stickyfingers

This morning, as I was in the shower, it felt like a thousand little people were gleefully stomping on my head... and it occurred to my slowly unfogging mind, that perhaps it might take longer to return to 'normal' than I suspected. A LOT longer. Which begs the question... was my base-line 'normal' the reason I started drinking in the first place ? An incredibly sucky side-effect of this slow return into humanity is the thinking.. Oh OH OH the thinking .. thinking about everything and anything, where in the past I could just shove it aside and drink some more wine. Now I think. And I remember. I remember, for example, that long ago and far away, my mom told me that the women in my family have a faulty gene and that two of my aunts and several other relatives have died from direct or indirect complications of alcohol. Clearly I was also blessed with malfunctioning hearing, because that message never made it home. So now, as I find myself entering 'life' as other people know it, I may perhaps have to 'learn' what 'normal' is. Clearly 'normal' is not drinking an entire bottle of wine while cooking and then uncorking the second one because one simply cannot eat without more wine. 'Normal' is not walking through Target and staring dumbfounded at the catfood display because deciding between steak and seafood entrees is just more than your mind can bear. 'Normal' is not being glad you dropped your children off at school without incident because you need an entire day to recover from the previous nights' hangover. So many things to learn. And then the fear sets in... What if I never return to 'normal' ? What if I will forever be affected by the damage I have done ? What will life be like for me ? Can I deal with it ? I have suddenly come to understand the vital importance of "one day at a time". We simply cannot handle more than that. I cannot handle more than that. And once we have made up our minds that one day is more than enough, perhaps there is a relative 'normal' in our future after all..... Without little shower people stomping on my head..

PurpleKnight

For me I had spent so long drinking that I didn't know how to function or live without alcohol, the good news is though humans are great at adapting to new things, we can relearn the ropes, form new habits, the old cycles and habits will take a bit of work to break but it can be done!!

I have no idea what "normal" is, but I know that what I've created for myself through Sobriety is a whole lot better than what I had when I was still drinking!!

Keep pushing through!!

least

For two years, normal was being in a drunken fog or being hungover. Now that I'm sober, normal is not being afraid of driving and not waking up each day feeling like crap and hating myself.

Stop drinking for a few months and see what it feels like.

Soberwolf

Hi Sticky just do what keeps you sober a day at a time the rest will fall into place

i think your overthinking and overworrying

Good luck friend

Lusher

Hey stickyfingers, I can appreciate what you're saying.

Initially, I was not myself, however I was without alcohol. Before, alcohol would be in my brain most of the time, be it a little or a lot. After I stopped, I was not the same person at all. I, too, would think or even obsess about things that never would have been an issue when I was with drink.

As time went on, things improved, but I think it was just me getting use to a different me. I suppose as more time passes, the 'different me,' will become my new <sober> normal.