How do I remember?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 349
How do I remember?
So I ended up drinking again last night because I had a problem here with my "new refrigerator" and it wasn't freezing food. (I know, dumb reason to drink, but I'm an alkie, so?) Anyhow, I was getting really wound up about it all day, watching my food thaw out, knowing I have hundreds of dollars of food in there that is going to spoil. Finally, today, I have a repair guy coming.
Anyhow, the thing is, I WANT to quit drinking, but yesterday I didn't even THINK, not once, of coming here for advice or even just saying how I felt. I am also trying to practice AA, to "let go and let God," and I didn't even think of praying over it once.
All I could do was get angry and get some alcohol because of my frustration. I just flat out didn't think of doing anything else.
So my question to all of you is: How do I remember to do something different when my response to drink through my problem is so automatic? I wish I would have done something different, but I flat out didn't think of anything else.
How do I remind myself to come here or pray or do something else? Should I wear a ring on my hand as a reminder? Or a bracelet? Or a cross? Or how do I have a visual reminder that I can look at and know that I need to do something different?
Thanks.
Anyhow, the thing is, I WANT to quit drinking, but yesterday I didn't even THINK, not once, of coming here for advice or even just saying how I felt. I am also trying to practice AA, to "let go and let God," and I didn't even think of praying over it once.
All I could do was get angry and get some alcohol because of my frustration. I just flat out didn't think of doing anything else.
So my question to all of you is: How do I remember to do something different when my response to drink through my problem is so automatic? I wish I would have done something different, but I flat out didn't think of anything else.
How do I remind myself to come here or pray or do something else? Should I wear a ring on my hand as a reminder? Or a bracelet? Or a cross? Or how do I have a visual reminder that I can look at and know that I need to do something different?
Thanks.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
It's really hard to break old patterns - but it can be done.
Every time I came here instead of drinking, reinforced the new pattern.
Auto pilot is rough but the fugue state doesn't last forever. I always had a moment when I 'returned to earth' - it was usually after I took my first sip.
That might be the hardest time to pour the drink out and ask for help but its an opening if you really want change, Cecilia
As for being an alcoholic that line doesn't wash with me
I'm still an alcoholic but I don't drink over things like my fridge breaking down now. I don't drink over anything
you can get there too
D
Every time I came here instead of drinking, reinforced the new pattern.
Auto pilot is rough but the fugue state doesn't last forever. I always had a moment when I 'returned to earth' - it was usually after I took my first sip.
That might be the hardest time to pour the drink out and ask for help but its an opening if you really want change, Cecilia
As for being an alcoholic that line doesn't wash with me
I'm still an alcoholic but I don't drink over things like my fridge breaking down now. I don't drink over anything
you can get there too
D
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
In early sobriety especially, I believe you need to make a hard and fast plan that includes scheduling meetings/sr or whatver your method may be each and every day. Maybe even multiple times a day. Pick times, write them down so you don't forget.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 349
Thanks. Yes, I guess I need to get more in the habit of being here, but I am on here every day and it's fine, it works fine, but when I am stressed out about something, it just seems like it all goes out the window.
I live alone and I am so used to handling problems by myself, that it truly never occurs to me that I could share my feelings with someone else and have them help. Sigh.
Yes, I suppose there was a moment of clarity after drinking the first beer, well, to be honest, not really, it was more that I finally had some guy come over and help me and we found a temporary fix for the refrigerator. But, like the true alcoholic I am, once I bought the beer and drank the first one, I had thrown in the towel at that point and figured I might as well drink ALL the beers (and get a few more at the bar too).
My problem, I believe by far and wide is I am a time freak. I want everything "perfect" and "completed" on my time schedule and to not have any problems. I keep thinking, it is God's time I need to learn to live in and NOT my own, but I keep forgetting that.
All I can do is keep trying. This gets so frustrating.
I live alone and I am so used to handling problems by myself, that it truly never occurs to me that I could share my feelings with someone else and have them help. Sigh.
Yes, I suppose there was a moment of clarity after drinking the first beer, well, to be honest, not really, it was more that I finally had some guy come over and help me and we found a temporary fix for the refrigerator. But, like the true alcoholic I am, once I bought the beer and drank the first one, I had thrown in the towel at that point and figured I might as well drink ALL the beers (and get a few more at the bar too).
My problem, I believe by far and wide is I am a time freak. I want everything "perfect" and "completed" on my time schedule and to not have any problems. I keep thinking, it is God's time I need to learn to live in and NOT my own, but I keep forgetting that.
