grow as a person. Over the past two years I have become far less likely to worry about pleasing others. I am no longer afraid of being wrong. I am no longer afraid in general. I no longer think that the smooth functioning of the world depends on my interventions. I have returned to my faith. I treasure every moment I have, especially with my family, because I know how close I came to losing them. I have found a peace that eluded me for my entire life. Your mileage may vary, but I would suggest that recovery is not simply an encumbrance to be borne with: it is a rare opportunity to rebuild what needs rebuilding in your life. So look honestly at things. Consciously reflect. Don’t rush, but be prepared for new perspectives and ideas when they come.
You all have my profound gratitude for your support and wisdom. I knew from the very first time I came to SR that I would be OK. And that remains true to this day.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Florida
Posts: 199
Thank you so much for taking the time to post this. I feel the same way, 23 months behind you, but I will get there. It is the guys like you that help the guys like me, and I appreciate you taking the time! I truly want to be sober, and that is all the fuel I need.
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