siouxey

He was supposed to make dinner for me and my daughter so I could go to the swim class. My daughter was starving and I kept telling her, "Daddy's making dinner, we'll be home in a minute" but alas, he wasn't home. Again. "Where's Daddy?" "I don't know, honey." I called and left a message, but he never called me back.

So, later, I was cuddling with her in bed, then she brushed her teeth and we went into her room... this was about 9:00 last night. I say good night, go into the hallway, and think, "it's awfully dark, I thought I left a light on." I go out into the living room and he's passed out cold on the couch, snoring like a chainsaw. Never heard him come in. This time I wanted to know where he was. So I went through his jeans pockets. Found $200. I kept it. Got his keys and went through his truck. The first thing I did was look in the little box next to the driver's seat - I found, no joke, an unopened can of Coors beer, a bottle of Vicodin, a bottle of Demerol and two cans of chewing tobacco. When I went through his wallet, I found my necklace that's been missing for a month! He was supposed to take it to the jeweler to have it fixed. I put it on and wore it this morning. Never found any receipt of where he was though. The receipt from the ATM says 6:05 p.m. His cell phone indicates he picked up my voicemail that I left at 7:00 at 8:00 but didn't see fit to call me back. I took the Vicodin and Demerol and hid it - although I seriously doubt he would combine that with alcohol. They're somewhat old and it may have been a coincidence. I put the chewing tobacco and Coors on the dash with a note. I simply wrote "LIAR". So I went back into the house and almost wrote something obscene on his forehead. Then I thought I'd put shaving cream in his hand. But then I thought nah, the silent treatment will be good enough.

So this morning rolls around. I get up at 6 and walk. I get back at 6:30 and went back to bed. He walks through the bedroom at 7:30 and says, sorry I didn't call you last night. I went to Farmer's Market and to Alfredo's, had a couple of beers and a shot, didn't have anything to eat - sat in my truck for a while, drove home and stopped at burger king to get something to eat. I ignore him and get up. Ashley and I are in the bathroom, putting things away. He comes in to say goodbye. He touched my back and said, "looks like your rash is going away". I ignore him. He says, "oh you found your necklace". I ignore him. He says, "what? are you going to ignore me?" I simply said I wasn't in a frame of mind to speak to him right now. He says, ok and leaves. whew.

Then when I get in the car, there are two voicemails. First one is him thanking me for my note... and says, "I don't know what's going through your head, but I don't chew very often, I really quit about a month ago (he supposedly quit last October). And about the drinking, I already decided I'm not going to drink again. For whatever reason my body doesn't process alcohol very well..." WHATEVER! Then there's another message. "Just wanted to tell you that accidents happen, and it takes a long time to change." Right. He has made promises in the past and continues to break them. It's only been 12 years. I'm so done with this.

I need help.

Siouxey

Lorelai

Siouxey -

Need help? You've come to the right place. I've been right where you are. Trying to figure out what he was doing drove me insane.

Keep reading and posting. I've found another way to live and you can too.
L

smoke gets in my eyes

((( siouxey! )))

Welcome to the forum! I hope you'll find some of the help you're looking for here. If you're not going to alanon, you might think of checking out a meeting in your area. That's great that you found your necklace and got a $200 tip! Most of our fishing expeditions are not so rewarding. You don't have to waste your time finding evidence to prove to him that he's drinking, though. He already knows. You have much worthier things to spend your time on. I'm so glad you found us.

Hugs,
Smoke

matters

Hello siouxey,

Welcome to the boards! I know how hard it is when your plans are disrupted and children are asking where Daddy is. It seems like we are always second to their drinking.Take care of YOU and just go ahead and do things without him. If only I had gone ahead and done things without waiting and waiting for my husband to finally show up late and drunk on top of it I would have been so much happier. I used to go look for him and call him etc. but now I think about me and the kids first and kind of leave him in the dust. If he wants to go somewhere with us he had better be here on time or forget it. Keep coming back!!!

Hugs and Prayers,
matters

siouxey

Thank you for your kind words and hugs. Looks as if I stumbled on the right place for me right now. I have checked out Al-Anon in my area and will go to a meeting Saturday. He has told me that he intends on quitting drinking (again) but that this time he's doing it for himself, not for me, and not because I told him to. I guess we shall see. But in the meantime, I'm not going to let him slow me down. You're right. No sense proving that he's been drinking. It does make sense to get past it. Thank you!!!!

Magichappens

siouxey,
Welcome. Always glad to see someone reach out and find some hope. I probably blow the Al-Anon horn til people get tired of hearing it, but if you want to feel better, saner, more serene and whole, it can give you the tools to do it. Feel free to browse the forums, post, and don't miss the powerposts at the top of the forums. They are full of great information. Good luck with your meeting. Let us know how it goes. Hugs, Magic

moonkat

Welcome Siouxey. As I am sure anyone here can tell you, we all relate to your feelings. It is so hard explaining to our children why daddy isn't there when we need them most. The people here are so understanding and full of knowledge. Hugs to you.