Lucky me
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: home and trying to be happy
Posts: 10
Lucky me
I found this site quite by accident tonight. Yesterday I made my first visit to an addiction counsellor who advised me I need to take care of myself and get myself in a healthy place. I typed in "getting in a healthy place" in my search engine and fate brought me right here. I guess this is a safe place, and my Higher Power led me to you.
I don't really know the proper protocol for posting, and please let me know if I am not following the rules. A crises situation this past week led me to finally call for outside help. Up until now, I thought I was dealing very well with everthing that has been going on in our home.
In October, I will have been married 25 years. My husband is an alcoholic (still in denial), a drug abuser (prescription and otherwise) and what led me to finally seeking help, a compulsive gambler. So, I guess I'm an expert on all three. (a little sarcasm there) Five months ago he got to the point with the gambling that it became necessary to begin treatment. This was strongly encouraged by his employer. I thought recovery had finally begun, changing bank accounts on his suggestion so that he would no longer have access to the money. Of course, this was thousands of dollars too late. I have been trying desperately to get our financial situation under control, and was hoping that I would finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Last Tuesday, he took a bank card from my purse that is a personal savings account. This account is money my son gives me to safeguard for him to pay his tuition for university. He withdrew $500 and gambled it away in less than an hour. Now, I'm left with trying to pick up the pieces again. I will not tell my son, I think his father should do that. He, however, won't.
Anyway, I'm sure you don't all need to hear the sad sob story of how hard it's been, as you have all been where I am now. I have taken the counsellors words to heart, and know that I need to get myself under control and start taking care of me. Eating properly, sleeping properly and making very difficult decisions. I have talked to my husband, and told him that unfortunately I don't think he's hit his bottom yet, that his bottom might be when I finally get up the courage to leave. When you've been a fixer for so long, it's hard to let go, and I need to see some positive pro-active steps on his part. I hope that I've already started on my own recovery.
Any advice or words of wisdom from anyone would be much appreciated. I hope this is okay to write, and I'm looking forward to feeling normal and being able to smile again and really mean it. Thank you for allowing me to vent.
gack :why:
I don't really know the proper protocol for posting, and please let me know if I am not following the rules. A crises situation this past week led me to finally call for outside help. Up until now, I thought I was dealing very well with everthing that has been going on in our home.
In October, I will have been married 25 years. My husband is an alcoholic (still in denial), a drug abuser (prescription and otherwise) and what led me to finally seeking help, a compulsive gambler. So, I guess I'm an expert on all three. (a little sarcasm there) Five months ago he got to the point with the gambling that it became necessary to begin treatment. This was strongly encouraged by his employer. I thought recovery had finally begun, changing bank accounts on his suggestion so that he would no longer have access to the money. Of course, this was thousands of dollars too late. I have been trying desperately to get our financial situation under control, and was hoping that I would finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Last Tuesday, he took a bank card from my purse that is a personal savings account. This account is money my son gives me to safeguard for him to pay his tuition for university. He withdrew $500 and gambled it away in less than an hour. Now, I'm left with trying to pick up the pieces again. I will not tell my son, I think his father should do that. He, however, won't.
Anyway, I'm sure you don't all need to hear the sad sob story of how hard it's been, as you have all been where I am now. I have taken the counsellors words to heart, and know that I need to get myself under control and start taking care of me. Eating properly, sleeping properly and making very difficult decisions. I have talked to my husband, and told him that unfortunately I don't think he's hit his bottom yet, that his bottom might be when I finally get up the courage to leave. When you've been a fixer for so long, it's hard to let go, and I need to see some positive pro-active steps on his part. I hope that I've already started on my own recovery.
Any advice or words of wisdom from anyone would be much appreciated. I hope this is okay to write, and I'm looking forward to feeling normal and being able to smile again and really mean it. Thank you for allowing me to vent.
gack :why:
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Welcome Gack!
We're pretty informal here. We say pretty much what we feel or need to get out. I'm glad you jumped right in!