All I can do is keep trying. This gets so frustrating.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Northampton
Posts: 97
I relate, any stress sends me there. I thought about putting up lists of stressors,
healthy ways to respond,
1 reasons why I want to remain sober,
2 have a routine listed for the day/week, (develop new habits)
3 maybe a book would be better (transportable).
4 Also phone numbers,
5 wise sayings, mantras, eg. this too will pass,
6 write about the immediate frustration, identify your emotion/s, feeling. Say hello to them.
7 Eat all the food before it spoils (blood sugar)
8 practice meditation, breathe in think one, breathe out think two.
9 see recovery as a process and be aware your cravings are mostly due to being so depleted in nutrients
10 Your health will increase and you will become more resilient even if you pick up because you can stop and start again. You are worth it.
11 vitamin Bs are big for alcoholics, depleted, beef liver for B12.
14 Don't be superstitious
15 Don't make endless lists.
healthy ways to respond,
1 reasons why I want to remain sober,
2 have a routine listed for the day/week, (develop new habits)
3 maybe a book would be better (transportable).
4 Also phone numbers,
5 wise sayings, mantras, eg. this too will pass,
6 write about the immediate frustration, identify your emotion/s, feeling. Say hello to them.
7 Eat all the food before it spoils (blood sugar)
8 practice meditation, breathe in think one, breathe out think two.
9 see recovery as a process and be aware your cravings are mostly due to being so depleted in nutrients
10 Your health will increase and you will become more resilient even if you pick up because you can stop and start again. You are worth it.
11 vitamin Bs are big for alcoholics, depleted, beef liver for B12.
14 Don't be superstitious
15 Don't make endless lists.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 91
word of the day: responsibility
Originally Posted by Cecilia44 
So I ended up drinking again last night because I had a problem here with my "new refrigerator" and it wasn't freezing food. (I know, dumb reason to drink, but I'm an alkie, so?) Anyhow, I was getting really wound up about it all day, watching my food thaw out, knowing I have hundreds of dollars of food in there that is going to spoil. Finally, today, I have a repair guy coming.
Anyhow, the thing is, I WANT to quit drinking, but yesterday I didn't even THINK, not once, of coming here for advice or even just saying how I felt. I am also trying to practice AA, to "let go and let God," and I didn't even think of praying over it once.
All I could do was get angry and get some alcohol because of my frustration. I just flat out didn't think of doing anything else.
So my question to all of you is: How do I remember to do something different when my response to drink through my problem is so automatic? I wish I would have done something different, but I flat out didn't think of anything else.
How do I remind myself to come here or pray or do something else? Should I wear a ring on my hand as a reminder? Or a bracelet? Or a cross? Or how do I have a visual reminder that I can look at and know that I need to do something different?
Thanks.
Anyhow, the thing is, I WANT to quit drinking, but yesterday I didn't even THINK, not once, of coming here for advice or even just saying how I felt. I am also trying to practice AA, to "let go and let God," and I didn't even think of praying over it once.
All I could do was get angry and get some alcohol because of my frustration. I just flat out didn't think of doing anything else.
So my question to all of you is: How do I remember to do something different when my response to drink through my problem is so automatic? I wish I would have done something different, but I flat out didn't think of anything else.
How do I remind myself to come here or pray or do something else? Should I wear a ring on my hand as a reminder? Or a bracelet? Or a cross? Or how do I have a visual reminder that I can look at and know that I need to do something different?
Thanks.
Obviously your coping mechanism for dealing with frustration is drinking alcohol. Which does what actually? Nothing but prevent you from constructively dealing with frustration. You need to find a constructive way to deal with frustration. If you want of course. If you don't want to it's a handy excuse for drinking. Choices, choices, choices.
Secondly, I'm confused about what you need to remember. Because the first drink starts with a thought and then you have to buy the alcohol. So do you need to remember not to go buy alcohol in your moment of frustration?
...or in this case, if you didn't even think of 'coming here, practicing AA, the thing you said about god etc' does that mean that the alcohol was already bought and at hand....so when the moment of frustration arrived 'you didn't think' and drank the alcohol that was pre-bought? So it was pre-planned?
(I know, dumb reason to drink, but I'm an alkie, so?) Is this your built in excuse to drink? I've heard so many people say this and use it as an excuse. 'Well, i'm an alcoholic...therefore I can't help it'. It's a cop out.
CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) offers tecniques and strategies for dealing with your mind and thoughts in a constructive and productive way.
The choice is yours.
