Lucie29

I am 3 months and 2 weeks sober. I feel great. Everything is looking up and slowly getting easier. I have a date Friday night with someone I met at work, and he seems really great. I am actually not nervous, but excited. My question is, he doesn't know I don't drink. He doesn't know I have had a problem with alcohol in the past. I told him I rarely drink, only on special occasions, and he said he likes that about me, is the same way. He said he does drink a couple beers here and there on a weekend night. We are in our 20s. I know he won't care if I don't drink when we go out, and I'll probably blame it on having to drive, but I just feel so cheated sometimes. Why can't I have a beer or a glass of wine on a date? It's a normal thing to do! My fear is I'll have a great night. I'll only have one. Then I'll trick my mind into thinking next time I can do it again. Is anyone else having a hard time with wanting to be sober, but wanting a "normal" life as well? I'm not ready to tell him my past with alcohol. Eventually I will, but we work together and I just want to be a normal girl and go out on a date on a Friday night and have ONE glass of wine. Thoughts?

sugarbear1

I suggest not dating within the workplace......just my experience.......

Findingtheway

Commencing to drink after a period of sobriety we are in a short amount of time as bad a shape as ever.

This is my experience with this...if it were me I'd shatter the just ONE glass of wine idea. It's caused me nothing but pain.

In the end it's your choice.

Good luck to you.

Venecia

Congratulations on 3.5 months of sobriety! That's great!

For folks like us, "normal" is defined differently. We cannot drink. End of story.

Honest? Dating at this early stage of sobriety is not recommended, for good reasons. How 'bout gaining some more sober time before you re-enter the dating scene?

Lucie29

He won't be working there much longer as he finishes school in two weeks and will have a new career. Otherwise I would agree. I also agree with not being able to have one. It's just not an option for me. I guess if he doesn't like it he's not the guy for me:/ I'm just frustrated!! I just want a normal happy life. Thanks for the comments!

Mountainmanbob

A normal life for me does not include booze

Everybody's normal is set a little different

M

SoberLeigh

Be yourself; be sober; have a lovely time.

As others have said, dating in early recovery is not recommended as you are adjusting to your new life and finding or re-discovering the real Lucie; she probably hasn't fully emerged yet.

Stevie1

In that case, go for it and enjoy.

"Normal" does not necessarily mean having a drink. Most normal people won't even register that you are not drinking, and won't need a reason. Go out, order something non-alcoholic, he probably won't even comment or notice it.

courage2

You sound like you're way ahead of yourself worrying if someone you just started dating is "the guy" for you. When I had 3.5 months I was still very mentally confused and a romance would have been a huge trigger for me.

As for the "normal happy" thing, I think if you're an alcoholic you can have happy. But if your idea of normal includes drinking, not normal happy. Not everyone's idea of normal includes drinking, btw.

heartcore

I think you very much want to go; I hear it in your post. If you have already decided to go, then do the work of deciding that you'll do the evening without drinking, and learn who Lucie is on a date without drinking. Prepare to be a little uncomfortable at points through the evening.

My other advice is to see it as an evening out with a friend who has already told you he respects your sobriety. Don't construct an elaborate fantasy of your romantic future together. Starting a relationship in early sobriety does introduce a lot of complex emotion - heck, your sobriety is already getting more complicated for you & you only said "yes"! But we are absolutely allowed to meet people & spend time with them...

Practice how you'll decline of offered a drink. Have a plan to call someone if you need support. Cancel if you find yourself unable to disconnect spending time with him from the fantasy of the drink.

I don't know about you, but when I drink on a date, I drink to drunk, and end up compromising myself - sharing info I didn't mean to share, going way further physically than I intended, basically messing up the friendship part in a big way. You'll be way more able to get to know him sober, plus you won't vomit in his car, have sex with him in am alley, or fall down the steps of the restaurant. Yum! You'll be kind and sparkly, attentive & funny, and most of all you'll be real you, and see him as real him.

Lucie29

Thank you heartcore, this was awesome advice! Thank you everyone. Its all been very helpful