You do sound started on your own recovery. Realizing that we play a role in the drama is a big thing. I'm glad you joined us. Feel free whenever you feel.
Hugs!
Smoke
We're pretty informal here. We say pretty much what we feel or need to get out. I'm glad you jumped right in!
You do sound started on your own recovery. Realizing that we play a role in the drama is a big thing. I'm glad you joined us. Feel free whenever you feel.Hugs!
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 29
Dear Gack, Hi! I'm fairly new to this post also, but I have found lots of support, and help here. 23 years for me, and it gets old, doesn't it? Anyways, it sounds like you have a handle on it, and you want to improve your situation, so that's great! I posted a message the other day, that I wasn't sure I should post, but it seemed to be OK. I read a book that impressed me and helped me so much, I felt I had to pass it on to others. It's Dr. Wayne Dyer's 'The Power of Intention.' OK, then, keep checking back for words of encouragement from others here, there is so much knowledge and wisdom from others in our position, and it really helps!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
Hello gack and welcome!!!!
This is a wonderful and safe place to vent anytime you want or need to.You will find alot of support here.My husbands drinking problem has caused alot of financial stress. But having a gambling addiction would be even more difficult. It does not matter though because all the addictions are problems and hard on our lives. Take care of YOU!! That is the only thing that you have control over.
Hugs and Prayers,
matters
This is a wonderful and safe place to vent anytime you want or need to.You will find alot of support here.My husbands drinking problem has caused alot of financial stress. But having a gambling addiction would be even more difficult. It does not matter though because all the addictions are problems and hard on our lives. Take care of YOU!! That is the only thing that you have control over.
Hugs and Prayers,
matters
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: home and trying to be happy
Posts: 10
Thank you all so much, I was so excited to see that I had replies this morning! I guess this is where I belong right now, and suddenly I don't feel so alone and like I'm carrying the whole world on my shoulders. Elaine, I will look for the book that you recommended, anything right now to make myself feel better and not feel worthless will help. I realized how sick I was when I began thinking that I'm not enough for him to change. His problem has nothing to do with me, or how good I am. My problem does have to do with me, and I need to get in a better place. Thank you all.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
gack - this is a great place to "land". i haven't been posting for very long, but it does help tremendously to visit when you are battling the "isolation syndrome". everyone here is great and offers lots of support and encouragement. what elaine said is so true - it's been it's been 20 years (14 married) for me and it DOES get old! but we've done something positive by coming here.
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Hi Gack,
Welcome. Addiction costs us in so many ways; financial, emotional, mental, and physical. Recovery gives us support and courage to take responsibility for our own well being and make the hard choices to take care of ourselves. There is a lot of experience here that helps me every day to keep moving down the path to recovery. Don't miss the power posts at the top of each forum. They are full of great information. Feel free to post, and browse others posts. Stick around. The more, the merrier! Hugs, Magic
Welcome. Addiction costs us in so many ways; financial, emotional, mental, and physical. Recovery gives us support and courage to take responsibility for our own well being and make the hard choices to take care of ourselves. There is a lot of experience here that helps me every day to keep moving down the path to recovery. Don't miss the power posts at the top of each forum. They are full of great information. Feel free to post, and browse others posts. Stick around. The more, the merrier! Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Star's Hollow
Posts: 615
Welcome Gack !
Something in your post made me smile - "I thought I was dealing very well with everything that has been going on in our home". That's ME !
Once I realized that the way I was dealing with everything was denying, ignoring, excusing and pretending, I was well on my way to happier life.
There are wonderful people here and I'm so glad you've joined us.
Keep reading and posting. I'm looking forward to getting to know you !
L
Something in your post made me smile - "I thought I was dealing very well with everything that has been going on in our home". That's ME !
Once I realized that the way I was dealing with everything was denying, ignoring, excusing and pretending, I was well on my way to happier life.
There are wonderful people here and I'm so glad you've joined us.
Keep reading and posting. I'm looking forward to getting to know you !
L
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