Cognitive behavioral therapy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
This book is really practical. I know loads of people who used this in conjunction with their support group of choice with great success.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy For Dummies: Rhena Branch, Rob Willson: 9780470665411: Amazon.com: Books
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by Dee74
It's really hard to break old patterns - but it can be done.
Every time I came here instead of drinking, reinforced the new pattern.
Auto pilot is rough but the fugue state doesn't last forever. I always had a moment when I 'returned to earth' - it was usually after I took my first sip.
That might be the hardest time to pour the drink out and ask for help but its an opening if you really want change, Cecilia
As for being an alcoholic that line doesn't wash with me
I'm still an alcoholic but I don't drink over things like my fridge breaking down now. I don't drink over anything
you can get there too
D
Every time I came here instead of drinking, reinforced the new pattern.
Auto pilot is rough but the fugue state doesn't last forever. I always had a moment when I 'returned to earth' - it was usually after I took my first sip.
That might be the hardest time to pour the drink out and ask for help but its an opening if you really want change, Cecilia
As for being an alcoholic that line doesn't wash with me
I'm still an alcoholic but I don't drink over things like my fridge breaking down now. I don't drink over anything
you can get there too
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Northampton
Posts: 97
consequential thinking is affected from long term drinking and also stress acts on the hormones and is a tipping point in early recovery due to their depletion.
Choice is only there if we are aware of the options but that takes time to re-connect with.
But you can devote yourself to 90 meetings in 90 days to get there. Some people do that.
Choice is only there if we are aware of the options but that takes time to re-connect with.
But you can devote yourself to 90 meetings in 90 days to get there. Some people do that.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
If having company come over - someone you're used to drinking with - is a problem, then you need a strategy to deal with that I think.
If I hadn't had had a strategy when my old drinking buds came over, I'd probably have kept drinking...right into the grave.
My strategy was as simple as telling them I was done with drinking...and shooing them away when they came over with booze,
It was hella hard to do - but I don't regret it now
D
If I hadn't had had a strategy when my old drinking buds came over, I'd probably have kept drinking...right into the grave.
My strategy was as simple as telling them I was done with drinking...and shooing them away when they came over with booze,
It was hella hard to do - but I don't regret it now
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,358
Cece, I just think that's the way it rolls for a little while. It may SEEM like I'm on auto pilot but there really are those thoughts lying just under the surface that urge me to get rid of the frustration immediately. And, immediately means "wine". Practice being more aware.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 91
what's alive makes decisions..
Originally Posted by fridgey
consequential thinking is affected from long term drinking and also stress acts on the hormones and is a tipping point in early recovery due to their depletion.
Choice is only there if we are aware of the options but that takes time to re-connect with.
But you can devote yourself to 90 meetings in 90 days to get there. Some people do that.
Choice is only there if we are aware of the options but that takes time to re-connect with.
But you can devote yourself to 90 meetings in 90 days to get there. Some people do that.
are you aware how cult like that sounds? That's a standing eight count right there....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
Hi Cecelia, you might think you're on autopilot - it sure feels like it. But I've found the worksheets at SMARTrecovery really useful in helping me identify and become mindful of my thoughts and triggers. I don't think that's incompatible with AA.
Yesterday during work I found myself thinking about drinking and realised a HUGE BAD habit of mine was stopping at the store for drink on the way home. So I set the alarm on my cell phone for about that time to remind myself that I could make the right choice, or the wrong choice...I think it helped.
Stay in the ring, Cecilia! You can still be an Octsober.
Yesterday during work I found myself thinking about drinking and realised a HUGE BAD habit of mine was stopping at the store for drink on the way home. So I set the alarm on my cell phone for about that time to remind myself that I could make the right choice, or the wrong choice...I think it helped.
Stay in the ring, Cecilia! You can still be an Octsober.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Cecilia, I was a huge control-freak and I found that it was one of the root causes of my drinking. I tried to control all parts of my life and of course, it was exhausting. I learned that there is very little I can control, other than the way I react to things.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 91
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I built in logging into SR as part of my daily routine, in the morning when I got up, during my lunch break at work, and in the evening when I'd get home from work.
So whatever stress or situations had cropped up in the meantime, the set in stone log in times would sort those out rather than reaching for alcohol.
Support for me needed to be build and ingrained into my daily routine, if it's only there for the bad times then it's less likely I would have used it.
So whatever stress or situations had cropped up in the meantime, the set in stone log in times would sort those out rather than reaching for alcohol.
Support for me needed to be build and ingrained into my daily routine, if it's only there for the bad times then it's less likely I would have used it.
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