Left out.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 109
Left out.
Just a vent about feeling left out.
A friend is having her daughter christened this weekend. She never directly mentioned the christening to me, but had invited me over last night, as she and her husband were having some friends and relatives over. Naturally, during the course of the night, the christening was mentioned in conversations.
My friend still didn't say anything. Another friend said "you could probably handle it... he can't"
My xabf is a long time friend of her husband, so I get it. There is no way they could not invite him. But is it wrong for me to feel that I should have been given the opportunity to politely decline an invitation rather than not be invited at all?
A friend is having her daughter christened this weekend. She never directly mentioned the christening to me, but had invited me over last night, as she and her husband were having some friends and relatives over. Naturally, during the course of the night, the christening was mentioned in conversations.
My friend still didn't say anything. Another friend said "you could probably handle it... he can't"
My xabf is a long time friend of her husband, so I get it. There is no way they could not invite him. But is it wrong for me to feel that I should have been given the opportunity to politely decline an invitation rather than not be invited at all?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 224
Broken,
I think I get it. I have felt the same way about many occasions recently where my broken relationship with exA meant that I was left out...not because of me, but because of him. It feels like I am being punished and losing even more. It didn't work between us, I was willing and am in recovery for my Codi and all I asked was that he try to moderate or get help. So, he left me. I lost him, the love and now I find that I have to keep losing things where he seems to be just where he was before me. I am trying to look at it all as part of the growing process. It can be very uncomfortable and painful, but I do believe that for all I am losing, in the end I will gain the more.
I think I get it. I have felt the same way about many occasions recently where my broken relationship with exA meant that I was left out...not because of me, but because of him. It feels like I am being punished and losing even more. It didn't work between us, I was willing and am in recovery for my Codi and all I asked was that he try to moderate or get help. So, he left me. I lost him, the love and now I find that I have to keep losing things where he seems to be just where he was before me. I am trying to look at it all as part of the growing process. It can be very uncomfortable and painful, but I do believe that for all I am losing, in the end I will gain the more.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Ouch is right. I understand. I will never forget right after my XAH and I split, my nieces both graduated. They are actually his nieces, but have been much more close to me than him for 15 years. One graduated from college, the other high school. I bawled like a baby b/c I was not invited to either one. It would have been akward for me to go at that time, but it sure did sting not to be given the opportunity to make that decision.
Tight hugs. It gets better, I promise.
Tight hugs. It gets better, I promise.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
One thing that I had to tell myself over and over was that I had divorced AXH. Nobody else had divorced anybody. And that our split made it difficult for some people to "choose sides." I made it easy for everybody: I dropped out of sight and let people who wanted to stay in touch make an effort to contact me. Or him. Or both of us.
Sometimes, the context you lose in a divorce is as painful as the divorce itself. Just be good to yourself.
Sometimes, the context you lose in a divorce is as painful as the divorce itself. Just be good to yourself.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Oh, ouch is right. I'm sorry. I understand their POV but they could have handled it with more grace.
I found that our issues caused more discomfort in others than in us in a lot of different situations. I know it's hard, but don't take their inability to discuss things like mature grownups personally. That's their baggage, not yours.
I found that our issues caused more discomfort in others than in us in a lot of different situations. I know it's hard, but don't take their inability to discuss things like mature grownups personally. That's their baggage, not yours.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
i wonder if they were friends to your ex as well as friends with you ?
do you think that maybe if they invited you and not your ex it might send a message out to your ex that there on your side in things ?
maybe they dont invite you or your ex as there way of showing you both that they take no ones side ?
i dont know as i dont know the relationship you have with them so i am just looking for any sort of reason people might behave like this, what i do know is when things go wrong people always want to put the blame on others etc unitl much later on when they come to see it wasted time and engery to live like that
do you think that maybe if they invited you and not your ex it might send a message out to your ex that there on your side in things ?
maybe they dont invite you or your ex as there way of showing you both that they take no ones side ?
i dont know as i dont know the relationship you have with them so i am just looking for any sort of reason people might behave like this, what i do know is when things go wrong people always want to put the blame on others etc unitl much later on when they come to see it wasted time and engery to live like that
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