Too much talking?
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Too much talking?
I have spent years and years complaining to my sister about my husband. Is it any wonder that she cant stand him? I have spent years talking to my best friend about my husband and other topics. Is is a wonder that she thinks I should leave him? Here's my question: Should I be sharing this info with my sister/friend? Is this too much info to share? Also, I know I often dont share the good parts of him or our relationship, and there are some. So am I giving them a lopsided view or am I trying now to hide from the truth? Am I still in denial about the seriousness of his problem and how it affects all of us? AM I still hoping that we can have a happy life together and just fooling myself in the process? Why is it that it takes me so long to get it? I am usually an intelligent person. Why cant I make a decision and stick by it with peace? Please help.........
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Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
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Good Morning Rose!
Aren't the things that we feel compelled to talk about the things that are affecting us most? You need some avenue of releasing your emotions and sorting out your thoughts. Talking does that.
Do you really think the picture you are painting is unfair? If reporting his actions gets him viewed as a jerk, well, they're his actions. I stopped talking to my friends so much about Dino when I found this board. I only reported his progress and tended not to mention then slips. That just made me look psychotic when I finally blew up because a slip turned into a downhill slalom.
It's just one more thing we do for them. Protect them from the opinions of our friends and family. I say to heck with it. Worry about the state of your emotions and what you need to get off your chest. Talk to the people who help you get it together.
Hugs,
Smoke
Aren't the things that we feel compelled to talk about the things that are affecting us most? You need some avenue of releasing your emotions and sorting out your thoughts. Talking does that.
Do you really think the picture you are painting is unfair? If reporting his actions gets him viewed as a jerk, well, they're his actions. I stopped talking to my friends so much about Dino when I found this board. I only reported his progress and tended not to mention then slips. That just made me look psychotic when I finally blew up because a slip turned into a downhill slalom.
It's just one more thing we do for them. Protect them from the opinions of our friends and family. I say to heck with it. Worry about the state of your emotions and what you need to get off your chest. Talk to the people who help you get it together.
Hugs,
Smoke
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: North America
Posts: 362
Rose,
I can understand what your saying too. I have 3 really good friends of mine that will not have alot to do with me because they know pretty much the whole ballgame about my A. It is insane to them as to why I stayed. I have 2 close friends of mine I talk to, as well as his mother, it is really hard not to be able to talk to people. I have this board as well to use. That helps.
Part of it is too, we know the good parts and good sides of the A, but if things are going really well we tend to not need to talk about stuff as much, I think that is human nature. You have us, so keep coming back here. Your not alone.
Love,
bonbon
I can understand what your saying too. I have 3 really good friends of mine that will not have alot to do with me because they know pretty much the whole ballgame about my A. It is insane to them as to why I stayed. I have 2 close friends of mine I talk to, as well as his mother, it is really hard not to be able to talk to people. I have this board as well to use. That helps.
Part of it is too, we know the good parts and good sides of the A, but if things are going really well we tend to not need to talk about stuff as much, I think that is human nature. You have us, so keep coming back here. Your not alone.
Love,
bonbon
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
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Thank you, Smoke and Bonbon. Yes I think you are right - I will just keep talking as I am learning: ITS ALL ABOUT ME! Talking to them makes me sane and I do feel compelled to talk about what affects me the most. That gives me more food for thought. Does this mean that the good things while there are not affecting me all that much? Or is it that we take good things for granted and dont appreciate them? I think this thought pattern comes from not wanting to hear what my sister and friend is telling me about what they see in my relationship. So if I dont tell them everything is bad, they might not hold me accountable for my own happiness. Thanks, I will be thinking on this.
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Join Date: Feb 2002
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Rose, I wanted to reply back to you because your thoughts relate closely to the ones I've had before. Yes, I truly beleive part of it is we do not want to hear the negatives coming from our friends and families mouths, WE ALREADY KNOW THE NEGATIVES, that these sitiations bring about. When things are going smoothely and we don't report those times, you see it is those times we hold onto so tightly, because we know those are the "normal" times we do have with the A, I strongly know that everyone can agree with me when I say we live for those days most of the time. My one close friend I have, tells me all the time, yes I wish you would get totally out of that situation, but she also says, I know you love him, and I am here for you either way, Now I will also say, I pretty much lost a couple friends from this, because they don't understand, as well as myself distancing from my family. Talking about it helps though. Just wanted to add my other thoughts on this to you. Have a good Day.
Love,
bonbon
Love,
bonbon
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Join Date: Mar 2002
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Hi All
This really hit home for me. I can talk to my friends about what happens, but its true, they hear so much negative, no wonder some of them can't stand him, when I know him when he is sober, nice, loving and caring. The same with my family - why haven't you left the "meathead" yet (my fathers comment).
I don't know. I guess I don't feel the need to talk when things are going good because it is going good, but isn't that what we are supposed to do...just live a normal life and find peace. Not sure....
Anyway, I needed to say how much this mirrored how I felt. Maybe now that I have found the board and meetings, they won't need to see the negative so much; only the positive.
Take care all.
Many hugs,
Love
Debbie
This really hit home for me. I can talk to my friends about what happens, but its true, they hear so much negative, no wonder some of them can't stand him, when I know him when he is sober, nice, loving and caring. The same with my family - why haven't you left the "meathead" yet (my fathers comment).
I don't know. I guess I don't feel the need to talk when things are going good because it is going good, but isn't that what we are supposed to do...just live a normal life and find peace. Not sure....
Anyway, I needed to say how much this mirrored how I felt. Maybe now that I have found the board and meetings, they won't need to see the negative so much; only the positive.
Take care all.
Many hugs,
Love
Debbie
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