killerinstinct

I'm healing rapidly and it's very scary.. There will always be parts of me that will hate the ex and be bitter and angry (trust me it won't be long till I complain again) but there is a huge part of me letting go and almost feeling sorry for the EXA, feeling guilty for moving on and leaving him
behind.. Argh I'm so scared I've never had this much control of my situation I feel so bad about recovering my life and leaving him Behind.. Thinking in my head for some stupid reason he will want Me back and that he will regret this if he hasn't already. Part of me hoping he doesn't feel this way and hoping he's happy because I could not bare to face having my heart broken again.. Baaaa where is all of this coming from!!! God I need to drug myself to sleep this is all too much. Has anyone else gone through this?? Maybe I'm just fantasising because I'm getting stronger and assume he's changed because I haven't spoken to him in so long????

redatlanta

I think this is normal and part of the healing process. The roller coaster of feeling one thing one day and feeling another thing the next is kind of annoying and confusing. As time goes on and you do heal (and you will), you will find that the days flip from feeling mostly bad to mostly good. Eventually (if you allow yourself to heal properly) you won't even feel hatred. He will just be somebody you used to know.

JuniperRose

Hi SI. I don't have any words of wisdom, but I do know what you are going through. Your situation sounds so familiar to mine. I spent months planning my escape, and I thought all my problems would be solved once I got away. Now that I'm free, I am feeling guilty, sad and anxious. I keep second guessing myself and wondering if I could have done or said anything differently. The anxiety has made it difficult for me to eat and sleep properly. I am obsessed with the idea of him missing me or realizing what a mistake he made in letting me go.

I know it is actually a blessing that he isn't trying to get back together. If he was, I would probably be right back in the same bad situation as before. I am new to my recovery. I am going to Alanon, seeing a counselor, and reading as much as I can. However, I don't think the message has sunken in yet. I am tired of feeling crappy, guilty and anxious. Anger would be a relief. I should feel angry. But anger has always been a difficult emotion for me (unless it is directed at myself.)

Eauchiche

As they say at every AlAnon meeting "we are not alone." I sure am finding this to be true. Thanks for your excellent post!

hopeful4

I agree that it's normal and a part of the healing process. You are not there yet in that when you have truly healed you will let go.

XXX